Road Kill & Moonshine Still-Write of Redneck Humor

A write of humor about the infamous Redneck road kills and a country bumpkin who has a moonshine still!

 

Author's Note

Road Kill & Moonshine Still

I was on my way to get "sqeezins" from my moonshine still,
When I came 'cross some mighty fine fresh flattened road kill.
Stopped in my tracks to scoop up some of the critter in my bag,
Thinking a humongous pot of stew would sure please my Hag!
Those "squeezins" could just wait fer a while!

When I got back home, sure was a mighty fuss and moan,
'Cause my hound dog "Blue" had eaten all the corn pone!
So I said to Millie Sue, my favorite Hag, Honey, don't you cry.
Lookey here in my poke at this critter and wipe your eyes dry.
Ain't it just what you need to make you smile?”

She flashed me the biggest ole' toothless happy grin and smile.
Why she had my heart a doin' flip flops fer a purdy country mile.
I danced a happy banjo playin’ jig in my mountain overall bibs,
And, then she whispered to me, "Now Paw, don't tell me no fibs!”
Both foot started a tappin' to an Irish fiddle beat!

Then, I sang to her, "Now Millie Bo Peep, just don't you worry,
'Cause I'm gonna fix some vittles with this treasure in a hurry.
Fetch me that big iron skillet, and I'll need an ole' iron lid too,
And, I'll whip up a batch of my Possum Holler road kill stew"!
That mash in my squeezins' kept creating heat!

Millie Bo Peep was mighty hungry, fretted some, it wasn’t funny
‘Cause we ain't had much grub since we was plum outta money.
I grabbed her and gave her a big hug in my hairy arms rite tight,
And, said Glory Bell, "You just wait until the moon shines tonight"!
Then it hit me that my still was ready to blow!

Well, I had to do first things first, so I fried that critter 'til done,
Then me and my purdy Hag headed off to have some Redneck fun.
We whooped and hollered, and howled at our Appalachian moon,
As we clogged and flatfooted to a knee slappin’ Moonshine tune!
This moonshiner's squeezins' had oats to sow!

Sheila Bowyer Kline
A Redneck gal in the hills of West Virginia

Reviews

[Jon Gary Frost]

1. I have sipped on some powerful squeezins, in my past.
2. I personally love corn-pone. Throw some cracklins in if you got some.
3. I am a native Tennessean. I believe we are one of only a few states where any road kill is protected, by law, for human consumption. Not proud of this, but it's true.

Not gonna try to review this. Just like moonshine, this piece is not for savoring. It's just for having a good time with. Yee-haaw.

[crazy iowa girl]

Hey, I shared this on facebook. I have a few southern friends. Great poem. I'm thinking it could be a song.

[Rowanna]

Thank you for entering my competition Sheila. Once I have read all the entries, I will inform you of whether you got through or not. Also, I apologise for not reading the entries earlier, there have been other things on my mind.

[Flo_writer]

I don't know much about the redneck lingo, but it seems authentic enough to me. This was creative, and you even keep up the last word rhymes at the end of each and every line. You show dedication and told me a story to make me smile along the way. Cheers to the Moonshine and roadkill.

[Stacey Watts]

Ok I am laughing so hard with tears. My daddy was born and raised in Arkansas. I hate to say it but daddy used to talk about moonshine and those sorts of things. I bow dpwn. You can even make this sound romantic and sweet. lol Just what I needed. This was awesome.

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Sheila,

Whimsical, light-hearted, endearing country fun. My, this is a nice one. It just says "forget what you're doing. Throw that magazine and book over your shoulder. Sit down have some possum stew and some moonshine, and then we're goin dancin!" Great fun, Sheila. Greatly enjoyed. You should be proud of this one. It's a keeper.

Very best regards,

Rick

[angelinmypocket]

Sheila, this is really funny. You write as if a redneck life is all too familiar to you. I've never tried "roadkill" but I tasted moonshine once or twice. LOL. You really should consider publishing a book. You'd be rich in no time. Yes...your poetry is that good.

[Lizanne]

Hilarious! Have you ever flat-footed? Did I hear a Redneck Girl yell. Hell Yeah!!! Deep in the hollers over on Snot Hill across from Booger Holler near Cinder Bottom, just outside Eureka Hollow near Shabby Run across the road from Ritter Holler 50 miles from Hoo-Hoo Hollow and don't fall into Bottom Creek. Now where was that still. White lightning, moonshine: Get you some corn, sugar, barley, wheat.....wait a minute you almost made me give away the family recipe. As long as it is still warm to the touch, grab you some roadkill. Those hollows are awfully pretty at night and the sounds of nature a true delight! You did fabulous on this. Wait a minute, where did you get that mansion? A 1/2 of a single wide is great. But you even have the mother-in-law house. She don't have to sleep in the same room with you and yours!

[Mark]

It's always best when you find you one hit by a semi: guts already squoze out, and bone and gristle pre-tenderized! Even better yet when the crows have already pre-plucked it for you! And I druther armadillo to possum, anyways, they carry their own oven right around with'em, just chunk the whole mess right in the fire! Y-U-U-U-M-M!

[Visionary]

I loved it. The humor is great. This sounds like some of my relatives...Shhhh!