Sunrise, Sunset

 

I see the sunrise and fall on my life.

It goes by so quickly;

All the things that could’ve been

Or that I could’ve done;

Things that could’ve gone differently.

Life is like a river flowing by,

You have to get on the boat

And go down stream

Before it passes you by

And you miss out on everything.

Always trying to make the right decision

In order to fulfill my life;

Making sure that boat doesn’t pass me by

One too many times;

Smile and live life

Hoping to make a difference.

I sit here watching the sunrise on a new day,

Full of hope and aspiration;

Contemplating what the day might bring;

Hoping it’ll bring only good.

I’m still watching the river,

Trying to figure out which boat to jump on next,

But I don’t know where any of them will lead me.

I guess that’s the chance of life.

I see the sun rise and fall on my life.

It goes by oh so quickly.

Reviews

[julian3]

The body of the poem expresses the uncertainty common to most of us, especially in the earlier years; but the opening lines, and their mirror in the final lines, are strongly reminiscent of the words of a death poem in haiku - I cannot recall if it was by Basho or someone a bit earlier - which said, in paraphrase, sun rises and falls, moon comes and goes, death follows life and it all is a dream.

[Passingdaze]

It sure does...In the blink of an eye it can vanish forever. We have to hold true to the things that make us who we really are.

[Passingdaze]

Wow this is beautiful. Great writing makes you thin and conveys raw emotion,that's all presented here. Be very proud of this writing (and all of your writing),your talent is top-notch.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

While I understand the premise of the piece, I think the structure of the poem was repetitive in verbalization and redundant in thought. For example: you have the word "could've" three times in the first verse alone. I think this might have had more impact written differently. Something like this perhaps.


I see the sun rise and fall on my life.

It goes by so quickly.

All the things that could have been

I have left undone

Forever changing the course of my life.


Just my thoughts.

[Beatrice Boyle (Grandm..]

Hi Sarah...this waas a lovely, introspecitive piece.

Oh to be young again and comtemplate my choices! But youth is the time to take chances...you will have the rest of your life to regroup and try again...none of us have a crystal ball of where our lives will be taking us...so..you roll the dice and go with the flow!

Bea

[Bran the Broken]

Nice. Wistful.

[Kiara]

amazing write!:)
your poetry is expressed so very well
and I can feel the sadness and hope in this moving piece
-arabella

[Wunderlich]

This is written well. The opening stanza sets it up nicely, and the second stanza's extended simile is executed well, especially how it remains throughout the poem. Overall I find this to be a good poem, and I can think of no improvements regarding how it is written.

[Tina Kline]

I get the feeling of a little sadness in this poem as well as hope.
Wanting to take the risks as chances come our way yet
worried if they are right ones or if we're letting to many chances go
by. A very well written poem and
gripping as well. I enjoyed my several times reading it.

Tina