The Untold Story of Quasar Prologue

Aislinn Walker doesn't know what she's getting herself into as she asks her friend, Justice, to bring an antique Witch board to her welcome home party. Aislinn and her high school buddies, as well as a few new friends, learn a dark secret about their home

 

Prologue

Aislinn Walker sits in her chair, looking out the window at the campus down below.  She pulls her long golden brown hair back into a ponytail and stands up.  Her brown eyes sparkle as she smiles and looks at her dorm mate, Justice.

“I can’t believe the year is over.”  Aislinn says.

“I know what you mean, but we’ll see each other during the summer at least.”  Justice says.

Justice’s short spunky black hair moves with her.  She stands tall, looking down on Aislinn as she smiles back.  The two are opposites in many ways, but this year a bond has formed between them, one that cannot be broken easily.

Aislinn gets up and hugs Justice.

“Oh I can’t wait for you to meet everyone.  Don’t forget to bring the Ouija board.”  Aislinn says.

“You mean Witch Board and of course I won’t forget.”

“What’s the difference between a Witch Board and an Ouija Board anyways?”

“It’s a different type of Ouija and has existed before then.  Mine is homemade by a witch.  An Ouija is bought in a store.  The name Ouija is a trademark Parker Brothers uses. Also Witch Boards are made for a specific purpose.”

“Ah okay, what purpose is yours made for?” 

“Not sure, mom would never tell me.  She was always afraid of it.”

“Hmm, interesting.” Aislinn says.

“Anyways, who all is coming to this thing?”

“Um yeah, God everyone will be there probably.  I know Deirdre and Desmond will be coming.  Oh and Jonathan too.  I think you’ll hit it off really well with Jonathan.”  Aislinn pauses for a second.  “Besides that I don’t know exactly.  Those are the main three I want you to meet.”

“Cool.  What about Jay?”  Justice says.

“Umm well I don’t know.  I didn’t really invite him.  Most of my friends aren’t very happy with him right now.”  Aislinn says.

“Why?  You guys broke up, but it was your choice too.  Do your friends not understand that?”

“I think they think it was all, his fault.  They haven’t trusted him since Deirdre.  Plus my friends are a little over protective of me, especially Jonathan.  He’s like my big brother.”

A knock comes from the door.  Justice opens it.  The RA stands in the doorway.

“Your rides here Justice.”  The girl says and then walks away.

Justice sighs.  “Well I guess it’s time for me to go then.  Oh I can’t wait to see you again.  Just don’t forget to get everything on the list I gave you.  It’s very important.”

Aislinn nods.  “I understand.”

She runs to Justice—who now has her bag over her shoulder—and gives her a hug.  Both girls squeal with joy as they say goodbye to each other.

Reviews

[Dark-skinned warrior]

The first thing I noticed about this is you've written it in the present tense. If you've done this on purpose and with good reason then fair enough but if not I would strongly advise transferring it into past tense, simply because that fits in much better with the telling of a story.

This has most of what I'd expect from this type of prologue; giving the reader a sense of what kind of world the story takes place in and an introduction to something which to the characters may just be a part of their lives but to the reader it is probably more. What I would suggest though is to work through the speech; some of it feels a bit less like how they would actually talk and more like it's just providing information. Speech is often the hardest part of writing (at least I've found it to be), what works for me is reading speech out loud and seeing if it sounds and feels right, if it really portrays what I want it to about the characters and the story; remember, in novels speech is almost the only way the reader can 'get to know' the characters, and if they feel they can't do that at the start they won't read much of it.

I see there are 3 chapters so far; I don't have time now but I'll have a read at some point soon and if what I've said here has been useful to you I'll happily review them too.