Lonely

Chapter one in Chaska. Kinda crappy in my opinion.

Chaska looked up at the moon and sighed.

Another night goes by alone. She sometimes

wishes she was never alive - better off dead than being

a lonely werewolf. Chaska was born to a seemingly normal

indian couple - but what they were on the inside was very

different. They were very abusive to their unique child, she 

was very pale, unlike most indians. She was never allowed outside of

her house - school being the only exeption. She was teased at school, but

home was much worse. She was beat, but the ignoring was worse. Her

parents treated dogs better - no pun intended. Until she phased for the first time,

freezing her at 15. She had heard tales of people turning into wolves - some said

she was related to such. She had never belived it of course, but now it all rushed to her.

Maybe thats why she was hated... She instantly hated herself, and flew into a rage and

ran through her house tearing things up and ripping them to shreds.

She went (very willingly) with her parents, and they dumped her in the woods, to

tend to herself. She sat there for what seemed like forever, then she finally got up

and still in her rage took off running deeper into the woods wondering if maybe

she might get better accepted as a wolf than human. But to her dismay, she was

sent away from all the packs she came across. She looked high and low in 

many states and canada, but she found no one that accepted her. She dubbed herself

a failure and settled down in a cave deep in the woods, she didn't pay any attention

where she was. All she knew is it was safe, and away from humans. Tears glistened in

her eyes as she thought about her past, and how she missed her old life - as terrible as it was.

She had lived here in this cave for years. She had still not grown used to the idea of phasing. But that wasn't

really bothing her at the moment, but what was bothering her was the sense that somebody was watching her lately. She'd seen eyes glaring at her from the thick canopy of trees, but when she took a harder look they seemed to disapear. She sighed again and layed down against the hard dirt floor. She also 

heard voices that night. But she strictly called them hallucinations. She looked up at ceiling 

and drifted off to sleep. 

Author's Note

Ignore grammar and spelling problems, I wrote it out of sheer boredom and its not very good.

Reviews

[In Progress]

there's potential, although i agree its in the crappy stage right now; polish it up; elaborate and expand, but don't go into excessive detail or u'll lose ur readers on the first chapter

hit them with a bang to hook them to finishing up atleast the first few paragraphs, then tell us what's going to happen in the future but vaguely, with suspense in hints, giving the background in snippets leading up to the climaxes; that way u don't overwhelm and u keep us intrigued

keep writing and i'll keep reading

[bluessadmood]

wow this is so nice and exciting to read ,i saw her life was miserable with parents who hardly accepted her ,and school friend who also were hard on her ,its strange why her parents sent her to the woods to be by her self,and amazing even more her accepting her new position alone in those woods thinking she belonged here more than with her folks ,nice really though strange a little,some events i saw strange here but the story line is really nice and exciting

[Sound]

I think it's definitely got something in that mess of sentences. It definitely has plot. I think the main problem is that it is obvious in just reading it that it was done in a hurry and no attention was paid to any structuring. It's almost like information overload in a relatively short amount of narrative. Hard to process. Am I making sense? I say you go back and edit it. Include more space--or filling as I call it--between things that happen to prevent info overload.