Hell Circus

 

 

 

 

 

   It was warm. Warmer than any night in late February should ever be. The tossing wind blew the long curls of my hair back and forth like a friesian horse’s tail. The jacket that hangs open and haphazardly over my thin frame blows open with each step I take. The air, like a thick perfume on my tongue, clinging and hugging the taste buds. A haunting repeating rhythm pours out of the speakers sending waves of chills down my spine with each change in pitch. Around me, others crowd like gazelles on the long grass plains of africa. Timid of every crack of a branch or shadow in the distance, for fear that some predator might come to hunt them. Dim lighting from the stands and in the distance the tents surrounds us, the only thing keeping us from all walking in a state of purgatory. The soft swishing of my jeans sounded loud and harsh against the still hush that danced around us. In the distance, figures danced and twirled around the flaps twisting their hands and curling their fingers so seductive, so enticing. Eyes to the ground....don’t look at them. Those who couldn’t keep their eyes off the spectacle were lured to the tents. 

We lost nine to the first tent. The beast with the painted face opens the flap to usher who came to the first tent. Inside the sound of cries calling out in the dark. Searching, craving for anything to come. We lost eight more when we reached the next tent. Women covered the eyes of their children as wanton creatures seduced all that would move towards them. When the tent flap opened screams, not of fear but of another sort called from the dark. Limbs entwined around each other and glimpses of the most private area’s of flesh when the light we walked by entered through the flaps. The six we lost were stripped before entering, sent in with no barriers. A man’s face shown out as the last member walked through the gates. His body drained down to bone, his ribs only hid behind a thin layer of skin. He dragged himself to those who entered, desperate to run his body over the newest of children to enter. The lower half of his body dragged behind him putrid leaving a trail as if he were some carnal snail. The creatures face clouded the entrance of the tent. My eyes flashed to the ground to not be the next. 

By the time we reached the last two tents we had lost twenty five. Only two, other than myself remained undrawn in by the performing imps standing before the tents. We had passed fiends larger and rounder than any ever seen. Food still dripping from their lips sniffing along those who entered. Those who so consumed themselves with want that mothers sacrificed their children to gain the material needs within the tents, past that we watched as raging creatures beat and battered all those they came in contact with. Beyond that we came across beasts who pulled ropes from their sleeves like scarves to hand to every lost being that came knocking. Inside the smell of putrefaction wafted as the swaying masses that dangled from the ceiling bounced lightly against each other with the breeze. My eyes could only stayed for a minute against the flies that buzzed and whizzed like school children around a new playground.  

The air grew bitter the further along we traveled. Fresh puffs of breath twirled around the three of us as we huddled close clinging like anchors to each other’s coats. Closest to me was a shorter woman. Her pale skin was only blanched more by the blonde hair that clung to her scalp in a tight bun. Her nose was too perfect and her suit immaculate on a thin frame. Her nails remained unchipped no matter how hard she clung to the thick brown material in her hands. The leather of the wallet strained and wrinkled under the force of her white tipped acrylic nails. Every time she would open it I would hope to see a flash of a picture of some family member or even the family pet but was only greeted with a burst of multicolored plastics and papery greens. Directly behind her was an older man. His wrinkles inch up closest to his mouth  and around his hands in deep rivets. His eyes stayed low, like mine, but his fingers twirled a small round button on his jacket. Plastic with bright red and blue background, the gold lettering hidden mostly within the shadowy pathway that we walked through. When he hesitated before one of the previous tents the light revealed only the words Vote For, leaving the second half nameless. 

As the crowd had started to dwindle, I began to ask those around me if they could remember how we had gotten here. Those who did not find themselves dragged off by the next tent would just shake their heads to worried about huddling for warmth against the arctic chill that descended on us in waves. Till only the three of us remained. 

We lost the woman next and then finally my last contact. The final tent loomed over me like a colossal gateway into hell. The coloring was the same the same faded acrylic red and off white stripes that stretch from top to the sweeping material along the ground. However, unlike the rest it was shrouded in silence. No haunting music reached this deep, no demons danced outside its gates. So alike in appearance but different. More majestic in a way--yet more sinister. The cold made my fingers sting as they rubbed together. As my feet carried me closer and closer towards the main tent a quick updraft from the path behind me pushed my hair in front of my eyes, catching on my lips and slapping along my neck. It grew stronger till I was forced to look back. Behind me the mass of a group began to rush towards me. Faster and faster till they surrounded me and pushed me forward, closer and closer to the main tent. The crowed soundless, despite the shuffling of their feet, filed their way around me forming a solid group. I recognized a the faces as those who had filtered off into the tents. Except now their faces were stoic and blank no expression. Their eyes fixated on the tent before us. My breath hitched as I tried to turn away and run or hide among the shadows. Anything to keep me away from that final tent. But the mass packed too tightly. As one solid mass they forced me along the path till soon I found myself on the edges of its entrance. Clumsy against the force of the crowd I stumble to the ground. Shoving my body to the ground I hoped the earth would swallow me into it. Somewhere away from here. The crowd, seemingly unaware of me, filtered around me as if an invisible barrier had been placed in the middle of the entrance splitting the group into two like moses parting the red sea. 

