A Friend

The smell of coffee in my styrofoam wafted through my nose. I sigh and watched the brown liquid swirl with the stirrer. I want to sleep, I thought to myself. Closing my eyes, scoffing at myself, looking at the clock. It's 1:07 in the afternoon. When will this support group meeting start anyway? I sat back, leaning on the grey creaking foldable chair.

I stopped stirring, and ended up staring at the polished hard wood floor.

The aroma of coffee didn't enthusiastically enlighten me this day, it seems, it made it more gloomy.

I sighed, closing my eyes, standing up and walking towards the snacks table. There were different kinds of biscuits, chips, cokies that were brought by some of the members of the support group. But I didn't have any appetite to eat today. I lazily walked towards the trash bin whilst finishing my coffee before throwing the cup in it and went back to my chair.

It was a few minutes before some of the people who were in support group joined the room. There was one new face in the group. A blonde haired woman who seems to have been deprived of sunlight. She smiled at everyone she met and shook hands with them. I avoided eye contact, not wanting to be involved in any of their conversations.

It wasn't until an hour that we started sharing. It was the usual support group you'd go to, the things we do like activities and such. This support group was for depressed people. One with mental imbalance. And I'm here because obviously I am one of those people.

"Honestly," I paused, furrowing my brow, "Death, or rather killing myself never really left my mind. It just sits there." I pursed my lips before continuing. "I mean, only this time, it's not about me doing it, but, of natural causes. Like," I sighed, "A car accident, or a bus accident, I would gladly accept my death." I looked up from the floor to the group I was sitting with, and towards the blonde haired woman.

The woman, Sharon, who was incharge of the support group nodded and smiled in appreciation. "Okay, that's a progress, I guess." She looks at the blonde haired woman. "What about you? Do you wanna share?"

She looked around her, and landed back to Sharon. "I think I'll pass for now."

Sharon nodded. "Okay, we don't have problems with that." She looks around the group. "So who wants to share next?" She asked in a cheerful voice.

Time passed by, I didn't even notice we were done until Sharon clapped her hands for attention. "Alright, that's it for today. We'll meet again next Monday?"

Some nodded and mumbled a yes, before folding the chairs and placing them back at the storage room. In the corner of my eyes, I saw the blonde haired woman walk towards. I knew she had an intent of talking to me, I mean the way she looked at me and walked directly to me after she folded her chair? Who wouldn't know?

I sighed half dragging the foldable chair. "Hi!" She enthusiastically greeted.

"Hey." I shrugged uninterested.

"I'm Sarah." She said.

I nodded and replied. "Quinn."

"Nice name."

"Yeah. Thanks." I placed the foldable chair after the rest of it, and decided to help her with her chair since I was already inside and there's not much space for two person to fit in.

"Thank you." She said when she passed me the foldable chair.

"Welcome." I closed the door on the storage room and tucked my hands inside the pocket of my hoodie. Sarah followed me outside. Quite annoyed by it. I dead stopped on my tracks and turned to her. "What do you want?"

Smiling, she said, "Let's be friends."

I scoffed. "Why me? There's other people in the support group."

She tucked in her hands in her coat and shrugged, "You're lonely."

I raised my brow in question. "Lonely?"

She nodded. "Yeah, lonely. Even when there's people around you."

I scoffed again and continued walking. "In my dreams."

She followed me, half jogging since I had long legs and walked pretty much fast. "I now the feeling."

"Of what?"

"Being alone." She licked a pebble. "Even when there's a lot of people around you. Or even when your friends are there."

I went silent. Nudging off the feeling in my heart. I cleared my throat. "I have friends."

She hummed. "Yeah, but admit it. Sometimes when you're down or sad, or crying, you end up realizing that when no one is around there to stick with you, you are alone."

I bit my lip.

"Someone once told me, I was," she trailed off, seeming to find that memory she had. "Rather, they asked me why don't I hang out wy my friends. And, well, truth is, I don't really have any friends to hang out with. So I end up being a stick up girl who leeches on of everyone just to be in the conversation. I'm that all around friend. No circle of friends just, a friend of everybody."

I stop walking by then, and just looked at her. "What's the point of all this? I mean, I just met you and you're probably babbling about your personal thing or whatever to me."

She turned around and smiled. "Because I know you feel the same way." She turned around again, and continued walking.

I stood there with my heart weighing down to my feet. I never really had friends. I was just that someone who jumps from one circle of friends to another. I clenched my fist hating the fact that it was true.

And I hated it to be true that I was alone. Even with all the people around me. What was it like to have friends again who you can tell everything to? I stared long and hard on the grey pavement.

What was I staring at it for? A feeling? A memory? Of what? Childhood friends?

I sighed. I don't even know who they are today anymore.