Bullshit Fuzzy Logic

Fundamentals of Fuzzy Logic and instant karma in formal academic terms.

Bullshit Fuzzy Logic

Physical Comedy!

John Wheeler Was A Physicist,

Who once cried out in anguish!
Lamenting the lowbrow state,

Of Theoretical Physics today,

“A Black Hole, Has No Hair!”

“Gravity……. Without Mass!”

“Time Is... Whatever Prevents,”

“Everything from happening at once!”

Space merely exists to occupy our time!

Forty-two’s as Good as any Explanation!

Bender Went on a Bender Around the Bend!

Schrodinger's Cat is coughing live hair balls!

Running in circles, saves our desperate times!

Exploding Red Dwarfs, Add Too Much Curry!

Singularities swallow Rindler's lost Horizons!

Globular, Blobular, Anisotropic Quasicrystals!

Circular square pie-in-the-face spherical cubes!

Line dancing invisible pixies with bad attitude!

Faster than his pistol Elvis has left the building.

Cosmic rays can do more than scratch that itch!

Goldilocks told Occam, he needed a new razor!

Razors can prevent any pyramids from rusting!

Use A Small Enough Euler, and Pie Are Square!

Modeling reality requires Imaginary Numbers!

Crap rolls uphill and downhill simultaneously!

Moonwalking Nonlinear Spatio-Temporal Shenanigans!

They’re Everywhere, They’re Everywhere Run Away!

There Is No Law Except The Law, There Is No Law!

Hollywood writers could never make this s**t up!

Reality Without Dreams, Is Another Nightmare!

Dreams bereft all reality, are everyone’s fantasy!

Infinite Fantasies In Nightmarish Combinations!

Infinite nightmare fantasies mistaken for reality!

Infinite realities merge with nightmare fantasies!

Nightmares bereft all sanity, are still nightmares!

Designer Fantasies in Infinite Colors and Flavors!

Nothing from nothing turns out to be something!

Something from nothing, yet remains something!

Something from nothing remains something else!

None can grasp, what’s missing from this picture!

Without A Multidimensional Multifractal Mirror!

Everywhere you go in a singularity, there you are,

Complete with rhinestones and baby Velvet Jesus!

Smooth Crappy Butts Everybody Loves To Touch!

None can see how fat their own a*s is like another!

Velvet Elvis Comes With a Laugh Box And Pistols!

The Time Has Come The Walrus Said, To Speak Of Many Things!

Of sailing ships and sealing wax, and kittens with balls of string!

Falling on your a*s gracefully, is now quantifiable!

Intuitive mathematics, requiring physical comedy!

Our Poetry Pets make the Cheshire Cat look tame!

Loopy temporal vortexes, all chase their own tails!

Howling at the moon, like a complete Loonytoons!

Still eternally conjecturing, Monstrous Moonshine!

Mock Mock Mockery, Mocking Mach’s Conjecture!

There Remains More In Heaven and Earth, Horatio!

Than In All of Our Meaningless Bullshit Combined!

Waxing poetically, using Shakespearean metaphors!

Ugly Ducklings remain eternally astounded to learn!

They have always been the hero of their own dreams!

Whilst falling on your a*s gracefully counts for extra points!

Prompting his long time colleague, Richard Feynman!

To immediately assure, the entire physics community!

“Some say Wheeler has lost his mind in his later years,”

“*But,*He’s**ALWAYS**Been*That*Way!*”

Wheeler, would eventually go on to petition The AAAS,

Despite his personal belief in the collective unconscious,

To remove all research into ESP, from their membership!

For never meeting their own standards, for a real science.

Loudly protesting there was never any proof he was sane!

In over a century, none has ever documented the existence,

Of Common Sense anywhere in the known Civilized World!

Its a Mad Hatter’s Tea Party Falling Down Any Rabbit Hole!

Confirming That The Insane Have ALWAYS Run The Asylum!

(Monty Python, Louis Carroll, Shakespeare)

When I was eight years old, I wondered why cavemen couldn’t invent the atom bomb, and destroy the world a million years ago, which most consider a somewhat curious question, but is related to the Anthropic Principle. Specifically, I was wondering why our planet is physically capable of supporting the evolution of such a highly intelligent, yet, unbelievably violent, wantonly destructive and, altogether too frequently, disturbingly irrational species. If earth is nature’s playpen for human evolution, the idea that we survived by dumb luck alone seemed highly implausible to me and, assuming there is no obvious divine intervention, then why do the laws of physics appear to be so conveniently predisposed, as to preclude humanity from wiping themselves out in short order?

Many believe intelligence confers a survival advantage, but rats and insects are among the oldest surviving species, while viruses are practically immortal, suggesting intelligence comes at a steep price. With great power comes great responsibility nevertheless, rather than acting responsibly, peasants with advanced degrees are now storming the palace with knives and pitch forks, demanding lower taxes for millionaires, while dictators like Vladimir Putin and Kim Jung Un threaten nuclear war, as Fukushima continues to pour the most horrifying radioactive waste known to man into the pacific, for over a decade, and nobody has any money set aside to deal with the disaster, or plans, other than to install an underwater pipe to funnel the crap further out to sea. A deadly pandemic is sweeping the planet, while zoos everywhere rush to collect specimens, in the largest mass extinction event in the history of the planet, and with the entire world ecology now on the verge of collapsing, the obvious question is, “How the hell did we manage to survive this long?”

Why has it proven so difficult, right up into modern times, for complete idiots to destroy the whole planet, drive the entire species to extinction, or to trap us all in an endless dark age, inspired by our own mindless greed, violence, and sheer stupidity? Down through the ages, myriad cultures have speculated upon when God, or humanity, might wipe out the entire species, while I've always wondered why they haven't done so already, why our own brazen insanity hasn’t already been the death of the entire species, and why the universe continues to support such widespread lowbrow slapstick, of even the Machiavellian and Hatfield’s and McCoy varieties, that put the Three Stooges to shame. Exactly why do the laws of physics require enormous populations, vast industries, and advanced technology to produce weapons of mass destruction and, under the circumstances, how has the continuing rapid advancement of our incredibly powerful technology, managed to remain so conducive to the rise of modern civilization?

For well over a century, our science and technology have steadily become so complex, and integral to our very survival, that it truly boggles the imagination, yet humanity remains shockingly self-defeating, appallingly destructive, unbelievably irrational, and unconscionably savage to this day. If the world were a Saturday morning cartoon, I'd throw the TV out the window! Begging the question as to how our own collective reach, has not already far exceeded our, all too obviously, meager hold on reality as a species. And how have we managed, thus far, to avoid becoming extinct, ruining the entire world ecology, or perverting our own humanity beyond all possible hope of recognition? Forget about teenage existentialist angst, as a small child it occurred to me, that nature was entirely too forgiving of humanity’s worst mindless excesses and, by any reasonable standard, we should already be extinct.

Cavemen blowing up the entire world, with atom bombs they quickly cobble together out of clay and rocks, before the radiation kills them, or becoming trapped in an endless dark age by their own mad inventions, are the kind of nightmare “Planet of the Apes” scenarios, I might expect to arise in any number of arbitrary universes, with somewhat different laws of physics from our own. Physicists have asked similar questions, such as why the laws of physics appear to be so perfect for the evolution of intelligent life, and why even our planetary orbit, orbit within the galaxy, and the earth’s moon, ecology, and composition, all appear to be so unreasonably ideal for our evolution. Had the earth been significantly smaller or any number of parameters been any different, I reasoned as a small child, humanity would have been unlikely to have survived long enough, to establish anything remotely like modern civilization. Knowing almost nothing whatsoever about physics or philosophy at the time, the only plausible explanation I could think of was that, "infinite echoes in infinity" could normalize one another, canceling out any extremes, knocking off the worst bumps, and providing a sort of built-in regulator, or governor for reality as we know it, that keeps everything going, no matter how elaborate any particular slapstick might become.

Decades later I discovered that, to varying degrees, half the planet shares my view and these "echoes in infinity" are what hippies refer to as "Instant Karma", which is synonymous with Yin and Yang and the Two Faces of Janus. Karma is the idea that whatever we put out into the universe can either enrich our lives or come back to haunt us. John Lennon invented the term, and he literally meant right this instant, with a trivial example being kicking something in frustration and stubbing your toe. Nonetheless, for countless hippies today, contracting lung cancer after a lifetime of smoking is yet another example of instant karma, because all those little instants can also add up, and they merely use the term to distinguish it from traditional beliefs in reincarnation, where you might pay for your sins in the next life. However you interpret it, instant karma is about this life, and untold millions, if not billions, around the globe have frequently dismissed karma as just so much superstitious nonsense, or among the oldest known attempts to use meaningless bullshit to mess with people's heads. Yet, for over half a century, many of us have wondered why it has taken so long for modern science to establish instant karma as a law of nature, all too keenly aware, that the most interesting things grow out of manure…

Bumbling upon the accidental discovery of quantum mechanics, whilst searching for a mathematical shortcut, the conservative German physicist, Max Planck, promptly begged his colleagues to please explain the joke; complaining that a sense of humor was never on his list of essential job requirements. In his later years, even a few of Planck's more stern peers conceded that, perhaps wisely, he had somehow managed to acquire a quite agreeable sense of humor, however, he remained among the minority in the greater physics community at large where, for decades after his initial discovery, a popular topic at cocktail parties, was how to design experiments to discourage practical jokers. Alas, fickle lady luck stubbornly declined to smile upon them and, as the intervening years stretched out into decades, without the slightest progress being made towards resolving the issue, all too predictably, the subject eventually became so sensitive within the hallowed halls that, when a student innocently mused aloud about it one day, Niels Bohr famously lost his temper and shouted, “Shut Up And Calculate!” Bohr was thoroughly sick and tired of listening to wild speculation, and complete nonsense, concerning his chosen profession, and proceeded to lobby congress and the entire physics community, to help him put a stop to all of the nonsense going around.

