arrows

  My heart's a shield for those whose piercing arrows feel. With each new arrow I feel less pain and maybe even count as gain. If cupids bow should mischief seek leave those alone whose hearts are weak.

Reviews

[Betty]

Ah, Cupid and his arrows :) A creative writing indeed... "If cupids bow should mischief seek,
leave those alone whose hearts are weak." My favorite line.

[Tomahawk Joe]

Thank you for your review it's always nice to be appreiated

[Sami Khalil]

A very good poem...Thank you for posting...:)

[Tomahawk Joe]

thank you for reviewing

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[SteveB]

Well done with strong internal rhyme and a lovely mood being set. But again I have to say that this could be improved with line breaks to adhere to a poetic form rather than straight prose. I love the analogy of heart as a shield and just wish it had stood alone on a line to be appreciated more.
You have strong images and great instincts

[Brianna Brie]

Yup, Cupid has been at it again. Why can't he stay out of mischief? This is a great little piece. It packs a lot of punch. I do agree, however, that breaking it up would lend more to poetry. Unless of course, your style is prose poetry. Either way it is quite artistic. Welcome to the world of poetry.

[Tomahawk Joe]

thank you for the review

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I love the story of Cupid...very interesting mythology between he and Venus. The last line of this is fantastic..."If cupid's bow should mischief seek leave those alone whose hearts are weak."--very nicely worded. I do wonder, however, if this might have slightly more impact in a more traditional "form"...
Something like:

My heart is a sheild
for those whose
peircing arrows feel.

With each new arrow,
I feel less pain, and
maybe
even count as gain.

If Cupid's bow should mischieft
seek, leave those alone
whose hearts are weak.

Just a thought...I'm rambing here. An interesting read that I quite enjoyed.

[TrimarcoRansome]

Wow, another belter! When Cupid pulls back his bow, we all cower in the corner but if that arrow is for you my friend there is no hiding!!

[Tomahawk Joe]

thank you for the review

[papaed]

Well expressed. Keep that heart-shield strong until an arrow that you can't resist comes along, then open it with abandon. Peace.

[Tomahawk Joe]

thank you for the review

[Jane P.]

Ohhhh this is lovely! The content is very intriguing and well written - you have clearly thought deeply about what you are writing. I love the small elements of rhyme and other poetic techniques, they really help establish the flow and pace of the piece.

However, I do feel that you could make this more powerful by breaking up the structure. If you made each sentence a new line, it would heighten the emotional impact on the reader, and obviously it would be more visually appealing to your audience. "cupids" should generally be capitalised, or at least needs a possessive apostrophe to be "Cupid's" (denoting that he is the owner of the bow). Also, I was a little confused by the final line, so maybe a comma should be used to break it up. Either after 'seek' or 'alone' I would assume.

Otherwise, a very lovely piece! It has a nostalgic, almost mythological feel to it, which I find quite entrancing. Beautiful imagery, well done!

[Tomahawk Joe]

thank you for the review. I'm fairly new to poetry so I welcome all the advice I can get.