I think we all have a little of this disorder running through us, especially on sites like this. We write hoping someone will enjoy our words, when they do it just increases the need for more and when they don't it feels so bad coming down. I liked this, maybe my meaning is not correct because this poem could be pointed towards many things. Up front is feels like it is speaking of a love interest, but many things can be a love interest. I hear the Who song in my head as I read, See me, Feel me, Touch me, Heal me. Great poem.
This is powerful and very well written. You got art in your lines. I love the below ones for its sheer audacity and vulnerability. I know both adjectives doesn't fit in the same emotions but there you go girl, who can stop an artist from writing her heart out. Loved this piece
"I send you kisses
I lay the bait
Then waste my day
and lie in wait"
this is a very honest, introspective write. it is sad and hopeful. title draws you in. good ending. you write very well with strong emotionally charged words and imagery.
This poem is popular for a reason, I feel it really describes the constant war within ourselves when it comes to loving someone so much that it hurts us.
For some criticism, I do feel that the ending could've been better, I feel that the twist is too fast, and that it somehow confuses the reader. I'm thinking that it's very hard to just stay away from something so addictive and so powerful as love, especially if it's manipulative. Therefore, being born anew wouldn't be a joyful start of a new life, it would be painful, slowly tearing you apart since you're trying to run the other direction when your heart is clinging on to something so tightly...
But overall, I liked the poem, language is excellent and it's beautifully written, the pattern is flawless.
Thanks for sharing!
// O
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
I think you're totally right, it is too quick and too easy. The reason behind that is because I wrot.. read moreI think you're totally right, it is too quick and too easy. The reason behind that is because I wrote this poem in the midst of that 'love-addiction', and I wrote the ending because I knew it was damaging and painful and I wanted to move on, but in truth I didn't move on from this for a very long time after this poem was written. In a way the too quick change is hopeful naivite. Perhaps having come out of the other side I should revisit this poem and add a few more stanzas that more fully describe the 'recovery' from a relationship like that, but I also like to leave my poems once they are published because they then serve as a snapshot of how I felt then.
Thanks for your review!x
How much is enough? How much is too little? Like Rockerfeller said, "Just a little bit more....."
Fire burns within our depths, and its voice is "more, more". Maybe the best advice is to walk away - not to feed desires which in the end would bring disaster.
I think we all have a little of this disorder running through us, especially on sites like this. We write hoping someone will enjoy our words, when they do it just increases the need for more and when they don't it feels so bad coming down. I liked this, maybe my meaning is not correct because this poem could be pointed towards many things. Up front is feels like it is speaking of a love interest, but many things can be a love interest. I hear the Who song in my head as I read, See me, Feel me, Touch me, Heal me. Great poem.
A very hungry drug it is, and one that is never fully satisfied, only ever desiring more. Your thoughts are so profoundly expressed, and promise a freedom in the end to fly to a new world.
Poems that come out of my brain.
I love to learn from others, so please review and let me know if you want me to read anything of yours, I have a million read requests so if there is a specific p.. more..