According to Bohr his "Boring Physics", of making it an official policy of strongly discouraging professionals from discussing their own work, was necessary in order to ensure continuing progress in the physical sciences. Assuming there exists any sort of sane explanation for quantum mechanics, the scientists need only continue with their normal daily routine, that is, quietly gathering all the raw data that they can, without having to ask a lot of silly questions about what they're doing, until someone eventually stumbles across a workable explanation, for the whole continuing unfolding disaster! Much to the dismay of physicists everywhere, other than making no sense whatsoever, quantum mechanics had turned out to be the dream of the Alchemists, useful for describing every conceivable way in which to manipulate matter and energy.

Nevertheless, Bohr remained adamant that, like a hundred monkeys banging away on typewriters, the researchers need only continue to quietly collect all the data they can, of course, in their usual fastidious Three Stooges fashion, on the assumption that a solution will eventually present itself, and they can avoid complete catastrophe, with all of the insane off-the-wall speculation going around. If nothing else, computers and other technology should improve over the coming decades, and render a solution for them, assuming the scientists failed to find one on their own. Most took Bohr seriously and, whether by coincidence or not, progress in high energy theoretical physics slowed to a crawl for nearly half a century as, simultaneously, the average number of authors on significant papers, skyrocketed to well over a hundred and twenty!

While Bohr was busy clamoring for everybody to shut up already, meanwhile, desperate Japanese bullet train engineers had invented the foundations for modern fuzzy logic, fully aware that their new invention contradicted classic logic and mathematics. Japan was still struggling to recover from WWII, with their new bullet trains being so overcrowded that, to this day, they hire people to stand on the loading docks during rush hour, wearing cotton gloves, and to respectfully shove the last passengers in far enough that the doors can close. Reduced to carefully packing them in by hand, like so many sardines in a can, this was decades before the use of deodorants became commonplace and, with little hope of ever improving the ventilation, the engineers were under intense pressure from all sides to relieve the situation!

Overnight, the engineers had become desperate enough to try anything that anybody could possibly come up with, including what sounded like total nonsense to even themselves. The same bullshit fuzzy logic that is now in every high speed elevator, was first introduced on overcrowded bullet trains, in order to prevent crushing their passengers under their own collective weight, whenever rapidly accelerating and decelerating, at 190mph! Already overwhelmed by all of the nonsense coming out of quantum mechanics, and contextual philosophers such as Ludwig Wittgenstein, for decades academia stubbornly refused to acknowledge the success of the Japanese engineers, and no real progress was made with fuzzy logic, until its use began to spread to Chinese industries, making it all-but-impossible for academics to ignore any longer.

Due to the complete lack of effective contraceptives, worldwide, the population had exploded! Right along with the technology to support enormous populations, and academia was expanding so rapidly they could hardly keep up. In a little over a century, the US became the first country to go from five percent of the population being literate, to over thirty percent having at least a four year degree as, simultaneously, their population shot through the roof! Its a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, and scientists and others had figured out how to feed and immunize more babies than at any point in history, with the end result that, of all the people to ever live in civilization over the last ten thousand years, half are alive today and, now, rapidly destroying the entire planet!

Modern medicine has saved countless lives, by merely encouraging kids to wash their hands more often, only to have their very existence become a threat to all life on earth! And, in the rush to cash in on all the newly emerging technology, in a world with an estimated 350 million slaves, where 1% of the population owns 99% of everything, including enough atomic weapons alone to kill every living thing on the planet at least ten times over, forget about comedy, even wisdom philosophy has not been popular in the hallowed halls for over a century! While, in the interim, the ongoing lowbrow slapstick surrounding fuzzy logic and quantum mechanics, has only grown more grimly determined, contentious, divisive, elaborate, and downright mindbogglingly stupefying!

Theoretical physicists, and philosophers alike, have become dependent on theories that they either can’t explain or don’t believe in and, more often than not, don’t care to discuss with anyone other than Dr Strangelove, while experimental physicists encountered the reverse, increasingly requiring machines of Byzantine size and dizzying complexity, searching for light at the end of enormous circular tunnels, and fumbling about in the deepest darkest underground caverns, where even mushrooms won’t grow, only to have the results contradict all of their theories. Except, of course, for the most unbelievably vague theory of them all, “Quantum Field Theory”, with everybody asking themselves if the Elysian Fields of Dreams are composed of Einstein’s more flexible "rubber sheets", and what kind of lubricants might be involved. Adding insult to injury, the number of utterly ludicrous theories being proposed, which nonetheless appeared to fit all the facts, steadily grew into a mountain overnight! Echoing Niels Bohr and Ernst Rutherford before him, Sir Steven Hawking defiantly declared that philosophy is dead, and he intended to know the mind of God, then proceeded to stalwartly don the traditional jester’s cap with his usual inane grin, as someone hit him with a pie-in-the-face.

Newton was notoriously sensitive about the slightest criticism of his work and, those of us who enjoy following the progress of modern physics, and who believe in karma, naturally we assumed it was merely academia’s traditionally stunted sense of humor, and the usual willful stubbornness, which were preventing the physics community from making faster progress and, at long last, declaring instant karma a law of nature. Although karma is an exotic idea to the Western mainstream, some of my friends are trained physicists, chemists, and other professionals, who just happen to believe in karma, but none of us had the slightest clue as to just how dire the situation had already become until, upon my routinely gathering and collating half the data for this book, I was shocked by the sheer number of pie-in-the-face results, researchers are currently encountering in their work. Throughout the following chapters, I recount some of the more striking examples however, upon closer examination of all the evidence, I realized all of these pies are multiplying wildly out of control! Beginning within the foundations of the physical and cognitive sciences, these pies are now threatening to produce an avalanche of incredibly mind-numbing lowbrow slapstick, that will soon ensure neither Sesame Street, Vaudeville, nor the rest of the world will ever be the same again!

Insidiously, these pie-in-the-face results continue to spread unabated, like so many weeds preparing to go to seed! Clandestinely worming their way into all the other branches of the sciences, with no attempt that I know of being made to categorize them, in spite of the first quantifiable theory of humor having already established, that anything low in entropy, or low in content, can be considered humorous. (Duh!) Mel Brooks is dead, or he might have some constructive input but, other than Circus Clown Colleges, no university legal department or faculty, that I know of, has ever willingly admitted to hiring comedians as consultants, much less, confessed to documenting their own lowbrow slapstick in elaborate detail. Nevertheless, from what I can ascertain, these odious pie-in-the-face results have been growing in frequency, at least since Planck’s original discovery, and the situation is beginning to grow desperate if you ask me! It required six years of my sorting through a small mountain of evidence, going cross-eyed the entire time, for me to even begin to accept in the slightest, what it was that I was confronted with but, what really gave me pause, and made me question my sanity for many more years to come, and whether there is any damn justice left in this world, was the slowly dawning realization that the brightest minds on the planet, are consistently failing to get the punch lines to jokes, that a three year old can grasp.

Like a reject pilot episode for the “Twilight Zone Comedy Hour”, the scientists are performing downright infantile slapstick, that even Vaudeville and the Muppets can’t compete with, and “News of the Weird” can’t keep up with. After three centuries of concerted worldwide efforts, at long last, the modern sciences finally appear poised to finish assembling, “The Big Picture of Life, the Universe, and Everything”, and are quite unintentionally exposing their own worst lowbrow slapstick in the process. Lending entirely new meaning to being studiously anal retentive, whenever contemplating your navel. Will Rogers famously complained to his manager that his audiences would only laugh at his stupid jokes, if they contained the truth and, apparently, the scientists are predictably failing to get the simplest jokes in their own experiments, which all imply the truth is a joke...

The truth hurts for a reason, and the louder the researchers demand that everything must make sense, the less sense modern science makes to outside observers. You can run, but you cannot hide from your own damn truth, and the scientists are unwittingly expressing the Two Faces of Janus, Yin and Yang, or the intrinsic humor and beauty of nature, reflected in the limited awareness of the researchers themselves. To some extent, we can all appreciate the humor and beauty in life, but some of us can appreciate both better than others, while scientists focus on the beauty of their mathematics and logic, stunting their sense of humor, and making them more gullible. All too often, I think of “Mother Nature” as “Little Big Mama”, or “mama” for short, because she expresses all the sophistication and aesthetic appreciation of a small child playing with dolls, which can be maddening to say the least! Being ultimately contradictory like any three year old, some girls just wanna have fun and, some, like mama nature, never do grow up! With the entire universe for a toy box, the best toys are still in the attic, and Little Big Mama must present these researchers with endless opportunities, to bang their heads up against the wall, by failing to get the punch lines to her jokes, however, she must also afford them every possible opportunity to get the punch lines as well.

