Untitled

Outside, it rains grey
Inside, the lovers quarrel
Above, the clouds it's day
Underneath, the creatures burrow

Within, the truth lies
Deep down, the pain screams
Inside, the soul cries
In our sleep, we rain dreams

Author's Note

All reviews will be appreciated

Reviews

[Mariah]

this one is so cool,
i love how you started and ended with rain
and you did the ABAB ryhme format.
very classic, but never used often.
i love i love.
beautiful.
good job. :) :)

[Todd]

This is very beautiful. I think you should feature it. I especially liked how you started and ended with rain, but in such opposite ways: outside as opposed to in our sleep, grey as opposed to dreams. Also, the rhyme between "pain screams" and "rains dreams" is very nice. If you wanted to make that rhyme even stronger, you could change "it rains dreams" to "we rain dreams." Also, with just a few fixes on commas, this is even stronger.
Here's my edited version:

Outside, it rains grey
Inside, the lovers quarrel
Above the clouds, it's day
Underneath, the creatures burrow

Within, the truth lies
Deep down, the pain screams
Inside, the soul cries
In sleep, we rain dreams.

Though, those are only suggestions. You're the author, so your opinion matters most in this situation. Beautiful poem either way.

[Str8jacket]

I like the use of opposites. I think it adds a lot to the poem. It was short and sweet but powerful.