Trapped

I'm trapped 


the water is rising


I can't find a way out


will anyone help me?


there is no air 


I can't breathe, I can feel you there 


but my eyes are blinded


DONT LET ME GO... please...


the water is at the top now 


pressing me against the wall


are you still there?


I can't find you


everythings a blur


the room is spinning


I'm short of breath,


I'm sinking


suffering


ALONE....................... your gone....

Reviews

[KatiePie]

I really like the flow of this whole thing, it's simple and honest, but thats what I enjoy about it, because that's what makes it beautiful. This is a great write. :) You use wonderful imagery and reading this was like watching a scene play in my head. Again, great write. :) I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Madame Mystique]

I don't know if this has something to with me being an asthmatic person... or if I'm being too dramatic (last one sounds more believable xD) but this poem nearly made me choke... Powerful and raw write, keep it up :D

[nightmask]

your poem is very simple in it's words and i really like that in art they say that less is more and in this poem it's very true the lack of description makes it really good i think this good also be a song :] good job

[Matthew Kult]

I like it. I like the suspense.

I do think you could expand on it or give us a why she is under water....Me enjoying killers....that is a way to take it....just suggestions..

Great write, shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

With Love,

Jaidyn

P.S. I went over your reviews and saw the one you left, I went and reread and I completely see it now....ugh I can be so blonde....I got so caught up in her "life and Death"....A definate great write.

[AbbeyLyn]

It's pretty good, and I agree with momo about the last line...
I would just end it with "you're gone."
But it's just a suggestion...

[xNote_to_selfx]

hah I guess you could say she's drowning but not from water from loneliness :)

[Casper]

glub glub she drowning or something? its depressing. i like it LOL

[momo]

its pretty good (In contrast to your note lol) the ending though throws me off completely..that last line you dont need at all..thats just me though in any case good write!