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Compartment 114
Compartment 114
Trapped

Trapped

A Poem by xNote_to_selfx


I'm trapped 


the water is rising


I can't find a way out


will anyone help me?


there is no air 


I can't breathe, I can feel you there 


but my eyes are blinded


DONT LET ME GO... please...


the water is at the top now 


pressing me against the wall


are you still there?


I can't find you


everythings a blur


the room is spinning


I'm short of breath,


I'm sinking


suffering


ALONE....................... your gone....

© 2010 xNote_to_selfx


Author's Note

xNote_to_selfx
I wrote this in like 6th grade so it prob. sucks hah. enjoy! :)

My Review

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Reviews

I don' think it "sucks". Quite the contrary, it shows an author and poet in her early stages. The sensation of drowning is so complete that we can use it as a metaphor in writing. The feelings of being alone, pressed, desperately needing air, needing help... these are things anyone can relate to and using drowning makes them all the more profound. Very well written.

N. Strong

Posted 14 Years Ago


No way does this suck, its brilliant, nice use of metaphors. :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


This poem is very emotional very deep

Keep writing

Dalebear

Posted 14 Years Ago


This was a really powerful poem. Your wording was strong, and made a real emotional impact. I liked the spacing of your lines, and thought that it reflected the whole idea of a struggle really well. There were a few mistakes in terms of grammar, but other than that, this was an awesome write. A deep and thought-provoking write. Nice work,
~PaperHearts

Posted 14 Years Ago


i think this is amazing and hard to believe a sixth grader wrote this. i absolutely love poetry like this, the kind that traps the reader in this whirlwind of emotion and makes the reader feel exactly what you want them to. fantastic job. :D

Posted 14 Years Ago


I could feel the emotion panic while reading this. Excellent write. It seemed like you were experiencing a terrifying dream, brought on by some real experience. Well put together and a "nail biting" read! Good job!

Posted 14 Years Ago


That's great! Then isn't suck at all, but a very great write instead!
Very Powerful, the way you describe the pressure and the feeling under ground.
Nice Work!

Posted 14 Years Ago


This poem is great. Its really passionate and powerful. good job

Posted 14 Years Ago


this definetly doesnt suck... this reminds me of a love gone wrong type thing...Very nicely done.

Posted 14 Years Ago


it does not suck, maybe you can edit it and say where you are tapped, like in a bathtub, in a locked door? its pretty good though and thanks for the friend request.

Posted 14 Years Ago



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342 Views
18 Reviews
Rating
Added on October 5, 2010
Last Updated on October 14, 2010

Author

xNote_to_selfx
xNote_to_selfx

MO



About
Hi my name is Jade. I am 17 years young. My hobbies include writing (obviously), reading and playing bass guitar. One of the authors I look up to is Anne Rice, she is an amazing writer and I aspire to.. more..

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