Lamb's Blood

Just something I wrote

Lamb’s Blood

 

One. Two. Three shots were fired.  That’s all it took. The blood oozing from where Natashia had been hit. She collapsed onto the floor. Her hand covered with her blood. I ran to her, and held her.

“Stay with me. Stay with me. I’m gonna get you some help ok?” I said

I looked at her wound. Right at her stomach “The baby. . .” I said.

“Andrew,” she said.

I looked at her, my eyes were watering “It’s okay we can get through this. We can get through this.”

“Andrew,” she repeated, using her free clean hand to place hers on his “I’m not gonna make it.”

“Natashia, don’t say that. You don’t know that. You’re gonna make it. You’re gonna make it.”

 

“You know I love you”

“Always,” I said. She smiled at me, and looked at her stomach and then at me again.

I set her down, and watched her close her eyes and listened to her breathing stop. I breathed into her, I did my best to keep her alive. I tried to start her heart, eventually paramics arrived. They took her away from me, I collaspsed crying into the shoulder of my sister Anne who arrived with them.  I knew everything was over. All we had worked all.

All of the pieces that we thought were coming together…only to fall apart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Andrew?”

I was twisting my ring, I just stared at it. I was back in my old room. The room, I barely remembered.  I had no memory of my childhood or how I grew up. But the simple touch of things, was enough.

I looked at her. I didn’t remember my sister either. But I pretended like I did. “Yes Anne?”

“Mom and Dad want to talk to you,”

I followed her down the stairs into the kitchen. There they were sitting at the kitchen table. As I took my place, I could a familiarity. As if we had done this before. Anne went back upstairs. I looked at them.

My father looked at my mother before looking at me.

“It’s been a tough year,” he began. “We’ve struggled finacailly, and we. . .your mother’s near death experience, but it’s also been a wonderful year. We finally have you back with us. You were. . .married,”

My mother held back sobs. He looked at her then at me “We loved Natashia. Andrew, I’m sorry for all that’s happened.  I know how you feel. Even though your mother is here with us, I know that feeling.”

I was staring at the table, my nose sniffled a little.

“Andrew?”

“She was pregnant,” I blurted.

I looked at them. They stared at me. “She was about a month along we weren’t gonna say anything til later. But she was pregnant, and (HE) shot her. Right at her stomach. Just shot her.  I did everything I could you know? Everything. And it still wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough,”

I started crying right in front of them. They came closer to me patted me on the back comforting me.  

Author's Note

I wrote this while listening to Bon Iver's song "Wash"

Reviews

[RoxelanasDream]

I love how you titled this. Devastation to loss of both his unborn child and wife. Also, I like how you switched from one scenario to another giving it how the situation basically is, abrupt especially how anything could be taken away so quickly. "Right at her stomach." Rather than the mom, I saw the unborn child more as the victim with this part.

[Aly]

Thank you! Indeed it is a loss to anyone who loses someone due to a murder. But thank you for the great insight! :)

[Skye]

Well, I will admit that from the tital I imagined something different. But, it doesn't matter, it's so sad, so heartbreaking, its amazing what I mind will come up with when we least expect it.

[Aly]

Thank you.

[disheveledApathy]

Beautiful, completely heartbreaking . This story perfectly portrays the fragility of human life. I hope you will follow through with a sequel (more on Andrew's background, maybe?).

[Aly]

Hopefully someday I can tell the story of Andrew's background. :)
Because I am as curious.

[quinfinn]

i love this piece of writing. it is all too close to reality for me, but i loved the raw honesty and grittiness herein. i know, all too well, about losing a loved one to murder. but that is my story and this one is yours so...well done, writer.

[Aly]

Thank you. This just came to me, but thanks so much.

[quinfinn]

you are indeed welcome!

[Colt 45 & 9/16]

That's some real, nitting gritting stuff. Its very topical on everyone's mind.
The long space between the two characters points of view really interesting and unsettling. Like an empty unclear awkward still in the situation as it shifts That how it came across to me, and I think i'd like use such a break in my own writing for simular effect
thanks for sending.

Is this a segment of, or a short story?

[Aly]

Well I have no idea. If I do ever get the chance to I hope that Andrew's story will be 2 books. But hopefully someday I get to tell it. As of now I can't. I have writer's block or as I like to think of it "My imaginery friends don't feel talking right now"

[s y e]

Wow. Is this the story you sent me?
This was really good. I can't imagine losing a child, that would be horrific!!! Also, the loss of the child AND wife.

Well done! Very nice.

[Aly]

No the story I sent you was a different one.
Thank you.

[s y e]

Oh I see.
Welcome!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

The story starts in an interesting way and the title is intruging. It literally starts in a dramatic way and but lost me as there is no description of the context of the shooting. Andrew is right there but why is he not affraid of the gunman? It leaves a hole that loses the reader because it begs too many questions

“Andrew,” she repeated, using her free clean hand to place hers on his “I’m not gonna make it.”
This changes the person as he is describing the scene so it should be 'on mine'?

He makes no attempt to get the help he said he would?

How did anne suddenly arrive with the paramedics?

'All we had worked all.' This phrsae has no meaning.

Why has his memory suddenly gone? I am guessing post stress amneisia?

'my nose sniffled a little.' Noses don't sniffle people do.

“and (HE) shot her. Right at her stomach.' Why the parentheses in a story and surely in her stomach?

The story could be gripping but its vagueness (which can be used in some context to keep the mystery) was too much.

Think it could do with reworking a little.

[Aly]

Well when I wrote this it just came to mind. I didn't know everything right away. I don't know how anne suddenly arrived I guess he called her right before everything happened. I'm not entirely sure this scene just came to mind. I didn't really think it out. All we had worked all was orginally suppose to be All we had worked for but i miss typed.

If I do make this a book we'll find out why his memory is gone. But throughout Andrew's life or well story he never gets his memory back he just knows it's gone.

When I wrote (HE) I didn't have a name for the Gunman. So I just wrote He since it was a male.

It was just something I wrote. But I have no idea if I'll ever be able to tell Andrew's story.

[Mir]

I think this could turn into a lovely story if you add like a prologue and a couple beginning/introductory chapters. But whether you do or not, this is a great write! You could feel the emotion in the flashback/memory of Andrew! And The title fits so perfectly!

[Aly]

Thank you! I love the title. I wanted to somehow show that the wife and child were pure and innocent in a way and were sacrficed in a way. Therefore the title "Lamb's Blood" thanks! Hopefully I'll be able to someday tell Andrew's story.