Lost Again

Prompt: Week 3

Lost Again

by:  Renay Marsh

 

Poor Henry had never been very good with directions.  His mother alsways said that his head must stay above the water, for he was always getting lost.  Ever since he was a little whale he had been getting distracted and turning, or not turning sometimes, in the wrong direction.  I wasn't really his fault, you see Henry just loved looking at the clouds when he came up for air and while swimming along through the deep blue ocean waters he thought about all the different shapes.

 

Today was the firest time he had taken the trip by himself, being a grown up whale and all.  When the time came for a break and fresh air the clouds were so very white and fluffy, he saw so many shapes.  Since there wasn't anyone to tell him it was time to go he stayed on the surface looking at the clouds longer than he should have.

 

"Get out the way!"  called out a huge ocean liner full of passengers.  "Coming through."

 

"Oh my, so sorry."  Replied a starled Henry.  "I must get out of the way!"

 

Diving deep down into the blue ocean water Henry swam harder and fster than he had ever swam before.  When he fianlly came back up for air he had no idea where he was.  Having been so scared by the ocean liner he had forgot to pay attention to where he was going and had even forgot about the shapes in the clouds. 

 

Oh dear, thought poor Henry.  I'm really lost now.  How am I going to find my way?

 

He turned left, then turned right.  Nothing but flat blue water.  He was in a real pickled herring mess now.

 

"Hello there Mr. Whale."  A voice called from up above.  "Haven't seen you around these parts before."

 

The voice came from the white sea gull that was circling over him.

 

"Oh.  Thank Neptune!"  Cried out Henry, glad to have some company.

 

"Can you help me?  I'm afraid I got myself lost again."

 

"Lost?  Why were are you supposed to be?"

 

"I'm supposed to be up north around the ice for the big reunion.  But got in the way of an ocean liner.  Now I'm off course."

 

The seafull just flew over Henry for a few minutes, circling several times.  Contemplating the situation.  Finally, he made up his mind.

 

"You seem to be a nice mannered whale, even if you are lost.  So yes, I will help you."

 

"Oh Thank You!"  Henry was so relieved that he let out a huge jet of water that went 15 feet up into the air.

 

"Hey!  Watch it.  will ya?"  exclaimed the seagull as it got hit with Henry's jet of water, landing on Henry to dry off.

 

It was a few minutes before the bird could take off.  He showed Henry the way north ot the ice.  Flying, gliding and a few times taking a ride on Henry's back.

 

When they were near to the ice he left Henry.

 

"Its been a nice adventure with ya Henry.  If you get lost again let me know."  Then off he went.

 

"Bye.  Thank you for your help."  Henry called out to him.  He sure was a nice seagull.

 

Henry let out another jet of water in celebration of making it to the big reunion on time.

 

 

 

Author's Note

This was wrote for the weekly writing prompt. Please let me know what you think about it. It is only by finding out what needs improvement that my writing can become better. Thanks.

Reviews

[Ravyne Hawke]

This is an adorable story.. with a few tweaks here and there, you could probably sell the idea to Disney.. seriously. Everyone likes a cute story about sea creatures and the like. Check your spelling.. there are several misspelled words. Other than that, a delight to read, great characters and Henry is just so adorable!

[traveling mind]

i love the childrens story and yes like others have mentioned a short pixar movie is easily seen. you have a gift keep writing, have you ever thought about a follow up to this story like a new adventure for the whale? maybe with the bird again or by himself, or with a new friend? it is easy to see a contuation. i like the cheeriness, the colorful detail to his feelings and how he made friends with a bird who helped him out, we as writers us n many others have a tendency to write deeply and this was refreshing to read.

[Renay]

Thanks for all of the advice that was given. Now, just have to go back and do a lot revising. :)

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

This was cute. I can imagine it as a short Pixar movie. :) Like the reviewers before me mentioned, though, there were a few minor spelling and grammar mistakes that detracted from the tale a bit. Also, after Henry met the seagull, the story really seemed to speed up. The ending felt very rushed to me. I know that I sometimes struggle with that, also.

"I wasn't really his fault, you see Henry just loved looking at the clouds when he came up for air and while swimming along through the deep blue ocean waters he thought about all the different shapes." --> "It wasn't really his fault; (or period) you see, Henry just loved looking [maybe you could say 'gazing' for a little more vivid word choice] at the clouds when he came up for air, (inserted comma) and while swimming along through the deep blue ocean, (inserted comma) he thought [maybe you could say 'daydreamed'] about all the different shapes."

[Penulis Kecil]

Definitely a cute little story! As someone else mentioned, there are a lot of spelling, typing, grammatical and punctuation errors that need fixing, but it doesn't need a huge amount of tweaking or overhauling.

Likeable characters, a simple & easy to follow story line, appropriate language: I think you've got the makings of an adorable children's story here.

[Jake Staffeld]

There are a few unnecessary new paragraphs, a couple misspelled words (like ot instead of to, or firest instead of first), and you're also missing a word here and there. These are all minor problems, easy to fix. As far as the story goes, it's nice and light, and it made me laugh a bit too.