Blink of An Eye (Tanka)

Love and life

inside my own mind

looking out, then realizing

my loves like this life

it can be destroyed by me

or saved by blink of an eye

Reviews

[iand63]

This reminds me of a verse from one of my all time favourite songs

We are our own saviours
Then she comes
Spilling crumbs
On the bed
And I shake my head

Wondering Aloud Jethro Tull

[Willard Wells]

I have listened to a bit of Jethro in my time also. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

[EileenMarie]

Very meaningful. I do love Tanka's. If a Tanka is 5/7/5/7/7

The 2nd line is 6 and should be 7.

Otherwise very powerful and gives one a moment to pause and think, was it worth it?

[Willard Wells]

You are very correct. I need to review the original and see what I dropped out since I did verify. Guess I should have proofed better on the uptake. Thank you for your time in reviewing my work..

[Willard Wells]

Well, the error was in the site of my counts. I find it errors sometimes and I don't always agree. Apparently I failed to check. Thank you again. Easy fix.

[EileenMarie]

Hard to correct poetry because its more about the meaning, the feelings, the expression. Yet I felt I could mention it and hope I didn't come across as being a know it all :)

[Willard Wells]

OH, no problem. The issue I find with Senryu, Haiku and Tanka, is there has been an Americanization of some and it seems to have started with Jack Kerouac and his Haiku in the '50's. While nice short verse, they do not meet the true traditional form. Due to this matter, I often do not label my work, just to reduce the discussion.

This was an easy fix and when I checked it said 5-8-5-7-7. I am wondering it the comma was the issue, which again does not belong in this style. Thanks again.

[EileenMarie]

ahhh! see I use the "pound my fist to the table" method when counting syllables lol. Just like I learned in elementary school haha!

[Willard Wells]

Well if I had pounded the table before posting it might have been correct, but I took the sites count and ran with it. I know better, but in my apparate rush, I made an error

[David Scott]

Empowering thought. We have to own our state of mind indeed.

[Willard Wells]

Everything in life up to life and death can change in the blink of an eye and we must take each moment as it comes. Thank you for your review.