Off to Who Knows Where

I wrote this one after an amazing night out with my friends. :]

Spinning in a ring of light

Silk swirls as we dance through the night

Feet thumping lightly as we begin our flight

And head off to who knows where.

 

Keeping our distance but not keeping our eyes

Thoughts like roller-coasters doing loops in our minds

Nothing we do is really right

As we stand on the dance floor we share.

 

Spinning, twirling, laughing as we fall down

Listening to all the musical sounds

That beat and pound away at our chests

And make our hearts pound like were piling on bets

 

Laughing as were taking this chance

Lights flashing and blinding as we take on this dance

Caught in the moment and caught in this trance

And head off to who knows where.

Reviews

[Althelia Marie Caine]

I feel like there is much joy and fivolity in this work. Living in that joyful moment and not caring about anything else at that time. Nothing is better than living in the little moments.

[shoaib]

great work with this !

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I like this poem. It is written to refer to where they might be going physically that night, but also perhaps where they were going on a larger scale. Perhaps where they are going in life. One thing ... I wish that you had punctuated this poem more extensively because it was a bit difficult to read. Since you wrote the poem, you hear it perfectly in your mind's ear because you know exactly how it's supposed to sound. I really struggled to read the poem because I did not know where the stops and pauses were supposed to be. A common misconception is that the end of a line indicates a pause in a poem. This is not the case and so, we the reader REALLY need punctuation to know how you want us to read your poem. Think of it as a road map.

[Silent Knight]

Very nice. I like the message.

[☯]

I really liked this! An amazingly portrayed poem. I love the suspicion and the bit of magic in this. I can feel the laid back feeling and the flow of this really well. Great write! :)

[Prairieauthor1]

Ooh, I like it. Yep, that captures the prom experience. Good job! Keep it up!

[Tasha]

" and make our hearts pound like were piling on bets ". I loved that, you did a really good job Maddie.