Neurosis

Matt -16-

 

April 1, 2002

I just turned thirteen.  Everything that's anything is coming to me now.  The girls, the parties, the sex, and booze.  It was like a rumor confirmed to be true.  My friends threw a party at some abandoned house near Welston by the river I cross over to go to school.  So it's not that far from my house, but its too deep into the woods for anyone to notice.  Nobody would go in there alone, so it was the perfect place.

We had it all planned out the week before.  Erik would tell everyone about it.  Shaun would bring food and beer [he's got an older brother with loads of it he stashes in his apartment].  John would pick out the setting of the party and I was gonna just sit back and relax.  It was my party, after all.

I knew everyone would come.  I've got an older sister who promised she'd spread word about it though she said nobody would want to come to some middle school party.  She guessed wrong.  It's like a trigger--when people hear that there's gonna be alcohol, anything seems like a good idea.  And I can promise you, it was a great idea.

Shaun and I cleaned up the place a few days ago.  So we're all just about setting up everything in the living room--or whatever's left of it--when the doorbell rings which really doesn't ring, it just makes this awful cracking noise that we forgot to fix.  Oh well.  They came.

"Matthew, ma' man!" Todd called me, shaking my hand.  "We're gonna get so fucked up, it's unbelievable.  Where's Erik?"

"He's in the kitchen with the rest of the guys.  You're kinda early." I said, closing the door behind him.

"That b***h Aaron told me it started eight and I thought I was getting late...b***h.  He's such a f*g."

"Man, he's been f*****g Gerino."

Todd's eyes bulged.  "That damn c**t?  That algebra teacher?  F**k, he's telling us s**t.  I don't believe it."

"It's true.  The police are all on it.  You know they've been in and out of the principal's since Monday."

"Damn, she's hot.  She can do me anytime, whatda'she want with Aaron?  F****t."

"I don't even know, man."

The bell rang--squeaked--again.

I opened the door and, well what do you know?  It's Aaron.

"I see you've arrived early, Todd.  Now how could have that happened?" he said, with a smirk.

Todd got in his face.  "Man, you are a fucked up dude.  I swear if you touch me--"

And the bell rang again.

And again.  And again.  Again.  Again.  And once more.  And that's pretty much all I did for a while.  Answer door bells and drank like there's no tomorrow.  Soon enough, I just left the door open and people swarmed in.  The music started blaring my ears, but I couldn't care less.  I was s**t-faced before they even brought out the f*****g cake.  I didn't care.  I only had my eyes on one thing and that was Izzy who was standing with her half-naked, butt-ugly friends who talk non-stop about nothing.  I don't know how she stands them, but it doesn't matter.  I just want to seal the deal by the end of the night.

"Iz, how you'doin'?" I asked her, sliding into a seat next to her.

She looked over at her friends and giggled, then turned back to me.

"Hey Matt, great party."

"Thanks, wanna beer?" I said, offering her mine.

She bit her lip.  "Sure." she said, with a smile.

"So how's your boyfriend?" I asked her.

She giggled.  '"I don't have one."

Some random girl grabbed my arm; I don't think she was wearing a shirt.  I don't know.  Everything's kinda blurry.  "Dance with me, Matty!"

"Later, chica." I said, with a smile, and leaned into Izzy.  "Really?  No boyfriend?  But you're so sexy...who could resist you?"

She giggled again and downed the beer.  She grabbed my arm and pulled me onto the floor.  We danced a few times, but I couldn't even hear the music.  She was just grinding on me--not that I didn't like that, but I wanted to move on.  This was taking longer than I thought it would.

"Dude, Matt!  Happy birthday, man!" some guy said, slapping me on the back.

"Right on!" I shouted back. I don't think he even went to my school....whatever.

"Izzy, let's go somewhere, okay?" I suggested, pulling her arm.

"Okay, can you get me another beer first?" she asked.  "I'm hot."

Yes, you are.  "Sure."  The more she's drunk, the better.

Drink after drink, she swallowed it all down.  By midnight, she was dancing on tables and pulling me along like a dog.  This wasn't what I had in mind, but maybe if I played with her a little, she would chill, so I just grinned and bore it for a while. 

"Matt.  MATT.  Get your a*s over here." Daniel, my older sister's boyfriend, shouted across the room.  He was gesturing for me to follow him and his friends.  This was a chance I was not passing up.  They were in highschool and I was in middle school.  I could not afford to miss out on connections.  Especially guys like him who dominate sports like they were born with it.

"Dude, we're gonna show you something I got when I turned thirteen.  I think you'll...appreciate us a little more.  We're your brothers, ya know?  We're comrades, right?"  he said, his arm around my shoulder.

"Yeah, 'cours-s-se.  Watcha' giv'in me?  Birthday present?" I asked, eager to know what they had in mind.

They pulled out some white crystal s**t in a plastic bag and stuffed it in my pocket.

"Yeah, something like that.  We can show you how to use it, but we gotta go somewhere else.  Can't stay here, man, in case, the cops come, ya know what I'm sayin'?"

I nodded.  "I know the place."

There was a small door, not very visible, which led to the basement.  There was one single light, but it worked just fine.  I pulled the cord and the room was lighted.  There was a small table surrounded by a couple of chairs. Daniel, his friends, and I sat around and he showed me everything.  He called it ice.  He showed me how to snort it and smoke it and told me I could inject it too.  My first time, I tried to snort it.  It shot up very quickly, burning me, burning the inside of me.  For something nicknamed "ice", it was pretty hot.  It was on fire.  I felt like there was a hot, burning sensation inside of me...then it was suddenly cold in the room.  It was an intense rush, I had to admit.  It made me feel good after a few minutes.  I was pretty damn high for my first time.  The guys were laughing, talking about something I didn't really care about.  I want some more of that stuff.  

"What'd you call that stuff-f-f?" I asked, my words slurring.  I felt it hot in my pocket.

" Ice, man.  It's meth."