Unseen??

Standing close as you to start your day

And not being seen I wish to stay

Trying not to be a hindrance in play

  As you move through the day stay close

And yet keep my distance at most

 Seen not as I move around to stay a ghost

As the sun shines brightly in the sky

And in my element am able to not say goodbye

 Enjoying myself while attempting to hide

The sun goes down and you go to rest

Lay my head with you which is best 

But stay unseen to all unless

You move just right and find the right light

Author's Note

Lots of good ideas and I have update this piece.

Reviews

[Nirupama.H]

i liked the poem very much . It took me to another place

[Willard Wells]

Well thank you and no I don't analyze your travels Apparently you found your way back. Thank you for the review and taking the time to read my work.

[CD Campbell]

I don't know bout this being a fluff peice. This work was all over the place with the rhymes and the lines cut short. It seemed to me rather jazzy. Beat. With the last line throwing It all off like an intentional imperfection. Remove I in the fourth line, and in the 7th, I am in the 8th. That kind of thing would make it boom,boom,boom. Maybe. Anyway I liked it. CD

[Willard Wells]

Thanks for the input, I may use your ideas as I am considering working on it more.

[Perkele.7885]

Sometimes we cannot get what we want to say, to travel to the tips of our fingers . I know as I used to have that happen a lot. Thankfully, not so much anymore. As I read your poem, I could sense you struggling. To your credit, you stuck with it and produced something and though nit your best effort, it will be perhaps something that will help you down the road.
Having said all that in seriousness, I will say this in good humor. After reading your Author's note, all I could do was involuntarily start humming, Me and my Shadow!

[Willard Wells]

Well Perk they say something about great minds and since I am not included I heart that same tune as I was doing this. Thanks Perk. I may have to take some time and wait for some darkness to come over me. Hahaha I am too in control at the moment.

[Perkele.7885]

I can see, that definite improvements have taken place. All power man Good stuff!

[JayceeC]

My shadow moves freely with me and yet is bound to my every movement. You made the point..only critical point is to avoid using the same wkrd to end consecutive lines.

[Willard Wells]

Thank you JC and as always I welcome all of your words. Work in progress. of course sometime progress is best left in the dirt and move on. As the tide turns.

[JayceeC]

True. As I've said before I don't often edit..just take suggestions on board for next time.

[Willard Wells]

I re wrote it already and now I think I am done. It does bring a little smile but not much else.

[Willard Wells]

Also your flow is always more eloquent than me. I am more of a bull in the China shop kind of writers.

[JayceeC]

Actually this is much much better ! Everything flows and the rhyme is much better! Nice Edit!

[Willard Wells]

Thank you sweet princess of the night tales.

[Marie]

I understood right away what you were saying; Tom McRoberts is right.Only a very dense reader (and I'm sure we don't have any of those) could fail to understand what you meant.

[Willard Wells]

I know you are both right, but I am having trouble letting go of it as I expressed to Tom. I did change it already for hopefully a better flow, but still just a good. My brain wants to write, but the part that fires all my neutrons does not seem to be working today. I must be to damn happy. Thank you for your time as always Marie. I value your input.

[Tom McRoberts]

This is great Willard. You don't really need the 'SHADOW' at the end, plenty of clues given throughout the poem that allow the reader to reach the conclusion.

[Willard Wells]

You have a point, but you are a thinker. I am concerned for the rest. I did just redo it, but the Shadow is still there. Thank you for giving some of your time today.