HEART OF ASH

I reach into my chest for a heart that doesn’t exist

what is left is a hand full of ash

decrepit and old like the soul in this beast

dying and frying inside this hell of my mind

reaching out for hope that will never come

pill after pill in this endless cycle

abuse in my mind a nightmare existence

a knife digging in twisting and turning

what is left is a body etched with the scars of life

a burning fire that can’t be extinguished

a atomic blast of fear firing in my brain

triggering paranoia of being found out

for the monster that they think I am

growing unrest sparking currents in my synapses

too weak to fight back

they give me hope that I will be saved

from something that I don’t need saving from

something that is a part of me for now and eternity

why can’t they leave me be I don’t want to be a part of your society

to be judged and humiliated for being me

for the hate you created inside my soul

searching for absolution in a god that doesn’t seem to exist

dropping a bomb on this life of mine

hoping to survive the aftermath

then again it would be better if I just died