Dream Theater "Sequence 3"

Ladies and Gentlemen

Gather round

Another episode of Dream Theater

Is about to go down

 

Head hits the pillow

Falling fast asleep

Show is just about to start

Nobody make a peep

 

I am now on a canoe

Floating down the stream

Nobody else is around

As it would seem

 

Me versus nature

As I see rough waters ahead

If I don't maneuver just right

I'll surely be dead

 

Get past the first part

Without a hitch

Paddling for my life

So I don't wind up in a ditch

 

Waves starting to crash

Rocking the boat

Trying my best

To stay afloat

 

I see up ahead

The biggest test

The river had

Bigger than the rest

 

I suck it up

Give it my best

Paddle like hell

To get out of this mess

 

It's getting rougher still

Rocking back and forth

Arms getting weak

Just a little more

 

It's finally over

I've reached the still

I awaken to my alarm

Man, what a thrill

 

Reviews

[Bethany Woody]

A nice little adventure in rhyme form. This one was fun, keep them coming.

Only two things that I saw this first time thru.

The river had, Bigger than the rest- Just curious here, The river had bigger what then the rest? I'm guessing rapids.....? I see up ahead, the biggest test, the river had, bigger rapids than the rest.

It's getting rougher still, Rocking back and forth, Arms getting weak, Just a little more--Forth and more don't rhyme so it throws off the end of the piece. You could try rearranging the words, something like this.....It's getting rougher still, rocking forth and back, arms getting tired, muscles under attack. Switching the words makes it so you can more easily keep the rhyme flowing, and the muscles under attack still shows that you could be growing weak from your adventure, so you still keep the same tone to the piece.

Just ideas and it is up to you how you write the piece, it is yours after all.

Hope I helped some.

[Lady V]

The imagery and adventures of Brandon. Dun Dun Dun. What is there to say but good job. When we are sleep we dream of what we want or what we have. Im ready to read the next one now.


Live, Love and Learn

Lady V

[Seriana]

Ha!! This one is cute. I think a wee bit of punctuation (like a myriad of !!!!!!!) would make it even more effective. But that's just me, I was adding them in my mind. I feel like I'm on a psychedelic ride through Brandonland! Keep them coming. :)