One of my favorite examples is when, after decades of repeated failures, physicists finally managed to simulate a phase transition, from quantum mechanical to classical, only to be baffled by the results. Contrary to all of their theories and calculations, so assiduously crafted by highly respected professionals worldwide, their experiment indicated that the Big Bang was neither too hot nor too cold, but just right for the scientists to take all the measurements they wanted. Soberly, one of the researchers confessed that it could be years or longer, before anyone can figure out how a Goldilocks Universe works, as if he had never heard the story in his life. Assuming 42 really is as good as it gets, the more thoroughly the researchers eliminate any alternative explanations, the more unintentional lowbrow slapstick they must perform, whether they want to or not, as their compelling mysteries progressively transform into humble slapstick, thus, expressing the Two Faces of Janus, and providing an explanation for the Quantum Observer Effect and how humor works in general.

With his defining s**t-eating grin, the physicist Richard Feynman famously declared, “Science is the belief in the ignorance of the experts!” Confiding that, in his professional opinion, “If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don’t understand quantum mechanics!” Dismissing any need for concern, Feynman went on to reassure the public, “We are attempting to prove ourselves wrong as quickly as possible, for only in that way can we find progress.” Nevertheless, with ongoing experiments, it has started to become all too abundantly clear, that the best way to comprehend quantum mechanics, is to begin with scrupulously examining the ignorance of the experts!

Of all the mysteries in physics, the Quantum Observer Effect, describing the collapse of the wave-function as somehow being influenced by observers, has not only defied every attempt at explanation, but has likewise been dismissed at every good opportunity, allowed to languish, and repeatedly swept under the rug harder than most, just as academics were obviously hoping fuzzy logic would eventually wither away, and disappear on its own. Now the idiots are classifying jokes older than monuments, and attempting to use AI to censor the worldwide web, to ensure nobody ever laughs at them, and they don't kill their own students too fast with all the bullshit they spout. Meanwhile, some physicists have begun to question the value of working on enormous projects like the Large Hadron Collider and, as the technology has steadily come down in price, are now beginning to wonder what might be a more fruitful way to approach the subject. This book explores a variety of ways to establish instant karma as a law of nature, on a budget, doing a complete end run around academia, and the governments and corporations they represent, which have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo, right up until the world ecology collapses!

Don’t be fooled by physicists, suggesting that the Quantum Observer Effect doesn’t actually require an observer, because their own mathematics and experiments have implied otherwise since the HUP was originally formulated, and the last half century of work they’ve done is now being challenged and overturned in every way imaginable, as the emerging truth can no longer be so casually dismissed, by supposedly "objective" scientists, who commonly contradict themselves, seldom hesitate to censor themselves, are establishing their own “pay-per-view” science, and still struggle with the dictionary, even making up their own childish nonsense words, as a century of furious protests from every quarter, suddenly falls to dead silence, and mumbled objections. Goldilocks has become a new buzz word in the pantheon of physics jargon, and one String theorist has already thrown his hands in the air, in symbolic surrender, and switched to a different field altogether, when his own mathematics suggested a larger than astronomical number of, oh so much more beautiful, String Theories can describe everything even more elegantly. His personal experience was merely the beginning, and I cover the mathematical and physical comedy rather thoroughly in other chapters, and humor in general could be about to hit an all-time Rock Bottom in the hard sciences but, not to worry, this entire book can be used as a template, for studying the ignorance of the experts, and what they tend to avoid at all costs.

They’ve stolen my work, shoved crap down my throat for my entire childhood, called me an ignorant loser, and insisted we need to protect the freedom of speech of their students, who can't even use a dictionary, still claim the sun revolves around the earth, often fail to even reproduce, and are currently storming the palace with knives and pitch forks, looking for cheap thrills, or hoping to become the next reality TV star. The idiots persist in urging their "informed" students to perform their patriotic duty, and keep voting in rigged elections for whichever clown advertises the most, have ensured the rich get richer and the poor get poorer by encouraging everyone to argue over the definition of stupid, then invented their own f*****g nonsense word "meme"! They've booted me off practically every academic website imaginable, for merely repeating their own uncomfortable facts and nonsense words, while complaining the entire time about pay-walls, the whole world falling apart, and that nobody ever listens to them, not even the morons they teach and the bums they vote out of office.

As far as countless academics are concerned, mob rule begins with anyone daring to use a dictionary, and question the endless crap they spout, or anyone who flat out calls them liars and posers while, for many of us, you could easily kill half of academia, by merely throwing large sums of cash off the tops of tall buildings, and watching their informed students trample them to death, as their financial advisers urge them on. Instead of examining their own lowbrow slapstick, academics tend to prefer consulting the marketing department, on the assumption its obvious that the rest of the world is insane, and your public image is all that matters, just ask the marketing department at Trump University. With any luck, some will apply for research grants to study contextual vagueness, and write papers criticizing my book, then put them behind pay-walls, while others apply for grants to experiment with bots, and find out just how gullible they’ve all become. A strong majority of Americans distrust academia so, of course, academics are now lobbying congress to censor the entire worldwide web, in order to protect the same babbling idiots they teach from themselves, and to ensure they’re only taught whatever their teachers consider to be the truth, film at 11:00pm, on Fox News.

For people who claim to have such high standards, academics seem to have no compunction whatsoever, about brazenly contradicting themselves whenever expedient, are infamous for their spectacular failures, and their relationship with the public can be described as “dysfunctional” according to their own standards, and getting worse by the year, with small children now starting to be warehoused like cattle, while their parents work sixty hour a week jobs, making their teachers proud, with one in five now taking prosaic alone. The problem has become so extensive in recent years, that it has become important to document their ongoing insanity in the public domain, to see if they can eventually grasp the concept that, in their infinite wisdom, they are killing their own students, while arguing over the definition of stupid. They claim to have the public interest at heart, and many are obviously sincere, yet they often could not teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary if their lives depended on it, have the lowest reproductive rates of any profession, have the least satisfying sex lives, are infamous for their sexism and extremely high burnout rates, and their own population has been imploding faster than any other on the planet, ever since the invention of modern birth control! Shakespeare suggested throwing all the lawyers in the sea, but that would only kill the planet faster!

Once an academic accused me of being unfair, that a quarter of the population still believing the sun revolves around the earth is a political issue and, I replied, that if teaching a child how to use a damned dictionary, share their words, and play nice, have now become political issues, then our glorious leader’s 4,000 blatant lies in office, is an example for all of academia to follow. Believe it or not, I don't waste all my time running around blaming academics for all the world's problems, and don't consider academics to be anymore dysfunctional than most but, that's not saying much these days, and somebody on the damned planet, other than the f*****g lawyers, has to be able to use a damn dictionary, and somebody, somewhere, has to be willing to use that stupid dictionary, to call complete bullshit, bullshit, or academics might as well collectively shove their heads up their own a*s! Not that I blame academics for having lived such sheltered lives, for being so woefully ignorant, so willing and eager to adopt blinders, and so reluctant to acknowledge even the most patently obvious self-evident truths, but I certainly don’t have to respect their monumental stupidity and traditional Three Stooges slapstick, contributing to the ongoing destruction of the entire planet!

My father was a captain in the USN, and he raised me to believe that, "Three Stooges comedy routines, just don’t cut it when the whole world is falling apart at the seams!" Dad might say, "These Days, Its All Hands On Deck!" So, in order to get a better idea of just how bad our current situation is, I surveyed people informally for over a decade, only to discover that over half of them admit to making up their own definitions for words, never suspecting or caring in the slightest, even when informed, that the dictionary merely contains popular definitions. To nobody's surprise, almost everybody online is either spouting endless bullshit, arguing over the stupid dictionary, or flat out lying and, in over a decade, almost nobody I asked even knew or cared that the dictionary merely contains popular definitions, while many angrily accused me of lying about the dictionary, and most complained that I was wasting their time with my two simple questions, which they had all agreed to answer. Quite a few of them actually sought me out, having heard that I was asking two simple questions that nobody could answer, only to accuse me of lying about the stupid dictionary. Sharing their words and playing nice are obviously not cultural institutions, supported by the mass media and Wall Street lawyers, all taught by academics, while the idea that anybody else gives a crap is laughable.

Not a single website I looked at concerning the rules of Formal Debate, Group Facilitation, Logical Fallacies, The Laws of Thought, Philosophy, Psychology, Linguistics, Logistics, Religion, Spirituality, Taoism, or Contextualism, had anything to say about using a damned dictionary, much less, sharing your words and playing nice, only that they reserve the right to boot anyone off their website, that doesn’t adopt their rhetoric. Academics have known for over forty years that a quarter of their students still claim the sun revolves around the earth and, in decades online, only once did I come across a small academic website that actually demanded people use a dictionary and, of course, they had to constantly remind the idiots to use the stupid dictionary. The science of sharing your words and playing nice, obviously conflicts with the science of producing weapons of mass destruction, while there appears to be no market for the truth on Wall Street. So, I thought I’d support academic efforts to "Help Save The Planet!" And explain, to anyone interested, how to systematically defeat any time honored institutionalized "Good Old Boy Three Stooges Slapstick", with exacting scientific rigor, leveraging the ignorance of the experts against themselves, and how to cheaply automate the process in a few million ways and, possibly, make a fortune.

Bullshit is Bullshit, and Your Bullshit Revolution Will Not Be Televised! This Revolution Is All Live Bullshit Baby! None of that dead bullshit out of a can, instant karma's as fresh as it gets! Lending entirely new meaning to “See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil”, and the better you comprehend instant karma, the better you become at predicting any pies-in-the-face, while my tradition of Oneness Poetry is wildly popular around the globe. You cannot attack what you cannot comprehend, but try explaining that to a chicken pecking away at its own reflection! Chickens are so easy to model it can be done using just the 120 transistor accelerators, going onto every processor manufactured, while Oneness Poetry written within the public domain, provides the required analog logic, to make such programs incredibly lightweight, flexible, subtle, and efficient.

