If I Had One More Chance

If only I had one more chance to go back to that time, I would really get that opportunity.

There were two women whom I like. Two different women, yet the same in some aspect. I like both women, but I knew I had to choose one, or neither. And then, suddenly, that night, I realized I just couldn't just play with both of their feelings like I had been. I decided it was time to say what I really want to say to one woman. I realized, I couldn't keep on hiding and walk in the other direction away from her. I realized that night, when I saw both women whom I like, I had to choose one and tell her what I wanted to say.

I had been thinking a lot of things to say to her. I had been thinking on how to approach her without stopping on my tracks like I always do. I had been thinking of what to do and what to give to her. I had been mustering up to have the courage and block my nervousness. Because nervousness blocks all of my thoughts, and it gives the worst in me.

I realized all of those things when I didn't took the opprtunity to grab her and pull her towards me and dance with the others. She was right there in front of me, dancing and smiling with her friends, but I looked away and continued dancing with my friends, and the other woman who I like. I really wanted to, but deep down, I knew I shouldn't get close to her. I had my own reasons for not acting the way she would expect.

I was afraid to hurt her because I am still in the process of moving on from the love of my ex-girlfriend. I really do like her, but I'm just afraid of hurting her, of one day that when I see my ex-girlfriend finally, I would turn my back on her and run for the woman I love and not the woman I like.

I didn't want that. I didn't want to do that to the two women who I like. I care too much to do that. And I don't think I can live with knowing I had hurt both of them. Well, mostly that one woman who I lost the opportunity to grab and pull towards me to dance that night.

The other woman, she's my friend, and classmate in school. I didn't want things to be awkward when we see each other every single day in school. And I didn't want to break the thing we have called, closeness to each other. In short, I didn't want to change the things we have. Having to tease each other, poking, nagging, and everything a very close friend would do to each other.

Approaching a woman who I like, and telling her all the things I wanted her to hear, is the hardest thing to do. I wouldn't know what her reaction may be, or her feelings, or her thoughts. Basically, it's a complete element of surprise. Whether the surprise is rejection, or the surprise surprise. And I hate surprises, but, where would the thrill go if there was no surprise?

That one night, had changed every thought I had and made me lock on my decision to tell the woman who I like the thoughts that had been nagging me everyday. Mustering up my courage and getting the nervousness out of the way.

If only I had one more chance to go back to that time, I would really grab her and pull her towards me and overthrow the fear I had. If only I had one more chance.