Neurosis

Five different people. Five different problems.

Ch. 5 Peter -17-

I'm a nice, white kid living in a nice, white house with annoying, nice, white parents and siblings.  That are also white.  Not so nice.  It's funny how I've never really realised this, you know?  How everything I have and everything I do seems to have something to do with whiteness.  I never even knew.  My parents always seemed pretty cool with everyone.  My dad's the mayor.  He's rich.  My mom's a real estate agent.  She's also making big bucks.  My older sibling, Danielle, is going to become a lawyer and then I have my little brother, Danny.  We always seemed like the perfect, nice, white, mayor's family.  I always thought so too.  That is, until a few months ago.

See, I never had a problem with other ethnicities and I didn't think my family did either.  It just never occured to me, you know, that there were other cultures.  It seemed like a person was just a person.  I didn't see it.  I didn't understand it.  When we learned about slavery, I just didn't get it.  Why did people start a whole civil war over something so little as a color?  I thought people were crazy back in those days.  Then I learned that some people were crazy these days too...

A few months ago, our history class started a project.  We had to pair up with someone who had a different cultural background and write an essay about it.  There was this girl, Tanisha, in my class and she was so...beautiful.  She was one of those girls that most guys didnt even bother asking out because they knew they'd get turned down.

And I'm just some mayor's kid, so...

I didn't bother trying, because I knew I'd get turned down.  At first, she came over my house a couple of times to work on our project and I thought she was really cool.  She was funny, pretty, smart, and just a fun person to be around.  I really liked her.  And I still do like her, it's just...I hate that I never noticed how my family acted around her.  I was blind.

A few weeks later, we started hanging out more after school, in school, and eventually we started dating.  I was so stupid.  I was talking to my friends about it.  Tanisha and me.  How I really liked her and how it was between us.  I mean, I was really happy with her.  She wanted to become an archaeologist and I wanted to travel with her.  She wanted to get into an ivy league college and I could sleep outside her dorm.  I guess what I'm saying is I loved her and wanted to be with her.  Wherever she'd go.  I know, I know.  I fell a little too fast, too hard, but luckily she felt the same way.

I was stupid, because I didn't noticed the comments people left us.  The things they'd say, the dirty looks.  Some black guy slammed me into our lockers.

"Stop stealin' our women.", I heard him say.

Tanisha's friends hated me.  Maybe because they were all black and I was, well, chalk white.  They'd just stare at me or look away when I was near.  I'd give her a kiss on the forehead and by the time I'd look up, they were gone.

My friends acted weird around Tanisha as well.  Some of them were pretty cool about it, but some of them...  Jesus, I hate that they couldn't pull their dicks out of their asses and at least acted happy for me.  They could have pretended.  But they had clearly shown it.  They still show it.  Traitors.  Everyone and everything around us watched us like a target.  They're all traitors.  Even Tanisha started talking to me about it, acting concerned, wondering if our relationship was even worth it.  No one liked us together and when I told my parents about Tanisha, the first thing my mom said was, "Is she black?  Because her name sounds...unique."

"Well, yeah." I said, hoping she wouldn't be like the rest of them.  I put my fork down and laid back into my seat.

"Oh...well, you know, this relationship can't get in the way of your studies--"

I was relieved.  "I know, Mom--"

"--and don't you think for one moment that I won't want to meet her.  Who knows?  She could be in a drug dealer or a prostitute or--"

"Mom, she wants to get into Harvard."

"Well, you never know...I mean, you know how it is..."

"What?" I asked.

She looked at me blankly.  Like I was the stupid one.

"You know, those people.  Those black ones.  The ones that get into gangs and--"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, getting frustrated.  I was sick of this.  This was bullshit.  Everyone was giving me this bullshit about "those people".  Why was everyone so centered around protecting me from "those people"?

"Come on, Peter.  You're seventeen years old, you're heading to college, you should know by now that being in an interracial relationship will just not work out.  It's not part of our plan for you.  It's not part of your plan." my dad said, butting in.

Danielle rolled her eyes.  "Really, dad?  Is this not the 21st century?  What 'plan'?  Peter's gonna want to be in a relationship at some point in his life.  Might as well start now..."  She added the bit at the end just to screw with me.  As if I was having relationship issues.  Her fiance is screwing his best man and I'm having problems?

"His plan.  His future.  Don't throw it all away over some black girl!" mom pleaded me.  Basically yelling at me.

What makes me angry is that I know if her name had been Rachel or Amanda or any of those common, white girl names, they wouldn't be like this.  They wouldn't be pressuring me into leaving her.  I've been so close-minded.  Until the last few months, I just haven't realised how closed off I was from the world.  Racism was basically staring me in the face and I took it upon myself to ignoring it.  Blinded by love....dark humor.

"She's not just a black girl.  She's smart, and just about the most amazing person I have ever met...  Dad, you wouldn't understand.  You have a perfect, white b***h for a wife."

So, that's why I'm here.  Sitting at the bus station, because my parents kicked me out for the night.  And I'm texting Tanisha.  Asking her if she's alright and if she needs anything.  I wonder what she's doing right now.

I hope my parents enjoy their dinner.  I hope it's their last.