late night dreaming

A Story by the adventurer

I sit here wondering of what could have been..

what if they had loved me,

what if he had loved me,

what if I had loved me..

if they had all loved me, would it really matter? now that I'm out of high school and just an average student in community college, would it really have mattered? sure, I might have more friends than I do now. but would I be happy?

if he had loved me... well, which he are we talking about? my first love who, to this day, doesn't love me back? my first boyfriend who played me by the book, and I should have so obviously seen it coming? my first summer fling, who I swore would love me forever because I was his first? or my best friend, who "doesn't want anything serious" but calls me beautiful & sweetheart, and tells me he loves me every day?

if I had loved me, I would have been truly happy. but how am I supposed to be happy in a world where the only role models I have are made out of plastic, and the only thing on TV is sappy romantic love stories filled with hatred and bitter love?

I took all weekend off to spend with my best friend who came home for the holidays from bootcamp, and he doesn't even have the decency to respond to my text messages. I sat in front of the TV all day watching a bitter, romantic love story of a show that he got me hooked on, just waiting for him to text me back. the one thing I got from him today?

"hey sorry I was in the city all day and my phone died. im going to bed night"

like I wasn't worried about him? like he wasn't the only thing on my mind?

I sit here and wonder what could have been, what will be, and who might just be around to see it.