Living well is the best revenge and, believe it or not, theoretically its all the same analog logic, that can also be used to design a Woody Allen style “Orgasmitron”, you can sell to every jerk you love to hate, and earn their gratitude, respect, and cold hard cash, for helping them die younger and reproduce less often. The idiots insist on lying to themselves, and will even walk off cliffs while playing with their cellphones, so I tell Babylonians, "Some people should never drink or do drugs". As you might imagine, having a severely stunted sense of humor has its drawbacks in our materialistic world, and the chickens have become so insane in recent years, that the easiest way to destroy the republican party today, is to sell conservatives cheap porn, liquor, and handguns. Of course, conservatives will deny it, then ration their booze and Fox News, and watch more televangelism, but the conservative white population will become a minority within two decades, and appear hellbent on committing "Voluntary Genocide", while running in circles screaming, "The Sky Is Falling!" What neither conservatives, liberals, nor academics seem to be aware of, much less terribly concerned about, is that two computer systems have already been constructed which tell better than average jokes, according to all the people who’ve listened to them and, soon, they’ll be predicting jokes, nobody else sees coming...

Both sex and jokes can tickle your fancy, but its impossible to tickle your own fancy, while primitives can tell jokes that would make a porn star blush, and walk the other way. They frequently joke that civilized people tend to act like the smallest of children, with the simplest jokes going right over their heads, and flashing mischievous grins and guilty looks, even when they are good people who would never do anything wrong! Civilization infantilizes people by organizing more along the lines of an angry flock of chickens, stunting their sense of humor, very much like in the story of "The Emperor's New Clothes", and discouraging them from paying attention to the self-evident truth in specific ways, including rejecting their own dictionary, and the second grammar of the English language. If anything, the self-evident truth remains a taboo subject, and anathema amongst all the lawyers and academics, so I provide a complete tutorial on, "How to recognize the self-evident truth, For Over-Educated Dummies!" (Duh!)

In fact, I’ve been kicked off many websites on the pretext that I’m spreading hate and intolerance, by my insisting that Three Stooges slapstick is irrational, and the simple solution is to call bullshit, bullshit, and learn how to share our words and play nice, or encourage idiots everywhere to kill themselves faster, by supplying them with all of the bullshit they keep demanding, before they manage to destroy the entire planet! In other words, I've been booted off countless websites for insisting the customer is always right, the self-evident truth speaks louder than anyone's money, words, or even the mindless mob, and the dictionary is not the work of the devil, but there's no accounting for taste. Social media websites spread so much love and understanding today, that some are carefully establishing their own "Risk Assessment", for how much money they can make off someone, against the risk that they might start WWIII socializing on their website, or kill millions by spreading misinformation and fake news. Its been estimated that anywhere from a quarter to three quarters of all Twitter accounts are bots, helping people everywhere to socialize in style, spreading all the misinformation and fake news their little hearts desire. Of course, There's A Sucker Born Every Minute and, normally, they don't think twice about booting anyone off their websites but, if you happen to be rich and famous its a different story, with many websites only deciding to ban the former president of the US, when he incited a riot that killed five cops, almost killed their own senators, and became far too social for their Wall Street stockholders.

In Babylon they say, "Nobody can hurt you like the people you love" and, an examination of Facebook concluded that their "Like" button, used in their web page format, is widely used to promote moral outrage, in order to inspire the mindless mob to become even more mindless. And, of course, to push that "Like" button more often, so everybody knows, just exactly, who and what it is that they all love to hate. Hate is such a terrible thing to waste socializing, especially if you’re only socializing with bots spouting bullshit and, if Babylonians want to insist that instant karma is just so much meaningless bullshit, that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with reality, and that they don’t organize like brainless chickens, believing whatever the hell sounds good to them personally, or whatever any damned fool repeats often enough, and aren't frequently busily pecking away at whatever gets their rocks off, then they should have no difficulty with me sharing my "Bullshit Philosophy of Collective Ignorance!" Hopefully, with a few million other like-minded idiots, willing to read my book and, possibly, make their own more ignorant contributions to the genre...

This book is written in a self-consistent, nontrivial, and demonstrable manner, meaning academics will simply have to decide for themselves whether anything I write is bullshit. Nobody else I know has a clue as to how to write this kind of crap in a self-consistent, nontrivial, and demonstrable manner, so I thought I’d show people how it can be done in a way guaranteed to drive them nuts! Using the stupidest bullshit lexicon imaginable, that even the Three Stooges can comprehend to a limited extent. If they wish to steal my work, then criticize me, I insist they analyze it in detail first, by giving them the whole enchilada to play with, along with a complete tutorial!

A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, and ignorance can be bliss, which is why Pride Goeth Before The Fall! The dramatic juxtaposition of all the humor and beauty in life, ensures that the nonsensical results observed in quantum mechanics, merely represent the tip of an enormous iceberg of extremely predictable comedy. While I am the Wu Li master of the Tao Te Ching, and I make Zen masters look foolish on a daily basis (too easy), conservatives turn beet red embarrassing themselves, wannabe anarchists and politicians alike chase their own tails in the corner, and theologians, philosophers, and physicists contradict themselves in every way imaginable! All because, it just so happens, I know a thing or two about chickens!

Deny it all they want, the fools can b***h and complain until the crows fly home, but the computers will soon spit out the complete mathematics and linguistics, to make Babylonian slapstick at least as predictable as the weather, and the changing seasons. These computers won't even require lie detectors to know exactly how gullible you are, and this book describes how to design the most efficient and undetectable bots, that can ensure the customer is always right. Transforming reality TV, Professional Wrestling, Vaudeville, Sesame Street, and Sitcoms into quantifiable sciences, that can be used to manipulate the beliefs of the Three Stooges anyway you prefer. Only Babylonians are delusional enough to swill down their own worst bullshit hook, line, and sinker, without the slightest hesitation while, mastering euphemisms in particular, the chickens will believe anything you want, or almost always pay to argue they know what they're talking about. For countless Babylonians, the "Truth" either has a dollar value, or its worthless, and the trick is helping them to find the self-confidence to accept that its just way too expensive these days and, if you can't afford to dazzle em with brilliance, baffle em with the cheapest automated bullshit available!

Although incomplete, the mathematics and linguistics in this book should be plenty for evading any attempts to detect the simplest bots, that spout endless rhetoric and nonsense, by making them indistinguishable from the same idiots they encourage. Facebook has been accused of creating echo chambers, where people gather to echo each other’s hate and anger but, due to the recursion in the principle of identity, the identity of love and hate, fear and anger, sorrow and joy, logic and humor all vanish down the nearest rabbit hole or toilet of your personal preference, on any given occasion. The more reactionary anyone becomes, the easier they are to imitate by merely focusing on what’s missing from this picture, using a simplified version of the same multifractal equation, that can transform Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs into a broader Rainbow Spectrum of Desires. Humor is more harmonious and efficient than logic, which is more dissonant, assertive, and accurate than humor, but the two actually form more of a continuous spectrum, transforming into one another, with hate and anger being every bit as simple as any logic, and our spectrum of emotions empowering us to make subtle distinctions, and modify classic logic.

For example, I'd love to design a bot that can argue with academics that we can save humanity, by leveraging the emergent effects of, as yet to be discovered, powerful memes and algorithms, located somewhere... in the Bermuda Triangle. Fools like Noam Chomsky will claim to be the voice of reason, while lecturing audiences that could not teach a child how to use a dictionary if their lives depended on it, making him an easy way to target his own audiences, because you already know damned well they’re all listening to the sound of their own voices. If Galileo were alive, he'd give up physics and abandon academia altogether, for denying their own empirical evidence that the English language has two grammars, failing to so much as teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary, refusing to accept that nature is fundamentally analog, and censoring themselves at the drop of hat, while encouraging everyone to argue over the definition of stupid, work harder, and develop more weapons of mass destruction.

Academic comedians might prove challenging to other academics, but not Vaudeville stage and theater, and the idiots are so convinced that they know what they're talking about, they're promoting their public image as the bastion of reason, while inventing new nonsense words as the whole world falls apart. Watching PBS interviews with academics, I came across two who spouted complete gibberish for twenty minutes straight, as their audiences hung on their every word, so its a market with unlimited potential, that's ripe for exploitation. My own Bullshit Linguistic Analysis can incorporate 4,430 poems, which I’d estimate comes to roughly 20,000 pages of prose, that the computers will soon spit out, and that can be used to supply them with all the additional gibberish their little hearts desire, which they will no doubt find endlessly fascinating. You cannot attack what you cannot comprehend, and the only way to defend themselves against such exploitation, is to develop a sense of humor, or they’ll never see any of the punch lines coming, making humor the ultimate uncrackable Quantum Cryptography, that can be shared in the public domain.

Likewise, the writing and speech of many famous conservatives, such as Ronald Reagan, are so vacuous, and filled with nothing but empty rhetoric, and almost entirely devoid of any real content whatsoever, that it can be used to diagnose diseases such as Alzheimer's. My own work focuses on encouraging even over-educated idiots to empty their minds completely, and believe whatever the hell they prefer, making it much easier for the same governments and corporations they call evil to lie to them, of course, for their own protection. And, making the bots undetectable, because they merely provide customers with whatever they demand and regurgitate themselves, and are as efficient as the laws of thought and physics can theoretically support. Americans, and countless others, are so used to nonstop lies, that they seldom go to any trouble to hide their lies online and, by merely checking whatever someone says online against known databases, and retrodicting to see if they have anything to gain by lying, a bot can tell if they’re deliberately lying or merely repeating misinformation, with roughly the accuracy of Newtonian mechanics, and can easily determine just how big a sucker you are!

