Freedom

There were the days
when you would call yourself
a hero
and the days when
the blood in your mouth
was mine.

On certain Saturday nights
you would sit me down
and tell me
about the angry dreams,
how they ruined
the quiet.
Skin dripping into
those bitter, clenched fists,
unaware it would
ever end.

But now I just sit and
watch the dusty,
the luster,
how everything is still.
Is steel.
The silence taming
the beating of winter.

How no one has
ever been
this
free.

Reviews

[JetMardium]

i like it
"But now I just sit and
watch the dusty,
the luster,
how everything is still.
Is steel.
The silence taming
the beating of winter."
I dont know why but this verse speaks to me, its just .... tangible? I felt connected to the writing there though.

[anne]

Thank you so much!

[JetMardium]

anytime, would appreciate any reviews you could give of my poetry

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Beautiful poem the flow is very nice!

[anne]

Thank you!!

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Most Welcome Anne :)

[Tristan Sinclair]

I think "balanced" is a really perfect word for it. Great work on the line breaks. It's emotional, but not overwhelming, which is a real treat when you find it. So, yeah, on the technical-level, it's real good work. My concern is the content. While I appreciate broad strokes and impressionism, a lot of this is very vague, and while it renders feelings, it's not exactly clear what those feelings are signifying: there's a lack of specific detail, I suppose. I sense a conflict, but the conflict is not clear. I sense a character (him), but right now he's just an abstract concept--and a banal one at that. I'd like to see both characters as real people capable of complex feelings, and deserving of empathy, rather than just caricatures.

[anne]

Thank you for reading and for taking the time to put this down. This is really helpful! Thank you so much.

[Tristan Sinclair]

And thank you so much for your thank you!

[Inject Positivity]

Wow! This is beautifully done....The words are very well balanced and the poem carries a very deep meaning....Well done my frnd.....

[anne]

Oh wow thank you for your kind words. This means so much to me. Thank you!!

[Inject Positivity]

No problem my frnd you did a fantastic job....Its my pleasure....Keep going.....