Equality

Senryu

            Men are all equal

Hatred turns a man's heart cold

           While love brings forth warmth  

Author's Note

Love Senryu

Reviews

[Tom McRoberts]

So let's all live with love and stave off the Winter! Lovely write-up, Willard. Clear, concise and profound.

[Willard Wells]

I have always believed in the adage of "Make love not war". Thank you kind sir for your words and reading my work.

[Terpsichore]

The cold and the warmth, in that respect, yes, we are all equal.

Cleverly done. T

[Willard Wells]

Thank you and it took a few others ideas to finally get it to what I believe is it's final write, But who knows. I appreciate you taking time to review my work.

[JayceeC]

Willard, Peeking in a Raj's comments too. How about starting as "All men" I didn't see it before the changes but the count will still be fine and using men may make it feel closer. Jan

[Willard Wells]

Let me try that. I am almost to the point of bagging it as it just does not flow right. The thought may have to be written as something other than a Senryu. Thanks for the help young lady and taking time to read.

[JayceeC]

Much better you could also use "love brings forth" for the last line...but it sounds fine as it is.

[Gee]

All mankind will find
Hatred will turn their hearts cold
Whilst love will warm them.......


Any good??

[Willard Wells]

Much better than what I had. Thanks for reading and the comments.

[Gee]

You're welcome

[Destiny Dreamer]

Yup so True, and Beautifully described! Amazing work!

[Willard Wells]

While you love it I am in the throes of what to do to make it work. You got the message, I just have to work on the delivery. Thanks,

[Destiny Dreamer]

You are Welcome! :) :) :)

[Destiny Dreamer]

Besides, it's very DEEP!

[Destiny Dreamer]

Besides, it's very DEEP!

[Perkele.7885]

I like the poem. I am not sure of the clear connection between lines 1 and 2!

[Willard Wells]

I did not like the first word, but the change for my intent would be to man or human, but then I have the count to consider. My thought of course was using men meaning all humanity. Not the best flow, but I will work on it. Thanks as always for the review and comment

[Willard Wells]

I made a change and I think it helps the logic and connection, but still not warm and fuzzy about it.

[Perkele.7885]

I think there is a connectivity there now that was absent before.

[Willard Wells]

Thanks Raj

[Perkele.7885]

maybe, i should have kept my mouth shut

[Willard Wells]

No way Raj. I have made changes with everyone's input to the point that I now and happy with the results. Thanks again. Just needed some other minds to kick mine along.

[Perkele.7885]

Willard, what you have there now is priceless!