Her Promise

"you can't come with me?"

"it's not my time, soon my love, i promise."

 

She was young.

Her fate was her end.

Beautiful blonde hair, rests on her shoulders.

She lay.

Lifeless.

I caress her hand, tracing her veins.

No tears stream my eyes.

I'm watching her.

She left me seconds ago.

I can't grasp what happend.

It didn't happen.

She's alive.

My baby.

My world.

My daughter.

No.

 

Tears start flowing down my cheeks.

I could care less.

 My throat becomes sore.

My face turns hot.

I'm screaming.

Doctors throw open the small white door.

Two women are holding me,

pinning me to their sides.

A man in a grey coat shoots a long needle into my vein.

My throat eases.

My tears lessen.

My eyes begin to close.

I glance at my life being wheeled out the door.

 

I wake.

It's cold.

I remember what happened.

Everything around me is blurry.

The room is empty.

I look at the table next to me.

Sleeping pills, and a glass of water rest on the night stand.

Without hesitation,

i grasp the pills, and stare at the bottle.

Tears start falling on my lap.

I shove the tablets into my mouth.

The room slowly turns black.

 

A flickering candle.

My daughter is sitting in the center of an empty room.

I run to her.

I'm not crying.

I can't cry.

I hug her, kissing her.

 

"now sweetheart, is my time."

 

Reviews

[Lucy Joan]

The theme is very passionate and saddening. There's a dark edge to it, but it is also intense. I agree with the previous comments; although you added no rhyme scheme, the words chosen flowed with the structure of your poem. The diction is also thoughtfully chosen. I can see the passion of the father with his beautiful daughter dying in his arms. Amazing emotions are expressed in this poem. The parallelism with the fate of the father and that of the fate of the daughter is also very powerful; though it is depressing, your poem is amazingly clear and relatable with the situations that many people face today. Wonderful poem.

[Jemma]

Wow amazing write. And I agree with Twilight. It doesn't have a rhyme scheme but it does flow very well. Its like a story put into a poem. I love it. Its emotional and depressing. But also holds hope. Beautiful write.

[Twilight]

Although it does not have a rhyme scheme, this piece has other great qualities. The writer has captured those traumatic moments, during which the protagonist feels disorientated and filled with self-doubt. It has a very sad theme, but these incidents are probably more common than most people like to acknowledge.

The protagonist still manages to express love and concern for her daughter, even though she knows that her own life is drawing to a close.

"A flickering candle". This reminded me of the signs of life appearing, and then receeding (like during the process of dying). And like a candle flame, human life can be just as transitory, and for an unpredictable duration.

Thankyou, for sharing such a thoughtful piece of writing, with your fellow members of the "Dark Poetry" Group! I hope to read, share and review more of your writing, in due course!