A letter to my ex I wrote

I never seem to know how to start these....well...let me try. First I just want to say that lately, I have been thinking about you...a lot. And I don't know why. I never did those first months after I broke up with you. But now...the memories. They all come flooding back. And after dating so many guys since then, I have learned that all of them have one thing in common. Their not you. Nor will they ever be. You were special to me. You were my first REAL boyfriend. My first kiss. You taught me everything about what it was like to feel loved...to feel appreciated. How a REAL relationship should be like. You were my longest and we made the most memories. I always think back to my Disney trip...and how happy I was..because of you. I remember that day at Busch gardens together and I remember that day at your house...when we ran errands with your family and got smoothies together and ate steak for dinner. How we made out on your bed and had to worry about your brother coming in.and that day on your boat..when I met you on the dock and we went back to your beach house. How we sat up at the top of the boat hand in hand holding on for dear life as the boat shook back and forth..how when your cousin wasn't looking, we would sneak kisses and then he would get annoyed because we weren't kissing in front of him..when we went to that beach for hours and just messed around..when we swam around the whole lake and then went to the railroad track. We had that seaweed fight and had the best time. And how the next day, I got heat exhaustion and was throwing up and all you did was care about me all day and think it was your fault. You made me realize what really liking someone, really was. Lately I have been yelling at myself everyday for leaving you, it was foolish...stupid. I was going through a lot...I didn't know what I wanted...I was confused. I wanted the freedom of seeing other guys and what they were like. But now i know it's not all its cracked up to be. But now...it's too late. I realized too late. I should have never left you...especially like that...without warning. But at the same time I'm glad I did. I have grew up more in this past year than I ever have. I have learned so much and have also changed a lot. I try to see the happier side of things. Apppreciate what I have because I now no that it can disappear in a second. I'm glad I left because if I didn't...I would always have that feeling of what if I did. I would never have dated the people I did..the ones that taught me so much, even if it was so stupid....Josh, Jake..Brandon. and even whatever me and Jesse had. I learned so much from that. I believe everything happens for a reason. But like I said, you made me happy. I still remember those phone calls..the 12am talking about nothing phone calls. The phone calls where I would be waiting all day, just to get home and talk to you. It was a ritual..we would talk atleast once a day..for hours on end...and the nighttime calls were the best..you fighting your cousins or yelling at your family in the background...my late night highs that became almost expected. That feeling that i got when you called me babe..you were the first one I ever really called that.that was the best.Guys don't really call anymore..and that's what I like about you. You were different from the rest...u cared..u were a good guy...but now it's way too late. I didn't realize what I had until it was gone. I would do anything to get you back and I know not to even try. You hate me...I'm sure of it...you have every right to. You have probably moved on. I see you in the hallways and i hate that I can't say hello. But I Do know that I can sometimes see the hurt..how you won't even look at me, let alone talk to me.I can see that it really does bother you..the pain I caused...I remember the last words you said to me. "You know what, whatever camryn" it dosnt sound like much...but it hurt...I know the pain you were feeling when you said it because now, a year later, I have felt that same pain...multiple times. I was thinking today, about how we got together. It would have never happened without the help of Steph. Come to find out, she liked you the whole time..but she cared about me more than herself..and put that aside. And I'm so glad that she did. I was looking through my old yearbook today..I found what she wrote...talking about how she would forever ship us until she was 84 and on her death bed...it feels like forever ago....but it was really only a year. So much has changed since then....so much. I hope that one day we can find a way to come back to each other. I look back at the old pictures and laugh and smile at the memories...then cry, because it's over. I remember the inside jokes, my craziness at 12am...the whipped cream jokes and the whipped cream fight...the stupid Spanish...the reesies....the stupid rubber band war and the play fights we used to have and the text wars. I remember how our hands fit together perfectly and how your lips felt pressed to mine. I remember the spot on my bed...where u first made out with me. I remember the day you asked me out.I remember that pool party and how clueless everyone was. And most importantly..I remember how happy I was..I remember your screensaver, and that night in downtown Disney...when I had never been happier...and I remember waking up the next morning..in my hotel..and going out for a walk..or so I said. I really went down to the little beach with the hammocks..wishing you were there to hold me. Writing our names in a heart in the sand and feeling a sense of calm and happy, because everything was perfect in the world...I had you. You would have done anything for me..you stood up for me, defended me, and most importantly, cared about me. I could never have asked for anything more than that. It's weird to think that a year ago from today..I had you all to myself. I can't say it enough how stupid I am and how I only just now realize it. I'm not writing tjis to change your mind and try and get you back..if anything..my whole point of writing this is so that you know...you did mean something to me. Even if I didn't tell you enough. You made me happier than anyone and I am truly thankful for that. I want you to know that it wasn't all for nothing...that you did change me in some way or another. And those months we had together made me so happy. I can't stress that enough. Just please know that I do still Care about you. And I never stopped.and I never will. I didn't mean to hurt you...that was not my intention at all. There was nothing wrong with you...there was something wrong with ME.So if i had one wish....please take me back...because I know that if u did...I would never let you go. But I also know. ..that I don't even deserve a second chance.

Love,Your old second half