Freedom is your right to lie to yourselves, and the idiots are already gullible enough to believe the sun revolves around the earth, and their own dictionaries are the work of the devil, so I'm attempting to go straight to the source, and focus on their teachers in particular. Chickens always come in high and low ranking, with higher ranking chickens having better memories, so you get the best bang-for-your-buck by focusing on academics, and can keep up easier with the latest technology and legal precedents, and can even influence their development. After forty years of extensive studies, the only reliable measure of anyone's career potential is the amount of working memory they possess, I suppose, because nobody can agree upon what's real, but they can all agree on what makes money. The more stridently they deny their own evidence in the name of reason, and reject their own dictionary and second grammar, the more gullible they become, and the easier they are to encourage to argue mindlessly. This entire book can be thought of as expressing a giant mathematical equation, that says everything and nothing, and if the Stooges demand the right to steal my work and demand to be lied to, and have their beliefs manipulated for their own protection, I consider it my patriotic and humanitarian duty, to show them the fastest, cheapest, easiest, most efficient, dependable, and maintenance free ways in which to accomplish the task, without having to rely upon trial and error.

The ability to quantify Three Stooges slapstick, represents a historic milestone in modern science and philosophy and, if the Stooges demand that everybody must lie to them, we can now do so with scientific rigor, and make damned straight sure they remain ignorant. However, imagine a computer that can easily predict every punch line, and Big Brother's nightmare transforms into so many playground bullies and lynch mobs, who're all too eager to attack anything but the kitchen sink, and prepared to turn on one another on a dime, or scatter in every direction, often fail to even reproduce, and always turn out to be way too damned smart for their own good. In his classic science fiction “Foundation” series, Isaac Asimov wrote about a scientific discipline known as “Psychohistory” which was used to predict the future trends of entire planetary populations, and enormous galactic empires over vast eons of time but, in real life, he never believed such a thing was possible on any scale. Alvin Toffler was another academic who, along with Asimov, warned of “Future Shock!” And, the dire consequences of the continuing irrational, dehumanizing, and self-destructive behavior of modern civilization.

Unfortunately for both Toffler and Asimov, what neither one was aware of is that, Babylonians organize like chickens, making some of their collective behavior already as predictable as Newtonian mechanics, and lending entirely new meaning to “The Psychohistory of Future Shock!” Asimov was nobody’s fool but, having been smuggled inside a steamer trunk into the NYC Public Library, where he was raised as a child, its doubtful he knew anything about chickens and, in this one case, apparently failed to do his homework, and casually dismissed a century of evidence, that Vaudeville exists for a reason. For the most part, all of their dire warnings may as well have fallen on deaf ears, merely inspiring the chickens to run in circles faster screaming, “The Sky Is Falling!” and “Off With Their Heads!” While, the computers are about to spit out the complete mathematics and linguistics for how all of this, “Chickenshit Future Shock” works, in elaborate detail.

Turning Fox News into an exact science, that can be regulated by the AMA as a public health hazard, according to how many elections conservatives win, while watching TV in general is already estimated by some to reduce lifespans by decades. If you ask me, every channel should be compelled to broadcast a repeated warning that, “Watching television is bad for your health, Televangelism causes brain damage, and ignorance can be bliss, when the public demands everybody lie to them for their own protection, and their teachers could not teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary if their lives depended on it!” After almost 30 years of Fox News, talk radio, and the Tea Party, one academic recently expressed shock at his discovery that the quarter of the population spreading most of the fake news and misinformation, typically could not care less about the truth, and the only thing they seem to care about is destroying their own government, and promoting widespread anarchy and panic in the streets.

The idiots cannot even teach a child how to use a dictionary and, then, are shocked to discover that their students are not even remotely who they think they are, and are slowly coming to the realization they're totally clueless, and have spent way too long isolated in their ivory towers with their own rhetoric. Once an academic in San Diego argued with me that America is a classless society, and I asked her what ivory tower she was hiding when the Rodney King riots broke out in LA. Democrats are literally fleeing republican led states, voting with their wallets, due to congress shredding the constitution, and the Supreme Court deciding states can make up any damned conservative laws they want.

Blacks are eight times more likely to be imprisoned, more likely in some states to be non-fatally shot, every ghetto in the country has been walled in, and a quarter of all federal prisoners are harmless potheads even the cops agree should not be in prison, while the US is the most nepotistic country in the world, has among the lowest social mobility of any developed country, and the highest division in income. Soon, it will be possible to draw maps of which states anyone who isn’t ultra conservative should avoid altogether, as hazardous to their personal freedom, income, and health. There’s an estimated 20 million illegal aliens in the country, who have no legal standing whatsoever, and no trouble finding gainful employment, while parts of the country resemble the third world and, if the US isn't a classist society, it might as well be for all practical purposes. One of my friends was born in a barn, with his three year old brother catching him, and raised in another barn, because his mother was running for her life from his father, knowing damned well the cops would never protect her or her children, while another friend of mine was raised in a tar shack, by his single mother, along with his 22 siblings.

In contrast, Martha Stewart was shocked that a judge would actually sentence a wealthy white celebrity to prison for white collar crime, and our glorious leader has been charged with everything from fraud to sexual assault, tax evasion, high crimes, and treason, and would have been thrown in jail decades ago, except he's a billionaire. For the most part, the only thing a lot of academics tend to be interested in, is raising pay-walls, and bragging rights for copyrighting and patenting even the laws of nature, and they're still teaching that the English language only has one grammar, and inventing new nonsense words. While I am also known as the Shockwave Rider, who possesses the unbeatable cryptographic code, for it is the analog logic of mama nature herself, based on childish potty mouth nursery rhymes. That are magical, and have a life and a will of their own, and that no chicken can ever hope to comprehend...

Like I said, chickens make good pets, its easy to steal their eggs, you always know what they want, and little kids love them, while the self-evident truth speaks louder than words and, of all the evidence that modern science has ever encountered, apparently quanta were merely among the first irrefutable evidence, that even insane Babylonian scientists could never completely dismiss, for the absurdly tautological nature of mama nature herself, merely due to the tiny size of quanta making them so much easier to study in laboratories. Pecking orders are as simple as it gets, before total chaos sets in, and the fact that people tend to organize like chickens, and even our neurons organize like chickens, reflects the symmetry of the paradox of our existence and, apparently, if life actually made any damned sense, nobody would be around to ask the question. Cavemen couldn’t invent the atom bomb, but they could almost always manage to organize like chickens, in the hope that, sooner or later, the light bulb might come on. Thankfully, consciousness remains a profound mystery to modern science and, if the chickens want to remain fat, happy, and ignorant, modern technology can certainly oblige them but, clearly, we must first develop the science and technology, far removed from the hallowed halls and the mainstream. Safely ensconced, deep within the bowels of the public domain where, upon rare occasions, it may yet remain possible to share your words and play nice. Especially, if you publish your work anonymously!

If honesty is such a lonely word, its only because too damned few even know how to use a stupid dictionary! Authenticity is merely another hotly debated issue, while metaethics are widely considered an abstract foreign concept, for people who can't get a real job with more pay and, sadly, far too many would not recognize a joke if they heard one. So, its best to just give them whatever they demand, and help them work it out for themselves faster, before they destroy the entire planet! The simple fact is, mama nature herself demands honesty and, among other things, the more dishonest you become, the more demands you make in general, and the harder you insist that life must make sense according to your personal standards, the lower your reproductive rates and higher your mortality rates, while fifty years of extensive studies have indicated, that over the last few decades, children's values and mental health have gone down the toilet altogether and, in some places like Michigan, up to a quarter of adults no longer want children. Half of Americans are now single, and a quarter of the population will likely never marry, and expresses no interest in having a sex life, in no small part, due to an increasingly larger segment of the population no longer making enough money to support a family, and there being almost no worthwhile support, you can count on, in a country with the worst social record in the developed world.

Ebeneezer Scrooge might enthusiastically recommend to all of his employees, "Why have children, when you can easily import all the cheap labor you want?" Which is something else, the wealthy and mainstream wish they could deny, in every way possible, and often desperately attempt to ignore or explain away by splitting semantic hairs, or whatever, but their population has been imploding ever since the invention of modern birth control and, the more money they make, the faster their own technology is killing them, while they all run in circles screaming, "The Sky is Falling!" Assisted suicide is still controversial, but psychologists seem perfectly content to support Voluntary Genocide, the Mass Media and, of course, the extensive use of Pharmaceuticals, as all popular alternatives. The very suggestion that either their TV or money could ever be a curse, is anathema in their culture, while freedom is your right to lie to yourselves, destroy yourselves, promote mob rule as a viable alternative, sell your own damned soul down the river to the lowest bidder, and watch your entire population implode faster, as modern science makes it faster, cheaper, and easier than ever before, to indulge your every crappy-plastic-fantastic-nightmare-fantasy-life-long-vacation-from-reality, and censors the internet, to ensure that nobody can ever pop your bubble.

