Vanish

No noise beyond the echo of memories
Time idles by
As only a dust of smoke
Is left among the ashes
The past is soon forgotten
The present freezes in silence
The future cherished no longer
Agony and anguish fade within sorrow and sunder
Only one thought comes to mind
Vanish

Author's Note

All reviews will be appreciated

Reviews

[deadlife]

A brilliant write.
Short, but to the point..I like the flow..and imagery.
Awesome work.
I felt like..As if one jumped from a plane..From Up.. very up there...And all these thoughts were coming in mind, as he's approaching the ground.
Wonderful.

[JC Fox]

Great job its short and sweet and still a powerful piece

[Todd]

I like this. The shortness of the poem goes along with the vanishing thought very nicely, and nothing is overdone. "Time idles by" and "Agony & anguish fade within sorrow& sunder" are very strong lines. You've sprinkled alliteration/consonance/assonance throughout this very nicely as well, and that lends to the power of the poem. As far as suggestions go: I would change the first line to "No noise beyond the echo of memory." I think making nouns singular makes them more powerful in certain situations and helps the poem sound better as a whole. Also, two minor things: I'd change the & symbols to "and," and put a colon after the word "mind." Other than those suggestions, I think this is a great poem. Strong word choice, good flow, great image.

[Lady Kervein]

As far as opinion goes, and most know I'm highly opinionated, I felt for my favorite element on this piece; time. Writing of time and its passing has some sort of draw to me and this is no different. The structure reminds me of a tall building which, in supporting itself on such a seemingly small word, still stands despite the weight of its burden. ^^ Lovely, please keep writing.