When and Now

When I was five …

I played with my dolls, fantasizing as children do.  I was the perfect wife and I had the perfect husband.  He would be tall, dark and handsome, and have a million dollars so we'd never have to work and we could play with our perfect children all day long.

We'd never yell at each other, or fight or even argue.  We would always agree and we would tell each other everything.  We would spend all our time together, and be so happy, happy, happy.

 

That was all I wanted, then.

 

When I was ten …

I was determined that my future husband would be tall, dark and handsome, the perfect man.  He would have a couple million bucks so we'd never have to work and we could play with our children all day long.

We'd never argue or throw things.  We would tell each other everything and never keep secrets.  We would forgive and forget, and not bring up stuff that happened before.  We would spend all our time together, like in the movies, so much in love, and so blissfully happy.

 

We would have two children, a boy and a girl, and they would be the perfect children, because we would be the perfect parents.  We would listen to our children and never ground them for stupid stuff.  We would let them make their own choices because it was their lives.

 

We would be the perfect family, happy and together for the rest of our lives.

 

That was all I wanted, then.

 

When I was fifteen …

I dreamed my future husband would be that cute guy in English class, the one I stared at all day and fantasized about at night.  When he grew up, he would be the perfect man.

 

He would be a famous poet and I would be a teacher.  We would spend all our free time together, writing and learning.  We would never keep secrets or be unfaithful.  We would be happy together, until the day we died, together.  And our souls would stay together forever.

 

That was all I wanted, then.

 

When I was twenty …

I was determined that my future husband would be a successful professional, the perfect man.  Established in his chosen profession, satisfied with his choices, and ready to share his life.

 

We would both be dedicated to our respective careers, but would always find the time to keep our relationship fresh and new.  When our careers were established and successful, we would start planning our family, choosing just the right times and circumstances.  We would raise our children with morals and values, teaching them to be independent thinkers and dreamers.

 

That was all I wanted, then.

 

When I was Thirty …

and tired of dating, I was determined I'd never get married.  There didn't seem to be one man out there that I could put up with for very long, much less spend the rest of my life with.

 

So I quit looking for my future husband and started looking for someone to just love me.

 

That was all I wanted, then.

 

Now I'm much older …

and I’ve realized that, personally, I’m so much happier when I’m not in a relationship.  The drama wears me down, and I’m just not as willing to compromise.

 

I also believe no man or woman can be responsible for someone else's true feelings of success or happiness or completeness.  Each must find that true peace within themselves.  Only when two people are content with their own separate lives will they be able to come together successfully.  While each individual brings their own strengths and weaknesses into the relationship, no one person should be expected to give all in any area.  And as we each change and grow, so must the relationship change and grow.

 

Two separate and complete people come together to form an alliance.  But in the end, they must always be two separate and complete people.