When the last of the mob passed wordlessly into the tent, I rose cautiously to my feet. Gripping the flaps to steady the weak and wobbliness of my legs. My eyes darted between the empty path behind me and the thick material between my fingers. I wanted to run, I wanted to sprint back the path hoping to find whatever portal had landed me here in this place but somehow...my feet refused to turn back. No matter loud my mind screamed to turn the other way! To run while there was time. My feet refused to listen and pulled me forward. The soft material of the flaps swished closed behind me making a sound that reminds me of the final deathly swoop of a guillotine. The room was dark and my eyes took a few minutes to adjust to the dim lighting. In the center of the room a single spot light played along the center ring. Everyone who had entered before me had found their way into a seat, their faces covered in shadow yet all facing with attention fixated on the center stage. Small, narrow steps separated the endless sea of bodies. No movement, no twitch of life came from the crowd, till slowly a gentle wisp of smoke curled around the ring. 

It curled upwards like a tornado, quick and deadly. A small bright spark flew from the ground causing me to wince at the brightness but as the harshness of the flare lessoned, a figure took its place center stage where the smoke had previously filled. His bow was graceful and trained as he bowed at the waist. He lifted his hat as he bowed as if to appear like a gentleman. The crowd erupted in a uniform applause, not one out of beat with the other as he curled himself out of his stance. The hat, which would have been too large to be worn by any normal man perched easily on his head like a crown of pure gold. His movements around the stage were intricate and precise. At the end of each stunt he would stop, bow and pull down his hat and they would clap again. Terror rushed trough me like fire warming the chill my body had previously felt. Many of the creatures I had seen outside along the other tents came in to join the ringleader and his hat in the ring and twirled and writhed around in a sort of choreographed pattern. Soon they separated themselves among the small rows and began to immerse themselves among the crowd. As they slowly slithered towards me I could not stop the horrific scream that erupted from my throat. 

“Stay away from me!” I screamed as one of the creatures curled its way closer towards me. 

My voice was squeaky from fear and its pitch a higher soprano than I remembered it ever being. The spotlight traveled till it landed on me as a sea of eyes washed over me. My sudden outburst made me the fixation of the crowd’s attention. The humans, the creatures and the ring leading demon turned to stare all quietly assessing my trembling frame. Backing up slowly my back hit the flaps of the exit I had previously entered. With a whoosh the ringleader twirled around those on the stairs till he stood just inches away from me. He moved with such an inhuman grace till I could see the trimmings of his outfit, see the rich darkness of his eyes, and smell the pungent scent of sulfur on his clothes. His breath hit me like an ice bath and coated me in a frigid chill. He quickly removed his hat and bounced it lightly on my head in a playful manner. His eyes wide, and haunting, drilled holes into my corneas. 

“What….do you want with me?” was all I could say. It sounded pathetic, even to my own ears. And soon a small grin spread over his face revealing teeth slightly pointed yet not long enough to be fangs. He placed his hat over my hands making sure my hands never touched the edges and soon a warm humming sensation covered my fingertips down to my wrists making it numb. His grin spread ear to ear as he began to pull the hat away. When he once again had the hat perched on his head, he leaned close to my ear and whispered “Got your hands.” 

 

  Confused, I looked down and let out a gut deep scream. Where my hands had been were nothing but deformed stubs. A clumsy nob that my mind took a few moments to register what it was seeing used to be human flesh.  The ringleader with his hat bowed dropping his hat with him low to the ground having the crowd once again erupt into a uniform clap that pierced my ears. Horrified, I lifted the stubs towards my face as tears blur my vision. As the ringleader returns to the center stage he cracks the whip that had been previous unused on his hip and the creatures sprung back to life. At the final clap of the whip in the air sounded the stubs began to reform themselves back into hands. Running them softly over my face I wiped away the tears letting me see once more. An illusion, of course it couldn’t be anything more than some parlor trick. Quicker now the creatures traveled up the stairs towards me as I turned to run from the tent that entrapped me. The flaps swing back and forth behind me as I rush through them. As I look back I see that at the edge of the tent stands the ringleader seemingly unable to pass past the edge, trapped in his icy fortress. But soon his creatures race past him with speed that makes them seem as if they are floating on air. The hammering of my heart pounds so loud  in my head its all I can hear. Their cackles and laughs become louder and louder and I know they are catching up to me. I push my feet faster and faster along the path that had lead me to this place. Past the tents now abandoned and quiet as everyone sat quietly within the main tent. 

