Four Leaf Clover

While sitting in a field

Reminiscing on what we used to be

I ever so suddenly spotted the ever so rare and delicate

Four leaf clover, I picked it and held it in my hand

But soon after I began thinking of what we have become

What got us to this dark place where lovers became strangers

Noticing that I had shifted my attention away from this beautiful clover

Once that thought crossed my mind I looked in between my index and thumb

Where this four leaf clover was being held and right before my eyes the unthinkable happened

The four leaf clover began to turn brown 

As if by picking it so instantly it had lost all its life

Like I had drained it of all the things it had to live for 

A tear trickled down my face and then I finally began to understand 

This pain I had been that clover who was picked out of the bunch

I was that unique, rare and beautiful thing that people searched to find 

And I was that same thing that he held in between two fingers 

And I was that same exact thing that had died instantly right before his eyes

Reviews

[Anjali]

Beautiful poem and very nice observation and comparison of the four-leaf clover with a broken-heart lover.

[RunawayWriter]

I love this! Beautiful poem, it touched me right in the feels!

[Irenic]

A beautiful poem which explains very beautifully how environment and circumtances snatch our ownselves from us.
And I was that same thing that he held in between two fingers
And I was that same exact thing that had died instantly right before his eyes

And these are so beautiful that its beauty can not be described by words, its beauty canonly be felt.
Thanks for sharing :)

[JayG]

You seem to be forcing reality to conform to your poetic needs. And since you have intent guiding you it works. But will it for the reader?

• I ever so suddenly spotted the ever so rare and delicate Four leaf clover, I picked it and held it in my hand

How can there be a difference between "suddenly and "ever so suddenly?" And in any case, isn't "spotting" something a quick occurrence, making the adverb, "suddenly" unnecessary? This matters, because the fewer words used the more impact on the reader.

And: Why use a comma instead of a period to end one sentence, but then use nothing for the next? Makes no sense.

And as a minor point, the four leaf clover, while rare, is not "ever so rare. And it is no more delicate than the standard three leaf variety. So defining it that way for poetic purpose can't work for a reader who has picked them.

• But soon after I began thinking of what we have become

As punctuated, the next event comes after the thinking, but don't you mean "soon" as the thinking coming soon? If so, you can drop "after" or add a comma. The best way is to trim unnecessary words.

• What got us to this dark place where lovers became strangers

This is a sentence end. You know it, and insert the stop. But the reader will have noticed that you often continue sentences, line-to-line. And always use capitalization to begin the line. So without either end-stopping or punctuation this can confuse. Punctuation was devised to help the reader know how the writer intended the work to be read. Take advantage of that. The reader will thank you (or at least not throw the book against the wall.

• Where this four leaf clover was being held and right before my eyes the unthinkable happened

Here, you're stopping the story unnecessarily. Till this point you're reporting events that happened. Now, you stop the action and in effect, say, "The next part is going to be really interesting." Why? Why not present it and let the reader decide that it is? In any case, it's not unthinkable, it's impossible.

• As if by picking it so instantly it had lost all its life

Can you pick something slowly? Isn't everything that's harvested picked just as quickly?

• Like I had drained it of all the things it had to live for

This line duplicates the one before.

• A tear trickled down my face and then I finally began to understand

Think about the necessity of "and then I finally." Wouln't replacing those four words with "as," to express it as, "A tear trickled down my face as I finally began to understand," express the same thought better, and better relate it to the tear? And wouldn't removing "finally" make it tighter and more expressive? Doesn't any understanding have an implied "finally" within it?

• I was that unique, rare and beautiful thing that people searched to find
And I was that same thing that he held in between two fingers

Here you lose it. It's been in first person. So the speaker is the one who noticed the clover and picked it. How do we suddenly become the external observer, and talk about "I" as "he?"

Sorry my news isn't better. Still, hang in there, and keep on writing. It keeps us off the streets at night. 😁

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/