I Want My Head Back

My mind is full of you,

unwanted invader.

You wormed your way in

On sweet words

and promises of sin.

I want you gone,

handsome parasite.

I cast you from my head

with hateful words

and angry tears shed.

But you return,

in a wink

Or a charming smile

Sometimes a dream

Lets you in for a while.

I wish you'd see

I don't want you

Your words are poison black

I don't love you

I just want my head back.

Author's Note

This needs a lot of work... I know I want to write about the frustration of finding yourself thinking about someone over and over even though you don't want or love them - but I don't think I've captured it very well. Please give critiques on this one because I like the subject I want to like the poem :/

Reviews

[DevKass92]

Lovely poem!
I disagree with you - I think this is beautifully written and perfectly captures your emotions and thoughts. Very thought-provoking and surely will resonate with many readers. I feel your ambivalent yet bittersweet relationship with this 'invader'. Also loved how you expressed both your apprehension and desires for this 'invader'...even if it is only in your dreams. Thank you for sharing this poem with us.

[annalysiar]

This captures it very nicely
the second to last stanza:
"But you return, with a wink
Or a charming smile,
sometimes a dream
lets you slip in for a while..."

poems are like puzzles they fit together according to the creator. According to your voice. One can give ideas and advice. But ultimately its about your comfort.
this is a great poem and a great topic. This poem is also a great draft. Wonderful write

[alifeacoustic]

Those unwanted invaders reach the deepest recesses of your mind, with roots deep and the added frustration of random and unwanted playback, driving you crazy in the process.
I like how you have written this, like a freeform thought. I would leave it exactly as is. Great job.

[rhymeaway]

Great topic! My only critique would be the rhyme scheme of your last stanza. According to my observation,your poem has followed the rhyme scheme a,b,c,d,c. However,the last stanza has not followed any particular rhyme scheme. A mere suggestion to keep the rhyme on track:
"I wish you'd see
I don't need you,
so remove me from your toy rack,
I don't love you,
I just want my head back"
But overall, an amazing write :))

[Alias]

ooh i like that, i will revise the last stanza- thanks for review!x

[Alias]

I made some tweaks - based off your advice - what do you think?

[rhymeaway]

Amazinggg! Good job,poet! :)

[David Scott]

I think you captured the feeling very well. We can say the same thing in man ways and with many voices.
This expression is a single part of your mind speaking to yourself. Listen to what the other parts of YOU have to say in response. I think you will be surprised at the expressions and wisdom within yourself.

One typo: "Your wormed" should read "You wormed".
Most of us have been, or are here...

[Alias]

thankyou very much for review and advice - and i'll sort that typo! thanks x

[Riddhi]

Ypu conveyed your feelings in a very interesting way...Great work....

[Alison Gross]

Interesting, I can really feel it when reading this. I guess my one Criticism would be that I wish there was more of it ( Which is probably the best Criticism something can get) especially going into more Specifics of how the Parasite keeps coming back. But otherwise it is a great poem that I really enjoyed.