Big Bang

All my work is extrapolated from potty mouth nursery rhymes and the Tao Te Ching, and tells the paradoxical tale of Goldilocks Murphy.

Big Bang

In the beginning, God farted,

Known today, as the Big Bang,

Just under, 14 billion years ago!

Expanding from every direction!

The heavenly choir was prepared!

Being familiar, with Divine stench!

They scattered faster than the smell!

Creating sonic booms, in their wake!

Flew away in every direction at once!

Like a cartoon, speeding up the action!

Like a short Charlie Chaplin movie reel.

Like terrified chickens scattering forever!

Like a stampeding herd of wild elephants!

Lucifer was the only one caught flat footed!

Unlucky enough, to have been closer to God!

Broadsided Each Volley Hitting Him Hardest!

That He Was Simply Not Prepared To Deal With!

Never being inclined, to easily forgive and forget!

Disillusioned, Devastated, And Totally Outraged!

Indignantly swearing he could never forgive him!

Swearing To, Someday, Exact Terrible Vengeance!

Hid deep underground refusing to ever come out!

Practicing the arcane art of silent-but-deadly-farts!

With nobody left to talk to, God grew quite bored!

So, with a funky wave of his hand,

He created the heavens and earth,

Out of the, still, lingering stench.

Then, he created Adam and Eve,

Who ran away screaming holding their noses!

Questioning God's warped sense of humor!

Today, Joan Osborn runs around singing!

Dancing In the Isles Like A Whirlwind!

Inciting Her Own Audiences To Riot!

Yet,“What If God Was One Of Us?”

Would we all get up and run away?

Ever since those first confusing days,

The rumor that keeps on going around,

Is, something, must be inherently wrong,

With the absurdly comical species of homo sapiens,

For God to punish us so badly right from the start!

Yet the angels keep insisting God was just kidding,

Promising they'll come back again, later,

Whenever the smell finally dies down,

To help air out the remaining stench.

Whilst, the last anyone saw of God,

Laughing gently never unpleasantly,

Appearing quite comfortably relieved,

Merrily frolicking away, into the sunset,

He exclaimed: “Sometimes it just feels so good to let her rip!”

Whilst, adroitly holding his nose making his most merciful retreat...