The Rain's Present

I place my hand on the foggy glass,

letting her taste me.

I stare at her, i've been waiting.

I step out on the muddy concrete.

We are united.

I'm not like the others,

i am her equal.

Everyone runs from us,

but why would i run from myslef?

We could come down hard, or gentle.

Either way, we aren't forgiven for being ourselves.

I stand completley still, leting her drown me.

Suffocating my thoughts, it's our time.

She helps me hide my tears, with her own.

My knees weaken.

I fall to the ground, she can't help me back up.

She's on top of me, falling on me, sinking me, shoving me.

I don't move.

I let her.

I stay with her.

Her weight lightens, she slowly leaves me.

I am alone again.

I look up at my window.

All that remains is,

our  handprint.

Reviews

[Inner Rain]

This is very very touching. I have felt like this once, and yes, it did turn out very very lonely afterward. Beautiful piece.

But just on a small note... you might wanna check your spelling and cut the lines into stanzas so its less heavy on the eyes.

Other than that, its GREAT! Love the emotion! :P

[qaralynn]

great poem..love it

[Twilight]

This is thoughtfully written, and raises various questions in the reader's mind! Perhaps, the most fundamental which the reader might ponder over, is the identity of the person being described by the protagonist. She makes it clear, that she is relating to more than one protagonist, with words such as "our" and "We". Therefore, why is only one handprint mentioned at the end of this poem, when there is more than one protagonist?

The very title is slightly cryptic, as well. On the surface, it seems to be a reference to some form of gift or present which has been brought by the rain. Alternatively, it could also be interpreted as a reference to the actual presence of the rain. Or, the influence of this presence?

As a metaphor, the rain is often associate with sorrow, tears or despair. Quite often, it is linked with some slightly dark concept (or theme). In line nine, the word "myself", has been spelt incorrectly. I'm sure that the writer will correct that in due course (time permitting). I agree with Meggie's observation, about the effective personification in this piece. Thankyou, for sharing this with us! Keep reading, writing, sharing and reviewing!

[Sun]

I read your poem "The Rain's Present" you have a uneak stile all your own I think. And I have to say I loved your poem, it was sad but very sweet at the same time. And I wanted to thank you for taking this same time to read my work and reviewing it. ~smiles~

[Ama May Cooper]

This is such a tremendos peae, the carefree playful antics in the rain. And the way it almost sounds sexual the way you have written it very well done

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I have always loved the rain... something so cleansing and carefree bout it... what a beautiful way to show your one with nature's gift. a wonderful poem.

[Smile It's Megan&hearts..]

I like this. I like how you use little words to desribe the rain. Without the need to even say rain. I also like how you use personification. Very well written.