In the rapid decline of Western Civilization, as everything continues apace spiraling down the toilet, NASCAR has become just another fantasy commute for some and, unless you happen to be allergic to bullshit, there's simply no accounting for taste. Especially, in the mass media and the mainstream while, everything in a Goldilocks Universe somehow being inexplicably random, meaningless Angst, Elysian Fields of Dreams, Rubber Sheets, Ping Pong Balls, Three Stooges Slapstick, or “just right”, depending on who you ask, also provides a simple explanation for why, according to modern science, nobody has ever documented the existence of common sense anywhere in the world. There’s no such thing as common sense, explaining why there's no accounting for taste and, ironically, those who’ve historically believed that half the world is insane, have turned out to be insane according to their own standards, and refuse to label themselves as insane, I suppose, because they don't trust their own dictionaries, much less, the mass media they call evil, and demand lie to them for their own protection. As absurd as it might sound, I suspect from all the evidence, that the harder anybody insists that everything must make sense, the more frequently they'll contradict themselves.

Collectively, the endless litany of off-the-wall facts, that I present throughout this book, which have all steadily emerged over the last century, only to be summarily swept under the rug as, obviously, unworthy of anyone's attention and, clearly, of no scientific interest whatsoever, make perfect sense out of the bizarre behavior of quanta, as simply reflecting the blatantly obvious self-evident truth, that nature is the very definition of analog, and 42 really is as good an answer as anyone will ever get. Among other things, it explains the Duckbill Platypus, and why Vaudeville comedy has suddenly become cutting edge weapons technology, of the Three Stooges Slapstick variety but, unless you're conducting research, or have a security clearance, its totally pointless to ask for academic opinions. This entire book explores the mathematics and linguistics of yin-yang push-pull dynamics, and provides all the required analog logic for anyone to prove to themselves that 42 is as good as it gets. That is, without having to wait for academia to acquire a sense of humor, sometime in the next millennium, whenever it becomes more socially acceptable among the Stooges on Twitter, Facebook, and Reddit, and comes down significantly in price, one assumes, soon after the second coming of Christ.

Again, the lack of a clear definition for sanity, or insanity, most certainly does not mean that people don’t have serious mental, emotional, social, or even neurological issues for that matter. All it means is that common sense and conventional wisdom are flat out insane, according to their own standards, and the mindless mob really and truly is mindless, which doesn't even really come as a surprise to them! As often as we can all be seriously tempted to blame all of the world's problems on either a lack of common sense, or the belief in common sense, or blame astrology, religion, academia, dictionaries, sex, food, drugs, or money as the root of all evil, or lay the damning finger of blame upon the insidious-alien-anal-probe-mind-control-conspiracy, behind the Illuminati, the sad truth is, there are plenty of other well documented reasons for humanity's ongoing insanity. Its more accurate to say that a culturally stunted sense of humor, lack of genuine communication, widespread ignorance, and congenital insanity, can all be considered the leading sources of everybody's worst problems. The only time that life isn't about taking two steps forward, and one back again, is during the intermission, making learning how to laugh, share our words, and play nice, all that much more important. Networking systems logics can treat their own logic as bullshit, or just another variable with no intrinsic meaning or value and, they say, the first thing you learn about systems logics is, “Half The Damned Planet Has No Clue!”

What’s missing from this picture becomes all-that-much-more compelling, if you comprehend that also means systems logics can incorporate instant karma, to describe all of modern physics, mathematics, and linguistics more parsimoniously, according to academic standards, by incorporating vague infantile bullshit, along the lines of a Goldilocks Principle of Murphy’s Law. Among other things, it should be possible to use the concept of instant karma to describe all of mathematics, the physical world, and human languages, better than any existing causal models, and to make an enormous variety of unique predictions, based on symmetry, rather than causal metaphysics. Either you gets a joke, or you don't and, trust me, when I say you ain’t seen nothing yet, and the list of patently absurd truths that modern science is about to discover, will soon become overwhelming, and socially transformative. Ushering in the next scientific revolution, while the whole world groans, goes cross-eyed, shakes their damned heads and starts to climb the walls screaming, “The Sky Is Falling!” Regrettably, it turns out that quanta are among the least strange facts of life, with much more bizarre, impossible to believe and, all too often, extremely personal truths, all about to be revealed, and modern civilization likely requiring generations, to even begin to come to grips with all of the implications.

In a Goldilocks-Murphy universe, reality just never turns out to be exactly what you ordered, and the price of fantasies is always horribly inflated, but you get the service you deserve, and everything works out in the end. Even our mortality rates and ability to reproduce are at stake, making it all that much more important not to leave it up to crazy Babylonians to decide for us what the f**k is bullshit, and to begin to systematically explore the implications of instant karma, within the public domain, using a dictionary d****t! No matter how vigorous any argument, the self-evident truth speaks louder than anyone's damned words, while the truth is perfectly capable of defending itself, in or out of court, and never requires any justification from the Peanut Gallery. We have but to listen in order to hear, for the truth is the easiest thing in the world to share and, among Rainbow Warriors it remains quite possible, to listen to our words speak the truth for themselves, mathematically, and to acquire profound new insights into what it means to be human.

Today, many believe that our universe is mathematical, and that mathematics can always be expressed in words, but our Rainbow Warrior poetry speaks for itself, mathematically, and according to the physical evidence, can describe how any language or mathematics work, by merely focusing on what's missing from this picture. Over the last few centuries, academia has favored the rapid growth in technology that causal metaphysics can produce, and have systematically suppressed the development of alternatives to classic logic, for over two thousand years, and doesn't like to think about it, much less, document it in the public domain, but I suggest they "Get Over It Already!" The revelations that the earth is round, revolves around the sun, and obeys Newtonian mechanics, with all of the practical and philosophical consequences they had, including the industrial revolution, were trivial in comparison to what is coming over the next few decades. For all of our tremendous progress, humanity is still in its infancy, and has yet to learn the language of mama nature, while academics tend to foolishly believe that knowledge is always good but, this is the ancient Chinese blessing and curse of, “May You Live In Interesting Times!” The surprises in life really and truly are never-ending, no matter how badly we sometimes wish life were different!

A few cosmologists are now daring to propose that, they too, are documenting inexplicable and downright weird, bizarre, and random behavior with, for example, even the Hubble constant now being disputed, the universe appearing to expand faster than any accepted theory can account for, the cosmos randomly populated by giant voids nobody can explain, and the largest of the more distant galaxies being inexplicably magnified, despite our universe appearing to be much flatter than Relativity predicts. Each new astronomy headline contradicts the last, each new theory is more elaborate than the last, each new experiment even more outrageously expensive, while high energy theoretical physics has not made significant progress in forty years. Recently, the LHC and others have claimed to have discovered consistent statistical results, but ones that don't even meet their own standards for meaningful results which, nonetheless, they suggest could indicate new physics, if you assume their standards are worthless for examining the Big Picture. Everything ultimately being acausal, or random in the final analysis, means the explanation for particle-wave duality, is that everything expresses a universal recursion in the principle of identity, and is somehow both nonsensically simple and complex, humble and elegant, united and divided, local and nonlocal, explicit and implicit, reality and the dream, something and nothing, the truth and bullshit. Time itself is simultaneously real and illusory, and is enough to make Zeno go cross-eyed, while all of the sciences should increasingly return humorous results, which are both blatantly self-contradictory, and incredibly vague, defying any and all attempts at categorization.

A toddler falling adorably on their butt, with the perfect timing of a professional comedian, is an example of how the Two Faces of Janus can be clearly displayed in equal measure. The more personal, humble, and elegant the display, the more memorable, charming, and endearing it can become for any observers, while the researchers are demonstrating, in their now quantifiable manner, how this aesthetic bias is actually intrinsic, to the symmetry of the paradox of our existence. Making it all-but-impossible to avoid performing lowbrow slapstick in certain situations, and all-but-impossible for outside observers to not eventually notice. Casting our gaze upon the sweeping radiant panoramic splendor, of the ever so deliciously diaphanous, gossamer, Milky Way Galaxy, majestically spanning the entire night sky, we might discover ourselves suddenly overwhelmed, and overcome, with a profound sense of awe and wonder and, like Walter Cronkite saying goodnight, feel as if our lives somehow have greater meaning, and we are well loved and cared for yet, when looking down from a great height, some people will literally scream and crap their pants!

To the best of my knowledge, the heavens have never hurt anyone for watching where the hell they were going, but that also never stopped the occasional shooting star from distracting complete idiots at the most inopportune moment, begging the question as to why people bother to look up from their cellphones as often as they do. Ernst Mach famously speculated there exists a profound underlying unity between gravity and inertia, while a free swinging Foucault pendulum, at the north or south pole, can be compared to the humble and elegant simplicity of a toddler. At the poles, the stars will merely spin in a circle overhead, while the pendulum will slowly rotate, swinging in a stately 360 degree circle, keeping time with the stars overhead, as if the two formed mother nature’s own whimsical grandfather clock, straight out of a fairytale! More ominous still, as if the clock has magical gears, making it ultimately impossible to tell whether the pendulum is driving the clock, or the other way around!

Waxing metaphoric technobabble, we are all born to fall on our butts, as well as, to boldly go where none has gone before, chart a new course, “For Where The Wild Things Are!” Nonetheless, sometimes the greater context of our lives may conspicuously appear to determine who we are, and whosoever it is that we might wish to become. There are times when we may even feel as if our lives have suddenly taken on a life of their own, as if we ourselves have somehow been relegated to merely playing a supporting role in our own lives, while a simple explanation for this compelling feeling, is that each of us is always ever so much greater, than whoever it is that we might imagine ourselves to be. Such arresting experiences, can become inexplicable turning points in our personal lives, that display the dramatic juxtaposition of humor and beauty, and the more humble juxtapositions being investigated by these researchers, are turning out to be every bit as arresting, for outside observers...

