Shiver

Grace me with your presence

She once asked the charming young man

And I will grace you with mine

With a dress that flared in the summer breeze 

She smiled and was the life of the party

She was in all off white

And gave him looks and smiles all day

Finally the night began to fall 

And once it did everyone had already had a few drinks

And she thought this was her chance

Could she have him wrapped around her finger

He pushed her down

But all she could think was

It was her fault

She brought him in 

Showed him around

Tried the old fashion "tour"

But he returned the "favor"

He pushed her down

Ripped it all off 

And then it was finished 

It was done 

He took her and made her his

Not in the way she wanted 

She was left 

Crying 

Shivering 

And with the coldest smile he looked back and said 

"Shiver B***H, your presence has been graced!"

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love the honesty & stark descriptive way you show how these things often go. I've been there many times myself, long ago. A woman is expected to & tries to be attractive, alluring, & then she gets assaulted for it, & then she thinks (1) she's lucky to have gotten his attention and/or (2) it was her fault for being "too loose" (plus society encourages these interpretation) . . . yet I also notice at the end of the first stanza you mention she was playing a desperate game of her own, too. I guess so much of "mating" is each one playing a different game & nobody wins. You've painted a sad realistic picture with vivid relatable details.

[XO Vee]

Thank you so much for your feedback

[Paul Bell]

Probably a moral in there somewhere. Brutal and honest, to the point.
Did she get away with her life, probably. He'll do it again. She'll never get over it.
Life as we see it.

[Valentine]

Sadly this happens too much in life, girls need to be more certain of who they gat close to. Valentine

[Jibey]

A disturbing piece... It began calmly and smoothly, with a sense of pretty innocence. Then suddenly the mood changed as events turned in a different direction and opportunity became a rape... 'Ripped' and 'b***h' struck me with such pain...

[XO Vee]

And the sad sick truth is that this stuff goes on, but a lot of people are too afraid to express the reality of some things.

[Kathrin S]

Wow, this didn't go in the direction I thought it would. It was intense and a great read - very much relevant in current times. You hear about these incidents all the time.

Here are 2 suggestions I'd like to make:

- I'd add some punctuation to make it easier to read, e.g. a full stop after "with mine"
Or "Could she have him wrapped around her finger(?)"

- "your presence has be graced" - has been? I didn't quite understand this last line.

Other than that it was a wonderful poem. Thanks for sharing.

[XO Vee]

My apologies it was a poem I free wrote and didn't look through it, I guess I just need to slow down; thank you for the feedback and I've made the change.

[Bala Gorthi]

A shaking write. Well this how many men see women and girls who are open. It least in our country and society it is so. The opening words of your poem and the way they have been re used in the end with such a contrast highlight your poem.
That threat and risk are always there for girls. Such things tear the soul apart. I just wish the world becomes free of such crimes.
A very good write indeed. I just have one question. Is it "been" in place of "be" in the last verse? For clarity I read it as been.
Thanks for sharing this write....

[XO Vee]

Thank you so much for the Feedback. And thank you for reading!!!