When emotions overtook me!

I found out i was being betrayed and i had bad dreams about all the bad things which happened in my life! I had never cried since i could suppress them but now it all seemed too much to keep held in!

There is no other way to describe it…When this hurting starts, your heart pounds too hard on your chest, I’m sitting on a sullen wet ground, wanting and yet still not wanting to cry! My tears are fighting their way out of my eyes and my heart is pulling them back! My fist is clenching into a ball but all the stronger I try my heart is pounding too hard, too quickly, my chest bones can’t take it they are on the verge of breaking, I feel my heart. I’m struggling against my strong emotions, just pulling back my tears, sniffing hard and fast! I’m too horribly hurt! I’m struggling against the war inside my own heart and I can not breath properly, breathing is just hurting my drenched heart more, cracks are forming in my heart and on its surface and all my chest bones are struggling to keep my heart upright! I’m too scared of what might happen if trapped emotions spilled out of these cracks. I don’t know what’s going on, my eyes are getting blurry and I strain my heart further to stop the tears, I can’t understand the earth around me, my face and neck are sweating with the hot air around me, I’m dying inside, my heart is going to explode like a balloon, I wish I had already died but I am forcing myself to live, my throat is being jammed by gulps and hiccups and emotions and I have to hold them in. The world is spinning, my head seems lost in all directions, I am trying to drain out the memories but I just can’t, my head is hurting as if its core would explode, I can’t think and my forehead is sweating. The flood of tears and fears jammed in my head are destroying my brain. My head is pushing out a scream through my mouth but my dried lips refuse to open, this scream is hurting my jaws and every time I withdraw from trying to scream I feel a bullet hit my heart and mind, something inside me is letting out a scream, I am dizzy, drowning, frightened, too unsure even to move my limbs, I’m sinking, sweating, having hiccups which I am trying to drown and this is hurting my throat, it’s like something has seized my throat and is shooting arrows at it, I’m feeling boiling hot from the inside and freezing cold from the outside, I even refrain from shivering and have been looking at the round for hours regardless the pain in my shoulders which are already tight as a knot, I’m hugging my own self, a huge surge of power is beating in my stomach, I can’t see properly, I can’t see properly, I’m holding in my tears so much that it’s causing me to hiccup uncontrollably and I’m trying to stop them but all I can do is yelp. I am trying to stop yelping but it is only hurting me internally, my heart is being hurt by a hammer, my eyes are even more blurry and my nose is too red and I am sniffing but it’s too hard, it’s hurting my nose, I can’t bear to think that anybody might hear me, this is sending alarms in my head. My blood is jamming and my vessels are growing cold. A chilly breeze is freezing the sweat on my neck and my heart is too quickly pumping blood. Moving my fingers is hard because they are hurting, I’m growing dry and pale, I can’t bear it, my body and soul are on the verge of exploding and my lungs are fill to the brim with anger, my chest and stomach are paining and I can’t hear or see anything except illusions. Suddenly I can’t take it longer, I stand up in an instance and run towards something, gasping and wailing and crying, I grab it with extreme anger and with a huge scream throw it at the mirror, I start screaming and crying and throwing things around in the air and at other things,I shout and scream and tear my messed up hair, I scream at the top of my voice and I can’t take it, I run but I don’t know where, I bump into walls and furniture and suddenly fall dizzy on the broken glass, and now I am bleeding, it doesn’t hurt as much and I just stand up and start shouting names at the walls and ceilings, I jump onto my bed hitting and biting my pillows and throwing the bed sheet with anger on the floor, I pick up a teddy bear and hug it too tightly and cry, I lay down sobbing and crying and screaming and went into a deep sleep! I survived the agony of betrayal!      

Author's Note

This once happened with me! I am telling he truth! The limits of pain were crossed...