The shortest of the creatures brought me down. Wrapping around my legs it dragged me down hard onto the gravel pathway. I felt the harsh rocks leave small rivers of cuts along my skin and dirt mixing with the blood that flowed from them. The one who brought me down lifted his fingers along those small rivers taking a small sampling up to his lips where he sucked the blood off his fingers as a dying man gulps water in the dessert. And soon the rest crashed on my like waves. They tore at my clothes ripping and tearing. I struggled to make them stop but nothing stopped them! Darker and darker it got as they blocked out all the light and soon there was nothing but darkness. The last thing I heard was the soft chuckling of a man in the distance. 

The show began. Wild and strange creatures crossed the stage, gymnasts performed tricks on the high wire as the clown faced creatures danced about the crowd. All the while the ringleader sat. Perched high on the center stage with his doll on his lap. Human, lifelike with feminine features. The long blonde hair fell against its shoulders and swirled around as the ringleaders hands forced it into motion. As the others came to a finale he tipped his hat in a quick bow. The crowd gave its final clap as he placed the hat on the ventriloquist dummies head. And with a snap of his fingers the single spot light went dark.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think

Reviews

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

Oh my goodness. What do you mean that you do not have the ending yet? It is perfect. The story is brilliant and I see what you mean about poetry not really being your thing. Your poems were good but this story is awesome. I do not know if you wanted any help in the typo department but it is kindof a habit of mine and it makes me feel like I am actually helping if I point them out. Especially the ones that do not show up with spell check.
So here is what I noticed and you can do what you want with it.

"of a mother with one to many children to pay attention to"

Should be 'one too many children'

"but I could see them al staring at the center stage in such amusement."

'all'

" The hat I thought to large to be worn by any man perched easily on his head like a crown of pure gold."
'The hat, I thought 'too' large to be wornby any man, perched easily on his head...' I believe it should be separated with commas.

"He would stop pull down his hat and they would clap again.
'He would stop, pull down his hat and they would clap again.' I am not sure about this one but it does seem to need at least one comma. You are the one in a writing class so you may know better.

"Together, uniform, the uniqueness, and individuality completely drained from their bodies."
This sentence should not have a comma after uniqueness. You usually do not have a comma and the word 'and' together.

" The man with the hat. "
This is not a sentence and may need to be combined with the sentence before or after it. or maybe just use it in the next sentence and remove the 'He'. Or just put "It was the man in the hat."


"I was wondering how long you were stay sleeping"
'would stay sleeping'

"Yeah bad dreams, nearly started to convulse in your bed you did. "

I would separate this into two or three sentences. It doesn't matter that they wouldn't be true sentences because they are actual quotes of what she said. The subjects are then implied.
"Yeah, bad dreams. Nearly started to convulse in your bed you did.

I hope that you do not take any offence to my critique. I only do that because I myself appreciate when people point those things out to me.
Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed the story very much and I believe you will get and excellent grade.
Love All, Mejasha

[J. Marc]

Excellent story! Very well written in the sense that one reads it from beginning to the end without interruption. And with thrills!!!

The subject has indeed already been treated but your originality lies in the sequencing of the events and the very witty sentences (like "Children varying in size, color, age, and annoyance" or "He curled himself out of his stance on one foot in a move that would have made any well trained ballerina green with envy.). Maybe add some more of those in the section where there are many dialogues.

Some other reviewers might suggest that the balance between narration and dialogue be not so evident, dividing the story into two. I would just suggest (if need be) that you could add more descriptions about the physical surroundings of the main character in other to fudge powerful mental images into the mind of the readers. Just suggestions.

Overall: good introduction, very good creation of an atmosphere, excellent development of the subject and overall, perfect cohesion of the story. Also thank you for not putting blood scene everywhere. It has become a disease with some other writers in this forum!

A couple of very minor typing errors:
Warmer then should be warmer than
half hazardly s.b. half haphazardly
with one to many children s.b. with one too many children
other then where I was s.b. other than where I was
A hat to large to s.b. A hat too large to
I thought to large to be worn s.b. I thought too large to be worn
more soprano then I s.b. more soprano than I
smell of sulphur s.b. smell of sulphur
buzz then a person's s.b. buzz than a person's

[Sorrow The Dark]

i can see why it has good reviews, it is really good the story flows at a nice pace, it has a alice in wonderland feel to it i think, but all in all good job a very well written piece of art.

welcome to the cafe too (in case nobody else has already said welcome)