Chapter One

Central City, NE 1998…

Six thousand miles and my Ford finally committed its final act of suicide. A constant billow of smoke rose from the multi-colored hood in an ominous fashion. I would have pushed it forward for another hundred or so miles but the alternating color of black and grey fumes coming out made it impossible to keep going. The final chugs of life landed me in front of the town’s local grocery. Women varying in shape and size filed in and out of the slowly revolving doors followed by gaggles of giggling children tripping over their mother’s skirts and playfully making faces at the older siblings around them. The summer sun felt imposing on my skin causing beads of sweat to roll down my back and collect under the plastic imitation watch that clung to my wrist.

 

“Need help there son.”

 

The voice came from an elder looking man. His voice and the pungent smell that wafted from him told me he was a smoker. Even in his age his height was intimidating, a few heads taller then my 6’2” frame. Piercing blue eyes hit me like an instant spark before he was forced to turn his gaze away from the suns reflective rays.

 

“Did ya hear me boy? Do you need help with your car?”

 

“Ye…Yeah…” snapping out of my daze “Yes sir. I do. I don’t know what’s wrong with her now.” I walked him over to the hood of my car. He instantly took the lead and lifted the hood batting the smoke that surged around him. His eyes danced knowingly over the over heated carcass of my ford. Examining and stripping the car without actually placing his calloused hands on anything, he examined that car like most men examine the skirts on the better proportioned girls that walked by.

 

“You sure did a number on this old girl. The radiator’s shot, the oil filters cracked up good. And it looks like you’ve been loosing your oil for the last few hundred miles.” He wiped the small rivulet of sweat off his brow and looked in each direction down the road as if he was expecting something to show up there. He wiped the little smidgeon of oil that had gotten on his hands on his tattered blue jeans that had begun to fade to grey from over use.  “There’s a small garage down the block about a mile or so. Its notin big, but it should be enough to get this girl running till you can get to one of the bigger cities.”

 

“Thanks I appreciate it sir. Point me in a direction and ill start tugging her along.”

He grinned at that. Though I was pretty sure he wasn’t grinning at what I said. I could tell by the expression on his wrinkled face that he one didn’t think I would get the car a few mere steps from him, rather then a half a mile or so, and two I hadn’t realized yet. My mother had always said I was rather good at reading people that’s what made it so hard for my little siblings or Cassy get away with anything. But I couldn’t read him. It’s like his eyes were covered with some sort of film that I couldn’t see through.

 

“Nonsense. Let me go tell my old lady and ill help you push her along.” Without waiting for me to respond he headed off. There was a small hobble to his walk that made me think old war injury or maybe I was just thinking too much into it and it was just a bum leg. Parched, I grabbed the lukewarm bottle of water off the passenger side seat and gulped it down ruefully. It felt like hot sand dripping down the back of my throat. The gentle hum of the rural town was intoxicating. It sent out sense of calm. Where the biggest worry was adolescent boys pilfering Granny Joe’s apple’s of the stand when no one was looking.

 

“Let’s go Andy…” I heard an aggravated voice from behind me say. A boy no higher then waist high stared up intently at me.

“Andrew Liam Jonas I will not tell you again now stop staring and lets’ go.”  The woman that was tugging the boy along couldn’t have been much over twenty. Slender, brown hair fell in curls down a little past her shoulders. Dark circles making her brown eyes darker. Top heavy.

 

“But mom...”

“No ‘But mom’s’ here young man. Leave him be. He doesn’t need you bothering him.”  

“But Katie said she saw him pull into town and said that he was being followed by Ten coppers!” the excitement in the boys voice reached a climax as he pleaded with his mother. I had only been in town for under an hour. How had I suddenly turned into a criminal.

 

“And what did I tell you about listening to that little girl. She spreads nothing but rumors. And even if she is right, that’s even more reason not to bother him.”

 

I couldn’t help it anymore I let out a deep chuckle that shook my shoulders to the point they hurt. Her eyes looked offended when I could lift myself back up straight. She was finally taking in my appearance, tall with dark shaggy hair long over due for a cut. Dark eyes, with a tanned skin gave me an intimidating image. The t-shirt that clung to my chest and arms from the sweat was showing off the muscles I had gained playing on the towns high school football team to pass the school year by. I could see the mild hint of lust behind her speculation.

 

“Find something funny do ya sir.” She snapped. Sharp to.

“Nothing ma’am. Only that I can assure you I’m not as intimidating as I look. Or is there another reason why you are raking your eyes over my body.”

She turned her eyes away instantly and an innocent blush covered her cheeks as she jerked her son’s arm harder making him know it was time to leave. She stormed away giving me a good image of her hips that swayed back and forth rhythmically. I could see her nudge her son faster into the back seat and flooring her way past me and out of the parking lot. Her son’s face was glued to window as she passed by and I raised my hand in a wave that probably would have looked better in an old cowboy movie. I could see the old man making his way slowly back towards my car. Maybe stopping here wasn’t gonna be such a bad thing after all.

 

Author's Note

My first few chapters are my worst cause i never want to get them done and i just want to skip to the middle and endings. So helping me out with the first few would be great.

Reviews

[Gin Tsubasa]

Six thousand miles and my Ford finally committed its final act of suicide.

[J-Boo]

Oh yeah, and I really like the language - the "...my Ford committed its final act of suicide,' "women varying in shape and size". Very creative and satisfying.

[J-Boo]

So what kind of help are you looking for here? Grammar and stuff too, or no?

As far as the opening chapter of a book, I like it a lot. I think it does a very good job of setting the tone. I really get the feeling of this town. It kind of leaves me with a sense of foreboding and anticipation of what else the town is going to offer.

I guess maybe I could just suggest giving a better sense of the main character. Since it's first person, you could incorporate not only his observations but also how he feels about the things he's seeing and doing. Right now I'm not sure what the narrator is like, what he's about. Except for how he feels about Andy's mom - that was pretty clear! :)

[Sorrow The Dark]

i think its really good the characters are great and it ends well, good flow to the story too well done