what it's like

I'm having a hard time handling my life right now.

I don't know what it's like

To not want to cry every night

To not want to control everything in my life

Everything's spinning out of control

The harder I try to hold on

The faster I lose my grasp.

I want to know what it's like

To try to let things just be

And not be angry at myself

At the things I just can't change

Be able to shrug and walk away

I wonder what it's like to life that life

I wish I could give it a try

I just can't stand the thought

Of being alone because I've slacked off

I wonder what it's like

To not live in fear

Of not being perfect

Will he love me? Will he stay? 

I don't want to know the answers if I change

I feel so alone in the struggle

Everywhere I turn, I just create more trouble

I can't accept myself for what I really am

I bet I can be a better person than I am right now

The problem is, I have no idea how.

 

Author's Note

this was written very quickly.