Rose In The Garden (Senryu)

Senryu/Haiku Blend

Roses In Garden 
          With Early Morning Dew Drops
Now breakfast Table 

Reviews

[Perkele.7885]

try 5 7 5 My Friend that is what I use for a format

[Willard Wells]

OK Perk, thanks. I think it will be on another one. These one if I change much more it will be a new one anyway. I just went for 17 and in my mind I was good to go. But my mind and you know what they say about the devils playground.

[Perkele.7885]

that is a 656 I do not know what syllable combinations are acceptable Willard!

[Willard Wells]

Thank you Perk. I continue to circle. Slowly I Turn, Step By Step. Appreciate the words

[Tom McRoberts]

I really like this one, Willard. A simple addition to the table to give the day a beautiful start. The formatting choice you made with the second line is also a lovely touch.

[Willard Wells]

Thank you Tom. I have been circling and attacking this all day between other pieces and I think I have it together, but to be honest more luck than understanding. Thank you for your kind words and taking time to read my work.

[AaronFreitas]

Awesome write... beautiful picture you provided with beautiful wet roses at the table during breakfast. Great work!

[Jen]

Roses at the breakfast table...lovely! It could also be a haiku. I enjoyed this alot.

[Willard Wells]

I was told the difference between haiku and senryu and with the changes I made I hope I had moved it from both to Senryu. I may have done the reverse. Either way fun and thanks fro reading and the review.

[Jen]

A haiku will reference nature, like what you have done here, however because you have it dealing with some human event as well, you mixed it... to which I think is even more wonderful!

[JayceeC]

This could actually be haiku or senryu because it has both the nature and the human condition front and center. I think the last line change love to smiles. You do not want to use the same word twice if you can help it in a senryu or haiku. There are not enough syllables and words to withstand the repetition. This is not bad for a first try! Stick with it and do a few more.

[Willard Wells]

Thanks JC. I am so far out of my ele.ment here, but I will always try. I knew of the nature vs. human, but my brain had not sorted it all out. I will re work and thanks for reading

[JayceeC]

So tell me why Dew came fist in that line. BTW this is now a solid Haiku! I really like it though.
Roses Blooming in garden 7
Early Morning Dew 5
Now graces breakfast table 7

Your 6-5-6 is also acceptable as Western or English Haiku. Just a thought.