Rain

i just wrote this one. Inspired by the beautiful weather outside and the inherent beauty of the healing (and destructive) properties of love.

I wandered in the wastes of what was to come
As the sky tore open and the ozone split
and the purest current of apprehension
Freed this bereft prisoner
in a single strike

Where the light would not reach,
only this could wash away the tainted memory

Begging for salvation or perdition,
I was granted ascension by relief from what I feel

Sometimes I would wonder

If she ever thought it was real

But until I met you I was trapped in-between;

was I being punished for some sin,
Or was it Fate's black-luster sheen?

      I now see the bitter-sweet truth that was there all along

Of Fate and of loss,
and of Love and of gain

By a mending of my heart
to the rhythm of the rain

Reviews

[...]

... it's a song ... a beautiful and moving song ... the opening line is amazing ... and has great alliteration ... " and the purest current of apprehension " ... is an intense expression ... so is " begging for salvation or perdition " ... infinitely profound ... the single most unforgettable expression in this verse is ... " Or was it Fate's black-luster sheen? " ... it's magical ... and the last two lines are just amazingly melodious ... p.s. ... i'm not good at explicit constructive criticism ... but if you read carefully ... it's all there ... :) ...

[steppenwolf]

This is true poetry. The images, rhyming at the end. Lovely.

[Aries]

thank you :)

[frivolous treasures]

Absolutely beautiful. There is something between a writer/artist and the rain. It's absolutely calming and inspirational.

"of fate and of loss
and of love and of gain
by mending of my heart
to the rhythm of the rain"

Brilliantly written ^_^ maika'i no, very well done!

[Aries]

thanks for your time :) something about the rain is captivating. I could write a hundred songs about it and not capture the feeling wholly.

[frivolous treasures]

Hear hear!! I absolutely love the rain =^^= Thank goodness for rainy seasons :D

[KAREN]

This is beautiful, love the last stanza! Breath taking!!!

[Jason Shadows]

Very Good I Like This One Very Much. Great Writing My Friend. Keep Them Coming.