A Lover's Haunting

It's now.

She walks the corridors when the moon touches the sky.

The halls cry out to the sway of her golden hair.

Doors slamming from her unexplainable force.

She enters his room, surrounds him with agony.

She whispers,

"run away with me..."

 

It's forver.

She lurks the gardens when the sun hits the sky.

The rooms turn silent, for her presence is lost.

Doors gentley opening at the brightness of day.

He rises, he's free.

He cries,

"please don't stay with me..."

 

She lays in her empty room.

Her malicious eyes staring at her bloody hands.

Watching him in her mind.

Waiting, to play with him in his dreams.

Reviews

[Jae]

I agree, it also reminds me a little of Poe's morbid work.
Its haunting and absolutely lovely.

~Rem

[deeps]

This is a most wonderful write here
I can feel the emotion in this.
Very well written

[Twilight]

"Waiting, to play with him in his dreams". Although this line sounds, as if the protagonist intends to do something quite nice, it is far more likely that she intends to torment her victim (like a cat playing with a mouse).

There are some quite emotive lines, and it's certainly quite well written. Perhaps, a rhyme scheme would have helped? However, that is not always necessary, for a poem to be effective. There is one emotional moment, when the male victim pleads for the protagonist to leave him alone, "please don't stay with me..." (see verse two).

Interestingly, the hapless victim is portrayed as if he is either awakening from a mere slumber, or returning from the dead. Was this ambiguity intended by the writer, perhaps? Either way, it adds a further sense of terror or dread to this piece.

There is one error, where a word is missing from one of the lines. After the word "lurking", "in" should be inserted. "Lurking" is a verb. Also, "gentley" should be spelt as "gently" in the same verse. In theme, this piece is atmospheric, dark, tense and reminds me a little of Edgar Allan Poe's morbid (and brilliant) writing. And, as suggested by the title, "haunting"....

[Tori]

REally good. Amazing descriptions! I epspically loved the bloody hands part! HA! BLOOD!!! Sorry...