heartbeats and hesitation

you grab ahold of my hands

they're clammy; i'm nervous

you look me in straight in the eyes

you're trying to prove yourself

 

i'm hesitant, i don't want to feel it

i don't want the warmth

if you'll just take it back

 

but you pull me close

and you take me in your arms

and i can't fight it anymore

 

i grab on tight

and i try desperately never to let go

i don't want to cry

i dont want you to know

just how happy this one embrace can make me

 

i'm daring

i whisper

"i love you so much."

 

you're daring

you whisper

"you have no idea."

Reviews

[Louise Whalen]

Ooh, I really like the ending. It's a BANG.

I think your placement of commas in your stanzas are rather irregular, since most lines are separate thoughts. Personally, I don't think you need a comma after these lines:

1. you look me in straight in the eyes,
2. i'm hesitant, i don't want to feel it,
3. i don't want the warmth,
4. i don't want to cry,
5. i dont want you to know,
6. i'm daring,
7.. you're daring,

Personally, I think you should abolish all the punctuation. It would create a greater effect.

Overall, good imagery and good form.

[lorrainelobotomy]

i love this, it's beautiful.

[Heather]

gabbs, i really like this.
great write!!

[Ben Walton]

i agree with louise with the comma bit.

i also agree with the abolishment of punctuation. especially the quotation marks.

and i also like the beginning and the ending, they both tie the rest together with emotions more than words.

love ya.