January 27th, 2019

Poetic Journal Entry #1

-January 27th, 2019-

I'm having a hard time coping with this obsession about confession. But really it's obsessions and really it's confessions. Plural.

No one can see the horrors in my head. I'd like to rip them out, rip them all out. I'd like to throw them to the ground and rip them apart, crush them into dust.

They are with me here, now. I am battling to let go. I ask God to help me let them go.
"I give them to You God," I pray.

I sense this long suffering has encroached upon my fragile sense of self. I want to keep it together. I know this is the only way to finally conquer my obsessive, compulsive nature. But it burns...

"Let it go," He persists.
I want to listen. Really I should be listening in fear for my life, in fear of His wisdom. He is always honest and forever Truth. I know that if I listen to my Father, He will send me proof. He already has.

"But how Lord, how do I cope??"
"You already know."

I do know.

My humanity is arrogant. My flaw is fear.
My flaw is clear and it is sickly beautiful.
I can't let go.
All I can do is deal.

He is Truth.
I am flawed, saved by Him.

- Keith Allen Covell

Author's Note

Comment away.
You deserve to be free.
You deserve to be you.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i feel we make so much headway in life when we can admit our own flaws, and learn from them...become better people in the end.
j.

[Keith Allen Covell]

I overly admit sometimes though, haha.

[Samuel Dickens]

It's a tough place you describe. From my experience, it will pass. Give it to God, but gird yourself for a rough ride. With luck, it has already ended. Strong writing, my friend.

[Keith Allen Covell]

I really appreciate you telling me this. This must be the last phase to this relapse. It has been the most potent relapse so far, by the way. Not expecting another in my life, that would be counterproductive.
Or is admitting that a safer bet?

Ha. Anyway, I appreciate you saying I have strong writing. :) It boosts my confidence for sure!
I will read one of yours when I get some time.
Thanks again. :) ❤