Mean Cat

Of all the things I could've said, "How's lasagna?" Was the stupidest question to ask.

I have been contemplating on messaging her, but then had second thoughts about it. What if she wanted an alone time after all the stress she had the whole day? With her posting a picture of a beer and lasagna in her newsfeed, I had been arguing intrapersonally whether to talk to her or not.

She was this sassy mean cat figure in my head, and I was this jolly, over playful golden retriever dog that wants nothing but attention. It was like this funny video I had watched on Instagram where a cat was peacefully laying on the couch, and then came in a bombarding, jolly husky.

I was always so confused whether to talk to her or not. I didn't want to disturb her peace, but then sometimes I wanted to talk to her for anything, but then again, it goes back to the former choice.

In my mind, the "should I?" and "should I not" are always present. Should I leave a message? But, should I not, because I don't want to intrude in to her peace? It always leaves me frustrated.

The urge I feel in my chest, maybe it was just the loneliness? Or maybe it was a longing? Or maybe it was just boredom? The short happiness I feel when I talk to her was short lived, but I cherish the feeling. But then I should not because there is this doubt that I would want to cherish something I felt short lived. The hurt, the tolerance, the every feeling of second thoughts.