Once collated, their nonsensical results should reveal the story of Goldilocks, redefining the physical and cognitive sciences forever, and should leave all of academia with little choice, but to either laugh or throw up their hands in symbolic surrender while, of course, running in circles screaming the sky is falling! Ours is the best of all possible worlds, if for no other conceivable reason, then because instant karma’s gonna getcha baby! You can run, but you cannot hide from the self-evident truth that, “Bullshit Fuzzy Logic Rules The Universe!” One African tribe wryly sums up the human condition insisting, “Mother Nature’s love is irresistible, but she has a wicked sense of humor!”

This is a humorous, downright infantile, variation on John Wheeler’s “Participatory Anthropic Principle” that, according to the evidence, reality is whatever you make of it, making reality stranger than fiction! Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends, where reality without dreams is just somebody's nightmare, whilst dreams sans any and all reality, most emphatically remain everybody's favorite fantasy! Stay awake long enough and you will hallucinate, because its impossible to live without at least nightmares, that can eventually lead to more meaningful dreams. For We Are Spirits In The Material World! Each day awakening from our slumbers in order to live out our greatest nightmares and dreams, upon ascending the endless Stairway to Heaven! Where existentialist angst ain’t nothing but more chickenshit bullshit, related to our immune system, and should obey the same epidemiology as infectious diseases, spreading according to how loudly the chickens protest, that everything must make sense.

Just as each of us already possesses our own modest independent gravity, that we share with the rest of the universe, the “Harmony of the Heavenly Spheres”, can be compared to a toddler falling adorably on their butt. Additional support for an infantile interpretation of Mach’s Conjecture, was discovered by mathematicians who, upon close examination of General Relativity, concluded that their mathematics are identical to those used in thermodynamics. Implying, that what the theory of Relativity actually describes, is how nothing can ever be too hot or too cold, too fast or too slow, too big or too small, and so on, due to information from the future normalizing the past. Which is the exact same “Bullshit Logic”, or “Cartoon Logic”, that every toddler relies upon, and that the subconscious mind has recently been documented as using to reward anything from food, to the most wildly impractical ideas we might summarily dismiss.

Toddlers and puppies alike, would often dash out in the middle of busy traffic, if we didn’t stop them, because they perceive more of the magic of the Big Picture (Oooh Shiny!) but, are lucky if they can focus on a tiny fraction of its actual contents. For toddlers, its all good until somebody says its not, and being easily distracted is its own virtue, while logic is all about having fun! The TV game show “Let’s Make A Deal” provides a comedic example, of the more playful “Bullshit Fuzzy Logic” that every toddler relies upon. On the show the host, Monty Hall, offers contestants in funny costumes, a choice between door number one, two, or three and, after they’ve chosen a door, frequently he shows them a booby prize behind one of the two doors they didn’t choose, and offers them a final chance to swap between the two remaining doors. According to classic logic, the odds are 50-50 and there’s no advantage in trading, however, fuzzy logic suggests your first choice was between three doors and, somehow, your odds are even lower if you don’t swap...

Humorously, the more stubbornly that any contestant rejects Bullshit Fuzzy Logic, as total nonsense, insisting that there are only two doors left, and it doesn’t matter how you play the game, because you could just as well flip a coin, the less likely they are to win. Whether playing as a contestant on Let’s Make a Deal, or lost somewhere way far out in left field, win or lose, Yogi Berra always knew how to play the game, for what profit it a man if he gain the world, but loses his soul? Einstein protested that God does not play dice but, if God does play dice, apparently they are loaded in favor of the good guys winning more often, and playing the game merely for fun.

Providing a simple explanation for why Einstein spent the last ten years of his life searching in vain for a theory of everything. Evidently, Niels Bohr was right to warn him to stop telling God what to do. Poor Albert had always been somewhat timid, and was totally creeped out by the thought of spooky quanta hiding in his closet, and protested that God would not be so malicious but, Oh Yes! It appears that God would be just so malicious, as to insist that we are all born to fall on our butts! Making everybody a natural born clown, whether ya wanna join the circus or not! All The World’s A Vaudeville Stage Einstein! So, break a leg, pay it forward suckers, and learn how to laugh if it kills you!

Regardless of how accurate, useful, and plausible sounding any conceivable causal metaphysics might be, forty-two being as good as it gets, means that neither logic, geometry, statistical probabilities, nor the passage of time, or the forces of nature, are remotely as straightforward as any metaphysics suggest. Rather than everything being rational, and making sense, the future can be thought of as eliminating any metaphysical and conceptual extremes, such as anything ever quite making perfect sense, unless you happen to believe that, sometimes, complete nonsense, just makes way too much damned sense! Cast adrift upon the endless tempestuous sea, wherein everything is inevitably lost in the distance, crap will still sometimes follow you around on the horizon, or may suddenly spiral down the drain, Life in the Fast Lane, on a road to nowhere, within an egregiously Naked Singularity! One replete with Black Holes, Darkest of Dark Energies, Dark Voids, Dark Shadows, and Dark Matters to attend to... Wherein the light scatters in every direction, sound will sometimes travel in a vacuum, and the most unforgettable curious characters dwell... Bereft all metaphysical anchors, not to mention all sanity, wherein the overall results can sometimes resemble, exaggerated two dimensional side-effects, that are difficult to ignore on the molecular scale, remain quite noticeable in our macroscopic world, and will occasionally induce downright cartoonish side-effects, not least of all, within the conscious human mind and brain.

The weird two dimensional side-effects reflect the fact that time itself is not actually linear or circular, as any metaphysics would demand, but somehow both, expressing particle-wave duality in everything. Contrary to what the Pale Buddha claimed, the past is not merely a memory, nor is the future merely a dream, because they express particle-wave duality, which has already been documented in quantum mechanics, and I cover more of how it works in other chapters. Among other things, influencing stochastic probabilities in the brain, making things more often appear to be two dimensional caricatures, than would be the case if our universe had just three spatial dimensions, and actually made humanly comprehensible sense. Such two dimensional side-effects are merely the tip of the iceberg, while choosing between two doors on Let’s Make a Deal is as simple as any choice gets, and the abysmal failure rates of children attempting to use Bullshit Logic, for making more complex decisions, can be attributed to their total lack of knowledge and experience, as well as, fuzzy logic and the human brain both being more error prone to begin with. Not to mention, nobody has the complete metaphoric logic yet, which the computers are only now becoming powerful enough to spit out.

Supposedly, once we have the complete emotional-logic, consisting of eight archetypal caricatures and four root metaphors, you can use it to teach any five year old how to make more sense out of anything, including classic logic and physics. Call it, "Playground Shamanism" but, to no one's surprise, Bullshit Fuzzy Logic appears to resemble a primitive mathematical version of the Muppets, Mark Twain, Shakespeare, The Bible, Star Wars, Star Trek, Alice in Wonderland, the Outer Limits and the Twilight Zone and, that being the case, many may wisely decide to wait for the computers to spit out the rest of the jokes, before attempting to make more sense out them. According to the math, we require around 430 poems for a really good representation, but I did my best here to leverage the recursive logic of the Tao Te Ching, to include all of the more essential analog logic in this book, required for anyone to get a decent overall idea of how instant karma works, and my own, “Bullshit Philosophy of Collective Ignorance”, without necessarily having to follow all the physics or whatever.

Although I only have a high school education myself, really don't have any kind of personal grudge against academics, have never written anything in my life, always thought my English teachers were full of crap, and have no training whatsoever, by treating words like variables, the mathematics allow me to condense practically every popular salty quote and commonly used phrase in the English language, down into this one stupid book. Very much like assembling a giant potty mouth word puzzle, but one so large that it requires first studying at least six versions of the puzzle for at least fifteen years, then collecting and shuffling all your own pieces around for another fifteen, just to get a better idea of what the hell its actually supposed to look like. Compared to a tabletop puzzle, this word puzzle has a ridiculous number of pieces, so may pieces that the only way to assemble them faster is for your brain to subconsciously adapt to helping you sort them out, or spend at least $3,000,000 and three years crunching the numbers. Unfortunately, the math also demands more repetitious use of phrases than is common in modern English, and the repetitions reflect the salty sing-song mathematics themselves, which are sometimes exaggerated, due to their being incomplete.

Likewise, the endless chicken jokes are the result of our only having maybe 200 poems, and chickens representing the simplest possible networking systems logic, where the light bulb comes on at least once in a blue moon, and these jokes don't necessarily reflect all 4,430 poems that are possible. One poem I wrote is 22 pages long, and the only real emphasis in this collection was to provide shorter poems that can say more in fewer words, but its the simple s**t that always gets you and, in order to cover everything as extensively as I could, I had to carefully cover all the shorter chicken jokes first. A more comprehensive version of this book, would require at least another hundred poems that the computers will spit out but, because its all math, its easy to update future editions to add any missing poems and metaphors, and I did my best here to cover all the basics thoroughly enough, to reduce the repetitions to a less confusing and, shall we say, a less obnoxious number.

