It's Not That Bad

Delusional state

Sitting with my thoughts this night.

Not sure of my future

which seems to not exist.

Taking my time now to check the edge.

Shiny and smooth with the sharpness

of a surgeon's scalpel.

Leaving nothing to chance tonight,

I've locked all the doors and windows tight.

Disconnected the phone, even stopped the mail.

They say a hot bath will do the trick,

feeling no pain as the blade comes down.

Skillfully across my wrist, from the outside in.

Slowly now, but deep enough

I failed before, but not this time

Success is mine, I wait no more, the time is now.

Feeling better now, very relaxed,

drifting into a very dark sleep,

as I say goodnight, but really goodbye.

Author's Note

this is just writing and I am fine

Reviews

[Scrap]

Goodbye is a horrible word. But sometimes the only way out.

[Willard Wells]

It is always a permanent solution to a temporary matter. Self-murder is not to be glorified and it is never the right solution under stress. Thank you for reading.

[dan]

Willard, I am bipolar and have utilized a blade once or twice in my past (obviously unsuccessfully), so this piece touched me directly. Your writing style is vivid though tranquil all at once, a tough feat to master. Consider me a fan now. You mentioned in your profile that you don't do read requests but I really wish you would, because I'd like to be in closer contact to your work. Thank you for your kind words in review. take care...dan

[Willard Wells]

I am not bipolar, but I sit on the edge of the spectrum with bits and pieces of a number of assorted aflictions that entertainment sometimes more than I want. But for the most part, I am good if I avoid delving too deeply into self-medication.

I work on the premise that all addicts will always be addicts or self-medication junkies that have to find the least destructive substance. For many that is nicotine. I don't smoke so I float around keeping myself as close to reality as I can.

As for RR, I begin to feel guilty with the volume I sometimes put out and there really is a limited response. Since changing how I read and respond, I am getting far more reads.

Thank you for your review of my words and thoughts. Peace out.

[JayceeC]

Lol..You have descended into the dark side of slashers and bloody baths? The imagery is best and you did a good job staying in form. I think the topic works better here than as a Tanka.
It's was actually fun to read in that I'm in the mood for horror, and a bit of blood short of way, especially with the note added, that I don't have too effort about you.
Of course that's what a lot of people say, right before they go off-line. :D

[Willard Wells]

If you have read any other responses, my line of thought comes from past involvement in crisis intervention. But you are correct. Often a cry of a wolf can be the tip of the iceberg. I just go with what pops into
my head and sometimes it is a little dark. hahaha

[JayceeC]

I generally don't read others comments when I'm reviewing a piece. I might do so after, but always feel you deserve an review not influenced by others. As a writer it gives you a better barometer of whether your intended message came across. You have done many things and have a great bank of experience to draw from. The first site I was on was built by a teen and used by many teens in crisis. Their writing on an anonymous site wss the only place they let their emotions and experiences room free. A few of the adult members and myself started to recognize the difference between a cry for help and writing this type of writing for effect. There where long email conversations with some and urging to call hotlines for others. I totally respect the people at the other end of those lines.

[David Scott]

I have read a few musings on suicide of late... It is indeed delusional musing...
I think more than a few minds will pay attention to this.

[Willard Wells]

Well, this one came after "Murder One". I have not idea why I chose now to write this. I have a very strong aversion to the glorification of "Self-Murder". Thanks for taking the time to view and comment on my work.

[TheMalady]

Haha, okay, I thought it was something important, however this is a realistic one and your words almost tricked me to believing. The images surging into my mind were kind of somber, the very picture you want to picture out in your poem. I must say this is really convincing, especially the title. :)

[Willard Wells]

Thank you. I have worked with and know many murderers in my life and sharing some of the issues in a vivid way to many is the best way to make more aware of this social issue.

I appreciate your taking time to review my work. I knew I needed the disclaimer.

[TheMalady]

Oh, that's why this one is just so real. It's not that easy to write this one, especially if you're not aware of it's true existence and nature. Great poem here. You're very welcome :)

[alifeacoustic]

I think you capture the mood superbly Willard. W e live in a world where most fear speaking honestly about such subjects, which is astounding really when you consider how many people are affected by this very subject in their lives or people they know. The detachment of the writer stating his or her intention is all the more stark for it's reality, as the title suggests most people have heard that very same phrase when in most need of understanding.
Beautifully capturing all the pain and cold logic of those who can't find a way out from behind their own personal mental hell.
Great job.

[Willard Wells]

It is a very dark place for many. Suicide is the glorification of self-murder. That's why the title. Thank you for taking time to review my work.