Dinner with Strangers

Just some fun dialogue between strangers getting ready for a birthday dinner. A little bit weird, but also a little bit fun.

              Dinner with Strangers…

 

              PART 1

 

              “Do you remember the Blockbuster video stores?” I asked, thumbing through my phone, searching eagerly for the best devil horned emoji, or perhaps a smiling googly eyed t**d.  So many choices were available for my coveted inner soul.  Not the outer one, though.  That one was too busy stalking ex-girlfriends across the entirety of the social media board, making sure not to pass go, of course.  I wasn’t greedy.  And there was not yet a proper emoji to display the disdain I had for the all. 

              “I sort of remember Blockbuster, but I was really little.”

              “I hated the fact that they never sold porn.  It used to really bother me, like a strange morality code or something.  Ya, but it’s okay to charge me like twenty dollars in late fees for Home Alone 2?  The morality code on that one just seems a little flawed.”

              “Is Home Alone 2 the one where he went to New York?”

              “It sucked, I had to go to an entirely different video store to get my porn.  Obviously, this was before the overabundance of pornography on the interweb.  And yes, it’s the one where Macaulay Culkin went to New York.”

              “Nobody calls it ‘interweb’, you do know that, right?  I mean, sarcastically of course, like something the old lady from the Where’s the Beef commercials would say if she were sitting in front of a computer for the first time.  I watch those commercials on Youtube all the time.”

              “When Blockbuster first started to go under, I danced around in my living room naked.  Granted, my stomach was full of several magical brownies, and I had just broken up with my girlfriend, and my cat had just died, well, it wasn’t mine exactly, it was my neighbor’s cat, but I fed it, so, basically it was mine.”

              “I’m more of a dog person.”

              “I hate dogs!  And I hate Bertha for leaving me!”

              “Your ex-girl's name was Bertha?  Just curious, was she fat?  It sounds like a very fat kind of name.  Like a lot of baggy sweatpants, crying spanx, large tent-like dresses, oh ya, and a huge mole or birthmark on her face.  Was she that kind of fat?"

               "Nice to see that the next generation is kinder than the last."

               "I don't get it."

               “Do people really not call in the ‘interweb’ anymore?”

              “Maybe in like the early nineties, but even then I think most people still called it the ‘internet’, unless you were like really old, like thirty.”

              “Thirty is old?”

              “Well, not forty old, but close.”

              “I’m almost forty.”

              “I’m so sorry.  My condolences.”

              “I’m not dead.”

              “But very close.”

              “Now, Red Box, I love.  It’s cheaper, don’t have to deal with people, it’s almost perfect.”

              “They still charge for late fees, and, still no porn.”

              “You make a very valid point, thank you.  By the way, my name is Adam.”

              “My name is Eve.”

              “We’re like a Bible couple.”

              “I don’t get it.”

              “You know, Adam and Eve -- the Bible?”

              “Never heard of it.  Is it on YouTube?”

              “How old are you?”

              “Just turned eighteen.”

              “Wow, that seems like a lifetime ago.”

              “Do people of your age always use the women’s bathroom?”

              “What’s wrong with the women’s bathroom?”

              “Well, you’re a guy, so…”

              “Oh ya, I could see how that could be weird for you.  I just like to use the women’s bathroom, it’s always much cleaner.  Especially after I’ve had Indian food.  I really don’t like to use the men’s bathroom in an Indian restaurant.”

              “Ya, but we’re in an Olive Garden.”

              “Very true.  It must just be all the breadsticks then.”

              “Do you always talk to people while you’re taking a s**t?”

              “Sometimes.  But not often enough to be a considered a crazy person.”

              “I think that might be debatable.”

              “So, why are you here tonight?  Special occasion?”

              “It’s my mom’s birthday.”

              “That’s cool.  I’m here for a birthday, too.  I got here kinda early, had a few too many drinks, and some breadsticks, and then, well, you know the then part.”

              “So, who is your birthday for?”

              “An ex-girlfriend.  We dated a long time ago.  I think I was your age back then, eighteen or nineteen.”

              “Bertha?”

              “Not that ex-girlfriend.  But thanks for paying attention.”

              “Then who?”

              “Her name is Debra.”

              “My mom’s name is Debra.”

              “Well, this may or may not be awkward then.  Depending of course on if your mom is the same Debra that I used to sleep with.”

              “You slept with my mom!”

              “I don’t know.  Let’s wait till we get out to see.  I’m still working through some stuff here, so the sounds might start to get a little strange, so don’t judge me.”

              “I think it’s a little too late for that,” she said, flushing the toilet.  “See you out there.”

              …

             

             

             

             

             

             

             

             
             

             

             

Reviews

[ANTO]

I liked this Clint. I laughed hard when it became obvious that he was shitting in the ladies and not phased by it having a convo with the girl in an adjacent cubicle. Yeah the aftermath of this conversation I would love to bear witness to but not really because it really made my cringe-glands flare up.

[Clint Robert Collins]

Thank you. It was just something I did for fun. I'm glad you liked the humor :)

[Taylor]

Yes, this is weird and for me, not quite the fun you imagine. It begins very slowly -- all the dialogue about Blockbuster, Home Alone, etc. My guess (from my own reaction) is that the reader feels a bit disoriented, a bit anchorless since the narrator has given no guideposts, just dumped the reader into somewhere with unidentified people who are carrying on only a mildly interesting conversation. The piece picks up when you get to the staccato dialogue. Not sure at all that the piece works, only because even in that dialogue the humor is not honed as sharply as at least for me it needs to be. Having said all that, it is clear that you can write dialogue, which is a major accomplishment, not in any way to be underestimated. Maybe I'll check something else out that you've written to see if that is more appealing.