Brains

I am not a stupid woman.  In fact, I think I’m a relatively intelligent, perceptive woman with pretty good problem solving skills.  And yet, the way in which my brain is wired doesn’t always make sense to me.

 

My brain cannot fathom math.  I mean, I can add, subtract, multiply, divide, even fractions and decimals are no problem, and in my head most of the time, as I was taught before calculators.  But I cannot, for the life of me, understand Algebra.  A+B=3 (or however it goes!) does not compute, fatal system error, reboot, reboot, reboot …

 

Numbers are math, letters are the alphabet, and there is apparently a continent that divides them in my brain.  Logically, it should be so simple, there’s a rule for everything.  But then there is the exception to every rule, and I can never figure out what that exception is, and where it applies, and why it works here and not there, blah, blah, blah.  And by the time I’ve figured out the appropriate rule, my brain blanks on how to solve the original problem.  And the next time I have the exact same problem, I have the exact same reaction.  For some reason, it just will NOT get through.

 

I am not stupid.  I skipped third grade and went directly to fourth.  I had straight A’s and B’s through elementary school, which back then went through eighth grade.  I hit a rebellious streak in high school for a while and didn’t study at all, and aside from math, I still had mostly A’s and B’s.

 

In high school, dear Mr. Bushman was reaching high to give me a D in Algebra I, which did NOT help me at all going into Algebra II.  Thankfully, I was finally able to convince them of my sheer stupidity in this subject and my math requirements were met with “Business Math.”  Hey, taught me how to balance a checkbook and I got my diploma, good enough for me.

 

Even knowing that there was no possible way I could EVER pass Algebra in college, I was at least willing to try it one more time, so I took college Algebra.  Two weeks in, the professor asked me to stay after class and gently suggested that I transfer to his Pre-Algebra course.  And three weeks after that, I’m sure he breathed a sigh of relief when he received my drop slip.  I’ve taken most of the classes for a BA, and yet, I can’t pass the math portions, so I’m doomed never to get a degree.

 

For my job, I use Excel all day long.  I can write formulas faster than you can tell me what you want, but I have no concept of the math going on behind the scenes.  I just know the characters I have to type for Excel to jumble it around in ITS brain and spit me out the right answer.  And, I have great co-workers who know of my disability and are willing to check my work.  So I get on just fine without Algebra.

 

I also wish I could understand and appreciate verse better than I do.  I think I understand the concept of poetry, the imaginative language meant to evoke an emotional response, the mental mind pictures that are created when the right combinations of words are used.  But again, my brain gets lost somewhere along the way, and many times, by the time I’ve finished reading, I do have a picture in my head, but unfortunately, it’s usually a Picasso.

 

I at first thought it was the abrupt, choppy ending to lines that my brain didn’t like, as I feel disrupted, it’s not a smooth, continuous transition to the next thought, the next sentence.  I often have to go back and re-read whole sections to try to get into the “flow” of the piece.  I enjoy and re-read Poe’s stories, “The Tell-Tale Heart” or “The Pit and the Pendulum,” but I have such a hard time with his poetry, “Dream Within A Dream,” or even “The Raven.”

 

I get parts of them, pieces, peeks, but the whole doesn’t coalesce.  The words are beautiful, but they don’t weave together for me.  So I end up with the feeling of incompleteness, like I missed something.  To me, the poetry seems unfinished, not fully created.  But that can’t be true, because others enjoy it, others feel it.  It’s like bad sex, I’m almost there, and he’s done and rolling over.

 

But recently, I’ve read several selections written in verse that I actually understood (I think!), and I could see non-fractured mind pictures and could feel the emotions.  But all of these were closer to prose written in verse style.  They flowed for me, I followed along, I got it!!  I think …

 

I really have no clue what my crazy brains problem could be, but I’m not letting it win!  Actually, it’s beaten me down on the math, I give up there, I have no desire to waste any more of my time on it.

 

But I’m going to figure out this verse thing, damn it!!  Wait … does it have to do with math????  Oh, man …………