A Shared Illusion

She stood, stiffly, a monument to strained poise, staring wonderingly at the skyscraper- the monster of steel and glass that would soon consume her. She took a step forward, unconsciously grinding her shoe against the sidewalk with which she would soon be pressed against as though it were a lover that had been absent for eons, and had suddenly returned.
 Her grey eyes glazed over as the thought left her, and her mind wandered to that which she had set out this morning to do. Her thoughts shied away from the word "suicide"- it was more of a freedom, flying, like drinking the sky.
 Suddenly, she became aware of the New York faces that rushed past her, and she lifted a delicate ivory hand to the stainless-steel handle of the door that would lead her into the building- lead her to her meaning.
 She smiled politely as she stepped onto the glowing tile of the lobby, and offered a quiet "hello" to the secretary behind a large marble desk. Her teeth were white and her eyes desperate, as the secretary scowled and showed that she had no time for friendliness, as she watched the frantic woman boarding an elevator.
 "I'm Laurel". She introduced herself shyly to the only other passenger. He had thick eyebrows under which rested curious eyes, and they surveyed her slowly,up and down. He noticed her tousled brown hair, and her white cotton dress that clearly and sensually revealed all that lay beneath the thin fabric. He stared with a hunger that showed it had been to long since he had been with a woman, but masked it quickly as he looked at her round face which would have been ugly if not for the large, individualistic glasses she wore.
 He tore his eyes away from her, and stepped off of the elevator without responding to her, leaving her alone as the metal doors closed and she was left with a reflection she would never be satisfied with.
 Her fragile smile splintered as she experienced the strange, almost weightless sensation as the elevator climbed higher and higher, finally stopping at her floor- the top floor- as her tears slowly started. They stopped quickly as she trudged up a flight of stairs and onto the rooftop, and her eyes suddenly sparkled with happiness and leftover tears as she surveyed the city below her.
  Her steps were trembling as she struggled across the gravel sprinkled across the flat roof, and her high heels wobbled as she finally reached the ledge.
  She stood stark against the sky, with just enough ind to stir her long brown hair into an ever changing frenzy. She stood with strong legs spread apart, showing the city that she wore nothing under the thin fabric of her dress- expecting them to want her as the man in the elevator had wanted her. She felt the eyes forty stories below, raping her. She grinned and blushed and leaped into the sky.
 She saw the blue tinged with smog, as though the sky had leprosy. She saw the cotton of her dress billowing with her storm of hair. She saw the pavement whistling toward her and thought; "I didn't want to die. I just wanted to know what it was like." She heard screaming, felt her bones explode in ecstasy as she and the world collided. And then, nothing.

Reviews

[Rain]

So at last she leaped? So many of these pieces are halted by hundreds of surprising walls. I loved this. It had the brutal reality of thoughts after she decided to jump. I have to tell you this. For 20 years I carried a clipping of a pair of shoes placed neatly on the ledge of a Texas University building. I still remember her name..."Moment Armstead." 22 years old. The picture, and the question why..haunted me. Some where I lost the clipping, but never her name, or the feeling. Did she have a second of regret on the way down?
The suddeness, and finality of the ending to your piece is so powerful. Brilliant. Rain..

[Warrior]

Great story telling. This did justice in the realm of getting the message across. Great message. There's lot of times where a story can have a great message to aim for, and have a lot of under lining things but then no one gets it, and if no one gets it, then the point has failed. But in my opinion this did well to get the message across. You made it clear, which is why I think it's good. Keep up the good work. What was also great was that I could imagine the story as I read it, and that is also a strong point of stories. The ability to have the reader imagine it because after all we're reading not watching it, but it was as if I was there as I read this, and that is great. Great visuals and great story telling. It had plot and substance. When you add substance to writing it gets that much better. It gets the reader hooked on it and make them feel as if they are part of it. As long as their is that emotional connection between the reader and the story then it's good. The connection you were able to established in the writing gives the reader a sense of comfortably that they are in tune with the writing. So that way when the writing is over, the reader wants more, and wishes it didn't end. I feel the same way when I watched a movie or tv series that I get so attached to, I never want it to end. And for this writing, I didn't want it to end. You had me hooked, and I am sure everyone else who read it was hooked as well. That is good, that is what you want for people to keep wanting more. The way you put the story together makes me feel like my life is different for that moment in which I read your story. I love it, and it was beautiful. Just keep posting stories like this, and you'll have a good following.

[Alphachad]

Holy sh-- that was one gripping story.The metaphors were amazing and powerful and it took me to edge. I'm waiting for your next story. Good luck :D

[hey]

drinking the sky. that is killing me, it's really beautiful.
this entire thing is perfect, especially the quotation in the last paragraph.

[Drew Wade]

you do have a beautifully descriptive writing style. The first line is a wonder, and there are some surprising lines throughout that really shine.

[Miss Shea]

:] I like this story. Even as she walked to the rooftop, she was reaching out, hoping someone would try to stop her, but was intent on going through with her plan. Brilliant.

Keep Writing!

[Peteypie]

"drinking the sky" =D

[__Flaw__]

As i read this, slowly but but steadily i knew what the outcome was. Let's see, a few things match and altogether give that not so random scenario (And add to it some info. from ur bio as well). But u can't pin point anyone by just one piece can you? So yeah, even if i knew what the outcome was, the manner of execution was not bizarre, but very straight forward and understandable. In the end made me think it pinched me somewhere deep along the lines. A fantastic effort. :))

[thecoolone52]

yeah i really liked this one alot......... thanks for entering my contest............

[J. Swaney]

Excellent piece of work. It was a pleasure to read. I'm glad you let me know aout it. My goal in reading is to be taken somewhere I have never been and shown something I have never seen. You managed this easily by showing me this scene through your characters eyes.

You might take one more look at this line.

(Her steps were trembling as she struggled across the gravel sprinkled across the flat roof, and her high heels wobbled as she finally reached the ledge.)

[email protected]

[Drake Hyman]

Not even sure what to think after reading this.
Amazingly written, don't get me wrong. Like Rain, I found it interesting that this didn't hold anything back. With any description of suicide in this world, the details are always "overwhelming depression, hopelessness, depression, etc." or "look at me world! I need you! No I don't...but I need something" or "Goodbye cruel world"

Yet this...
this screamed something entirely different. It initially reminded me of a CSI episode in which an attractive woman fell from a building in this same manner, and the theme of that episode was similar, i believe.

The fact that you were able to turn a story of suicide into an ironic display of society's lustful obsession and insensitivity to those who we are too busy staring at with fantasies running through our minds-- that fact amazes me.

"She felt the eyes forty stories below, raping her. She grinned and blushed and leaped into the sky."
And yet, more irony, and a paradox possibly as well?

Well done. You only have two pieces on here. I would love to see more!