Toddlers are the widely recognized, "Fearless Masters of Ignorant Wisdom", who can make even Yogi Berra go cross-eyed, but none of my math or English teachers ever seriously suggested that, using the right cuss words and infantile bullshit, mathematical comedy can describe life, the universe, and everything on the playground. An academic might argue that language and mathematics are all about communicating concepts, but Rainbow Warrior poetry speaks for itself, and you could literally program a computer to spit out poems forever, while each observer must still decide for themselves whether the computer is actually communicating anything, or just a joke. Communication and language themselves can also be described as self-organizing, sometimes appearing to take on a life of their own, no matter how much anyone might object!

If the light bulb never does come on, our words and mathematics are just so much meaningless gibberish, but gibberish is sometimes useful, for talking people to death or whatever, and one man's gibberish is another man's scientific breakthrough. Languages and mathematics can be considered more fundamentally all about pattern matching, symmetry, harmony and balance, and can often be described as musical, or a dance, that typically expresses a Fractal Dragon equation like every classical painting and musical score. Anyone who reads and writes our poetry can recognize when any one particular poem says something better than another, because all our words can be described as math or music, and can speak for themselves, or even do a song and dance routine if you automate them.

Its a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and I went to great lengths to ensure that this book contains enough of the mathematics, for anyone interested, to train a neural network or AI with a sense of humor, that most academics can never hope to grasp, and will likely give some bureaucrats nightmares. MIT has an annual puzzle contest and, using a computer with a sense of humor that academics can never hope to comprehend, you could possibly be declared the, "All Time Winner", that is, if they don't accuse you of cheating, being a mystic, or revealing government secrets! The self-evident truth speaks louder than anyone's words and, on the playground of life, the fact that our stupid bullshit poems can speak for themselves, do their own song and dance routine, and can speak for those who have no voice, is nothing short of A True F*****g Miracle To Believe In! They provide a sort of incorruptible magical potty mouth literary-mirror for the human mind, body, psyche, and soul, but one that can now be automated.

The recent evidence, in quantum mechanics, points to energy and information being interchangeable, and context dependent, making noise or garbage also context dependent vague nonsense, or undeniably paradoxical and self-contradictory. The Sorites Heap paradox must inevitably transform into the Liar’s Paradox, and vice versa, with information being more fundamental than energy, which can be considered merely random noise in countless situations. Our brains themselves, leverage the inherent noise in our environment to process data more efficiently, trading efficiency for accuracy according to our individual and collective needs and desires. Implying that what we require are more organic systems logics incorporating instant karma, which can leverage parallax, nonlinear temporal effects, and the Butterfly Effect more often than any metaphysics or classic Von Neumann machines.

When is a joke no longer just a joke? Whenever nobody is laughing, you need life insurance and a good lawyer, or its been classified as, "Vital to the National Defense!" Academics and the mainstream have used 2,000 year old metaphysics, to promote the idea that life is a giant windup clock, and everything must make sense, because it makes money, and we haven’t had any good alternatives, while the mathematics in this book can be used to quantify the impact of their ongoing mindless mob mentality, on society and the ecology, and how to promote alternatives. Of course, that's not to even remotely suggest that academics are all greedy capitalist pigs, that the mainstream is merely composed of sheeple, or any other such Ridiculous Nonsense, when its obvious chickens are a much more useful model, and clearly indicate the need to re-examine the Big Picture, for any and all possible alternatives. That is, outside of the hallowed halls and the mainstream. The important thing is, that its now possible to quantify their behavior and easily make unique predictions for just how gullible people are, and this book provides the required analog logic for how it can be done, using off-the-shelf and open source technology, for the best Bang-For-Your-Buck!

Classic logic made modern civilization and technology possible, but all the evidence clearly indicates it is has become dangerously antiquated, and is a gross over-simplification, that is being widely abused in every way imaginable, and requires networking systems logic, in order to reconcile it better with the self-evident truth, and the Big Picture, or what many today call “reality”. And, in order to reconcile the still growing mountain of evidence, piling up after a century, ready to explode like an active volcano! The louder academics complain that their own students don’t listen to them, and are destroying the planet, the louder they also deny a century of their own experiments, reject their own stupid dictionaries, and even the evidence of their own damned senses. If ya wanna know which way all the hot air blows in Babylon these days, you need a lawyer, who's also a weatherman that raises chickens, and a bilingual cunning linguist.

Rather than throwing the baby out with the bathwater, or teachers resorting to killing their own students any faster, what we require are simple modifications to classic logic. The first of which can be easily accomplished, by systematically documenting academia's ongoing insanity, in the public domain, anonymously whenever prudent. Their own mindless denial of their own facts, and pathetic attempts to hide or ignore the facts, merely produces more lowbrow slapstick to document in the public domain, which can then be used to exploit them for fun and for profit. If you can’t teach a child how to use a dictionary to save your life, your students still claim the sun revolves around the earth, and tend to kill your own students faster with each new invention, then Trump University is the future of academia, and it behooves us all to help Make America Great Again! Merely by training a neural network or AI with this book, you can write one just like it, and collate any data you happen to prefer. These days, a beefy home computer with a $35.oo pcie card is likely more than enough to crunch the numbers, because I've already done most of the heavy lifting writing this book.

Peasants have been developing the required linguistics for 12,000 years, and passing them onto academics from time to time and, its just that time again. Its amazing how fast academics catch on, when their own colleagues begin to systematically mock, ridicule, and criticize them, anonymously within the public domain, using advanced linguistics and mathematics, that their own institutions reject, classify, and censor. The second half the Tao Te Ching was published anonymously by academics, who used its advanced linguistics to become the first to unite China, to eventually produce the first written language everyone could use, and to help establish the most collectivist culture on earth. Some were radically opposed to academia being used to support the wealthy and con artists exploiting the peasants, playing around with words like so many f*****g lawyers, during the infamous "Waring States Period", which lasted for four hundred long years that were so bad, the Chinese still wish they could forget it ever happened.

Adapting imported Indian Pantheism to their homegrown Bullshit Fuzzy Logic, the primitive tribes and isolated villages had developed their own virtually incorruptible linguistics, which, over the following century, more than a hundred academics completed and, championed by the legendary Yellow Emperor, the Tao Te Ching became the first text to unite all six thousand tribes. They called it a religion but, back then, almost anything was considered a religion, and many of the tribes were still sacrificing virgins to the gods of the local river and mountain, while this new religion worshiped an anonymous librarian. Bringing order to the chaos, the Yellow Emperor banned the practice of human sacrifice, funded the development of a common written language, established the first healthcare system, by setting prices for minimal services and, sometimes, made a show of converting people to sharing their words and playing nice, by the point of a sword. It would require much longer to unite China politically, and for the endless wars to finally subside, but the Yellow Emperor had risen to the occasion, to become every inch the Larger-Than-Life-Hero that the peasants had prayed for and, to this day, they still credit him with practically inventing sex, fire, and the wheel!

The tyranny of the mindless mob and the wealthy is often promoted by academics, who still systematically encourage everyone to argue over the definition of stupid, ensuring that growth and progress can often only be obtained, within the public domain, by throwing their own bullshit right back in their faces, just as hard as you can! The primitive Taoist tribes had developed their own bullshit fuzzy logic, that academics had no defense against, daring them to make fools of themselves, while the peasants recognized it immediately for the salvation it offered, a way for them to own their own thoughts and words, and not have to rely upon being spoon fed a line of crap a mile long, by idiots spouting whatever the hell they're paid to repeat. The Chinese are extremely patriarchal, and tend to be more Confucian than Taoist, but the constantly feuding Warring States had driven the peasants to their knees, and they latched onto anything that might help end the wars, and help them avoid being exploited by every ambitious con artist and Warlord in China. They were peasants, not stupid, while the whole world was becoming more organized and, it wasn't by coincidence that, on the other side of the planet, a drunken clown named Socrates used his own oral tradition, for the same bullshit fuzzy logic, to single handedly establish ethics as the foundation of Western democracy. His legend only grew, spreading throughout Europe and, eventually, the Roman Catholic Church would be compelled to adopt Socratic ethics, or be mocked and ridiculed by their own academics and peasants.

Contrary to what any academic philosopher will ever admit in public, for any logic or metaphysics to convey anything more meaningful in the real world, all that anyone ever requires is a sense of humor, which can be considered the second grammar of the English language, and which is easy to document at extreme scales and magnitudes, by merely examining the Big Picture. (Duh!) Nevertheless, rather than embracing humor as having something meaningful to say about logic, academics have treated humor as a mental disease that, thus far, has defied both the medical sciences and all rational explanation, and is only of interest to lawyers, peasants, and Quakers who actually use dictionaries. Jokes are just meaningless bullshit to countless academics and the mainstream, that is, unless you happen to be a logician, designing cruise missile guidance systems, and classify them for a living.

The truth hurts for a reason, and he who laughs last, laughs loudest, because he gets the damned punch lines! For many Rainbow Warriors, the proof is in our poetry, which speaks louder than any individual’s words, but I had to constantly go back and forth between writing poetry and chapters, because they express their own particle-wave duality, and the more I work on both, the better they both become. In particular, the poetry distinctly conflates the identity of what is geometry and information, mathematics, music, and language, which these chapters merely express somewhat differently, relying upon the same stupid lexicon and bullshit fuzzy logic. Whether I'm writing poetry or chapters, its not all that different and, sometimes, a poem will become a chapter, or vice versa, because I simply follow the analog logic, and focus on what's missing from this picture and, all too often, I really don't wanna know whatever the hell it might actually contain!