Breathe

AS I SIT HERE I SEARCH

SEARCH TO CATCH MY BREATH 

SEARCH TO LOVE YOU THE WAY I ONCE DID 

I STAND IN FRONT OF YOU SPEECHLESS

THE WORDS WON'T COME OUT

I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO SAY

BUT THE ROCK NUGGED IN MY THROAT WON'T ALLOW IT

I CHOKE 

I BREATHE IN PREPARING A SCREAM

IT DOESN'T WORK

I TURN IN A FULL CIRCLE

SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE TO HELP ME

TO RELAY THE MESSAGE TO THIS MAN

WHO I ONCE LOVED AND ONCE LOVED ME 

AND NOW I CAN'T BREATHE 

HE'S HOLDING ME AND WE'RE BOTH CRYING

WANTING EVERYTHING WE ONCE DID

REMOVING THE PAIN AND ALLOWING THE LOVE

TO COME IN AND TAKE OVER

NOW WE STAND BREATHING 

FLOWERS GROWING RAPIDLY AROUND US

DROWNING US IN BEAUTIFUL SCENTS 

AND WE LOVE OURSELVES 

EACH OTHER 

AND ALL THE BEAUTY AROUND US

Reviews

[JayG]

• I STAND IN FRONT OF YOU SPEECHLESS

Move a little to the right, I can't see the screen.

That may seem flip,,but what am I to make of someone I don't know talking to someone I've not met, about things undefined? The reader doesn't know you, the characters, or the situation. So what emotional content can it hold for that reader?

The goal is to move the reader emotionally, not inform them how someone feels about someone else.

SO instead of picturing the situation and background, and telling the reader about it, make them live it. Make it meaningful to THEM.

[Irenic]

A very beautifully-crafted poem that truly and beautifully explain that pain takes the essence of love away and trying so hard that time wont work.
Lovely.............
Thanks for sharing:)

[Corset]

who do we write for if not for ourselves? If you wanted to have this published in a book or whatever I would listen to those below but if you are just blowing off some emotional surges then I can honestly say I felt that in this, maybe it wouldn't win a Pulitzer but I could feel the tug between what is going on and what you are desperately wanting to happen as you stand there with a rock nugget, I think we all have experienced that, I think you expressed that very well here.

[grayscale]

Story or poem, i guess its up to interpretation, i do love the use of different fonts and a cool style.

[Great Aunt Astri]

YEs, I think if you were a little more objective and used carefully chosen words (Rather than telling us how you feel) the poem would be easier to relate to. The 'rock nugget in my throat' was clever. I guess you felt better after writing it?

[D Connolly]

It's like a dreamscape. First, a nightmare, but then it recovers itself to become pleasant

[Anjali]

Wow, its so beautifully written. The way you wrote it in two parts- it made my imagination run into two lovers. Keep up the good work :)

[Giulia King]

This is such a powerful story! As I kept reading this I saw that you wrote it in caps. I was screaming in my head haha.

[Hebe]

The first part is very moving and powerful... the 2nd part could be another great poem!

[HC Abiona]

This is very beautiful. I kind of got the vibe of someone losing a lover and they both find each other in the afterlife. Great job!! I love that you actually send read request too. Gives me something to look forward to after a long day