The World Watcher

             Sitting here, quiet, resolute and with thoughts running through my head like a frantic record keeper trying to keep track of all the files that weren’t in order. Picking at specific human reason and filing it under their intentions. Running back and forth trying to understand why we do this and why we do that. Of course my theories are only a perception and my reasons were only a scapegoat. So does that mean my thoughts sum up to utter bullshit? Writing in the darkness of my room with only a lamp on, am I that pathetic? Writing a note that lists every single bad thing in the world and trying to understand it. Is that such a bad and meaningless attempt? To yearn for certainty and clarity in the world that I live in? It may be meaningless, but as long as it’s read I’m fine with that. It gives purpose to this last piece I’m writing.

            “Don’t even try to get into exchanging insults with me, you aren’t nearly as smart as you think you are to win” Sam said to Esther as I eavesdropped during study hall, “You’ll just embarrass yourself.”

            Samuel Harrison is a snotty senior that believes that everyone around him who has wronged him is mentally weak compared to him. Being picked on constantly because he believed he was smarter then them. Despite the fact it wasn’t because of his high IQ but because he looked like a dork. Of course that is what I believe; I’ve never talked to Sam maybe it’s because I didn’t feel like getting sucked into his Ego. Observing him is so much better. He may think that he’s smart and complex, but getting into his mind was simple. He’s an ego-tripper, which is what I call individuals who are blinded by their own egos. Of course Sam is blinded to the point where he believes he’s no longer human but an a*****e, which is what he comes off as.

            “Man, if he tries s**t I’d probably punch him in the face” Leland says to his group of friends as I walked past them in the halls.

            Physical threats is a just a way to vent anger in a barbaric way. I’m guessing it makes them feel secure and strong when they are threatened or angry. Do you really have to resort to making other people uncomfortable and creating controversy just so you can feel a little bit better about yourself? The pathetic thing is when someone says such idiotic things; it’s only to impress the people around them. They are self conscious to what others think about them. Being strong is an image that they have to keep, so talking it out would make you seem like a pansy in today’s youth. So why care what other people think about you in the first place when all it creates is controversy.

            I put my pencil down on my desk and took a break from my thoughts. Walking into my bathroom I unzipped my pants and released a stream of urine. I flushed the toilet and reentered my dark and empty room. The window fogged as the only thing capable of viewing is a beam of light coming from the street lights. I sat back down, picked up my pencil and synchronized with my mind.

           

 

            I dislike people, so does that mean I dislike myself? Of course I dislike myself, because I’m just like everyone else. Even if I think different it is only a perception. Other people perceive things differently. My theories aren’t even true, I can’t read minds but I am capable of inferring. Guessing, this would deteriorate my data and make them less then 30% fact. Even though these people act in such a mainstream way in society, how do I know they act differently when they are by themselves? That’s because I don’t know, I don’t fully know at all. Yet I am able to infer peoples actions based on their personality and seem as though I am right.

            “Have you done any drugs before you came here?” Mrs. Perkins asked Chris as a look of disbelief came upon his face.

            Mrs. Perkins occupation lists her as a teacher, although I see her more as an instructor. This isn’t an inference; this is my opinion on the subject matter of teacher or instructor. A teacher is a person who teaches, not only their subject but also on life. They also speak about their life to their students as if they are equals. An instructor is a person who instructs and shows authority. Usually instructors hold no enthusiasm in their jobs but do what they can until the day ends. A teacher is consumed in the well being of their students and how well they do. Instructors never get to know their students while teachers do. Mrs. Perkins shouldn’t have inferred Chris Duvalle was on drugs even though he was. If Mrs. Perkins were a teacher, she would have helped him get through his addiction. Seeing as how she is an instructor all she was capable of doing was suspending him or expelling him.

            Why are people so imperfect yet they believe that they are better then others? Now that I look back, is this note even worth it? Doesn’t it take common sense and logic to know that these people would think this way? How do I know that these other human beings think as I do? What if they really don’t and I am the only unique thinker left? No, it is a meaningless attempt. I’ve used these people as a scapegoat long enough to deal with my own feelings.

            “You worthless piece of s**t” my Dad says to me “What the hell are you going to do with your life.”

            I don’t know what I am going to do with my life. My hobbies consisted of trivial things that only kept me occupied. I have no goals in life; I have no natural talent besides art. Who’s going to fund my supplies and what’s going to fuel my creativity? It may as well be the fact that I have to much free time which lets me think this way. That these people I try to understand in a condescending manner have a brighter future then I. That the word perception has come back and decided to bite me in the a*s as it always has.

            “Why are you so stupid Alex” my mom says to me “Look at these grades”

            The funny thing is that I’m not stupid, I just lack enthusiasm. If I have no goals in life then why even care? Yet, in my eyes I am constantly surrounded by imperfect people in a imperfect world. My mom preaches god yet she has the time to call her own son stupid and my father who disowns me because I don’t want to be just like him. This conflict sounds to mainstream in my eyes. So why keep on living when I understand almost every ounce of human personality?

            The sun has now risen as I opened my window to breathe the fresh morning air. Opening my desk drawer I pulled out a black object and set it on my table next to my note.

            No goal and not even love to keep myself living. Yet goals and love are only a step away and can be easily obtained. You can say that I am lazy and am always looking for an easy way out but that’s not true. Why live in a world with imperfect standards and imperfect people? I myself am not even perfect yet why can’t I live in a world and accept its imperfectness. Maybe it’s because I know, that eventually in the future everything will change. People will learn from their mistakes and become more open minded. No, I jest this situation can be compared to a black jack game.

            I grabbed the black object and shut off my lamp.

            I’ve reached a close number but not of the number 21 and I have a tough choice. To either hit or stay at my relatively low but close number of 16. Well I’m not taking the easy way out as you may have perceived. I choose to hit.

            Putting the black object next to the side of my head I sign eloquently, Alex Rodger.

Author's Note

Was my Quarterly Assessment for Creative Writing.

Reviews

[Mr. Misanthrope]

Astounding piece of writing and very original. There are a few grammatical mistakes, however, but the whole story in general is deep. You have successfully managed to show how deep the mind can go, without boring the reader. Stray thoughts, raw emotions, pride, judgement....it's all there.

Great work!

Luke

[sara]

holy crap lol...i normally have no patience for these types of writing but jeez...this is really good.

[Pikachu]

dude man i can relate shyt gud work man i should try writing stories

[Str8jacket]

Wow...This is amazing. It's so insightful and filled with emotion. You are truly my writing inspiration.