He was leaving

He was leaving

A part of me split into pieces..
A part of my soul parted with him..
A part of my heart was dead..
A part of my eyes wanted to capture his glimpse forever..
A part of my skin wanted to feel him..
A part of my mind wanted to retain him..
A part of my happiness faded with him..
I wanted to chase him
But the rest of me was
tired of being empty and void..

Author's Note

Hope you guys will like this piece to feel the pain in me.. Feedbacks are welcomed.. I would be highly grateful for your time :)

Reviews

[BlackPrince]

He's a lucky guy to have such an effect on you ):
I like the twist in the final two lines:
'But the rest of me was tired of being empty and void'.

[Amrita]

Thank you so much :)

[Karmee]

This is very good, love the emotions in it

[Amrita]

I am happy to hear that you like my work..! Thanks for motivation :)

[barleygirl]

I like the way you repeat "a part of me" to suggest that the narrator is crushed by this experience, but there are still parts that are thriving & ready to shake off the bad experience (love the way this is stated at the very end, which makes it more powerful than everything that is said before that). Good way to use vivid details to show instead of tell. Fondly, Margie

[Amrita]

Really honored to read your feedback :) Much appreciated :) Thank you so much :)

[fawkes]

I can't give you any literary tips, I'm a begginer myself, but I can say 1 thing, you've poured all your feelings out in 7 lines of "A part of me(my)...." and it's really intense, full of feelings. Hope your pain eases away...

[Amrita]

Thank you :)

[Avia]

I think I read a poem like this once everyday, either mine or someone else's, but it's interesting how no two poems are ever really the same. I think that's what is so special about poetry. We can all express the same thing, but the part of ourselves that we put into it is what makes it unique. You did that very well. I like how you write. Keep writing.

[Amrita]

Much appreciated..! Totally agree With you. Thank you so much for Avia.! :)

[Norbanus]

Is this addiction at its very core?
a person's bits and pieces everywhere?
Best gather them and place them in a pile,
and stir them all while thinking for a while

Dead, because of someone left behind?
It seems far more than ration would pemit.
This is a deed we'd always call unkind,
to pin such sadness just as though it fit.

Before we end, the verse will let us see
where all this emptiness and void reside.
Not in addiction to this mystic ‘he’,
But in the need for someone by your side.

Emotion nicely captured in this verse,
Shows that not moving on would be much worse.

[Amrita]

Totally agreed..! Beautiful words..!! :)

[elle]

I really enjoyed the way that you've expressed the experience of heartbreak through the depiction of specific aspects of your being. I hope you find peace as you move through this difficult time :)

[Amrita]

Thank you so much for beautiful words..! I would appreciate you wishing me speedy healing :) Lots of love to you :)

[Angie G]

Sometimes you have to walk away in order to find the joy in life once again. And maybe then you will see the beauty in Love. It's there, we just have to let go, get up, and open our eyes to reality. Great piece!

[Amrita]

Totally agreed :) Letting go surely heal us! Thank you so much for your kind words :)

[Angie G]

My pleasure!! Chin up my dear. The world might seem to crumble upon us at times, but tomorrow always brings new hope.

[Amrita]

Yeah! Moving forward to new ventures of life :) Thanks a lot for inspiration :)